Dd1 hysterical about nursery

[Rosiethechristmascat]

Dd1 is 2.6 and has been going to nursery one morning a week since she was just over a year old.

She used to love it I'd only just get her in the door and she'd be off then 3 weeks ago she started creating when I said it was a nursery day. To begin with I assumed she wanted to stay home with me and her baby sister that maybe she was jealous but shed be happy to go absolutely anywhere else

This morning it finally came to light that an older child has scared/hurt her I raised this with the staff and it turns out that the child is moving to the next age group as he's "boisterous" but this is a slow process

I'm currently bribing Dd1 to go with a kinder egg her one weakness but she is still nearly hysterical when I leave. Multiple staff commented that they could hear her from upstairs.

How can I make this process any easier for dd? Or do I just need to wait it out until the child has completely transitioned to the other room?

Does she have to go?

Talk to her about it, explain that we all have times that we feel frightened that something might happen again. Give her something small from home to talk in to keep in her pocket so she can hold it and remember you if she feels scared. Use your own examples of when something happened and how you got through it.

If it's one morning a week, I'm guessing you don't need it for childcare? (although appreciate it's nice to have 1-1 time with your youngest!)

When will the other child move rooms? I'd be inclined to keep her home until then. It's almost Christmas anyway. (Don't tell her it's because of the other child - that will just make her more fearful)

If it will be longer than the new year, or you're not comfortable that they're doing what's necessary for your DD to feel safe, I'd look at other nurseries.

Bribing her with chocolate to accept a situation where she doesn't feel safe doesn't sit right.

I think once a week isn't enough to feel settled somewhere. I'm a SAHM who used preschool from 2yo for 1:1 time with other DC / own time, but I think it's better to go twice a week for a few hours.

This is why most nurseries insist on a minimum of 2 sessions a week
1 session a week isn't enough and potentially can do more harm than good
The bribery with the kinder egg is not a good idea
You have contributed to her anxiety but reinforcing the idea that nursery is a bad thing and she needs a good thing to compensate
You are validating her fears.
She's anxious so you're anxious. You're anxious so them she's anxious. It's a spiral and you will never get out of it unless you change something
Don't use bribery and keep it positive going to nursery and dropping off. Don't linger and don't ask her what's wrong.
Do a quick positive handover and leave after a cheerful goodbye, even if she is crying
It might sound heartless but I've done this many times for many years and it works
Any chance you can increase her sessions?
Or take her out?
Because your current arrangements are not working

Before the boy started upsetting her Dd1 loved it, it was her favourite day of the week and they've never been bothered about it being only one session a week surely the manager would have mentioned it to me?

the nursery is attached to the school I work in and she will be going for another morning in the new year but I just can't afford to up it at the moment.
Mil also works for the school and will check on Dd1 for me not going in to see her but watching through the window to check she's happy, it's only ever the first 10 minutes or so that she's upset for

While I'm on maternity at the moment with dd2 so theroreticlly don't need the childcare dd2 has a birth defect and is falling of the centile chart at an alarming rate she also requires surgery soon and I have to see her specialist most weeks, we do this the morning Dd1 is in nursery it would be impossible with Dd1 there as well.

I don't like bribing her it dosent sit well with me either and I wouldn't be leaving her there if I didn't have to but nobody in the family is able to help at the moment

Also she hasn't had any notes home for injurys or any unexplained ones so I think it's more scaring than hurting I would not be leaving her there is she was being hurt

Has this boy who has been boisterous with her now moved or not?

He will be in the older group full time in two more weeks, he's only In the same room as Dd1 for a 10-20 minute overlap at most and her keyworker is going to keep them separate now we know why she's upset but she's still upset about going

I would be doing the opposite
Instead of keeping them apart I would be spending more time together
Obviously supported by her keyperson
But I feel it's important that children learn how to handle situations instead of avoiding them

My DD had a similar experience at her nursery when she was the younger (and smaller) girl with some bigger boisterous boys.

It was only for one day a week but the nursery were great - they set up a little area, a bit tucked away, with a favourite (and changing) activity just for her. Her key worker would set her up and she would then be happy to settle in. Might be worth a try if you think it might help.

And it's not long until the new year, if your appointments allow, maybe you could have a few Xmas outings on the nursery days? That way DD wouldn't know she was being removed because of the boy and you could enjoy some time together. Altho not sure how feasible that would be. Good luck