What is your 3 / 4 year old like?

[SarcasmMode]

As in, how do they behave?

Do they listen when you say no?
Do they cry a lot?
Are they sociable?

What's your main problems with them if any?

Just wanting to put dd1(3.7) into perspective.

DS1 is 3.6

Do they listen when you say no?

• Yes, generally

Do they cry a lot?

• Yes. Mainly when tired and asked to clean teeth/get undressed etc

Are they sociable?

• He has good friends at nursery. Very happy to engage with new children at the park/soft play. But also not keen on change/new things so apprehensive about parties (new place/fear of unknown children) or swimming lessons if there's a couple of new children.

What's your main problems with them if any?

• He wakes in the night/too early so he's very tired a lot of the time. When tired he is prone to meltdowns about ridiculous things and doing basic things becomes a titanic struggle.

My eldest when 3/4 listened, though struggled with two step instructions, didn't cry a lot and was very sociable.

Youngest two...one of which is nearly four doesn't listen, cries all the time and isn't sociable. But they both have autism.

Are you worried about something particular?

DD never listens and often completely ignores me and it's really irritating. She'll either say why (which I give a basic reply to) or ignores all requests of no.

She plays with other children but when she meets a new child she's very nervous and clingy.

I love her to pieces but as she doesn't listen it's very hard to get anything through. Can't really discipline her much at that age except take toys away but that just means a lot of screaming.

Joys of parenthood.

My girl is just 4. One of the youngest in the year group.

She has selective hearing. Listens most of the time but sometimes it doesn't suit her so she'll pretend we're not there.

She can be whingey when she's tired. Her newest thing is that she gets very upset when her peers don't want to play with her.

She's very sociable and great at making up and playing games. She has such imagination. Everyone is drawn to her, she laps it up!

One of the biggest problems with her is that she's fiercely independent. It's good sometimes but it's also hard because she can't risk assess, then she'll can get stroppy when we have to rein her in.

Do they listen: not always
Do they cry: all the bloody time. He has been emosh since he was born.
Sociable: very

Main issues: screaming, shoving, yelling, pushing his sister around, spitting, kicking. He sounds quite horrible but isn't like this all the time. Oh he also bit DH today.

DS3 will be 4 in January.

Listens when I say no:
Sometimes. Sometimes he can be really calm and sensible and you can see him mentally processing any explanation I am offering as to why something cannot happen or has to happen. Other times he will simply say 'but please! Please! Please!' if he wants something and I say no.

Crying:
Whingeing more than crying tbh but oh my God can he whinge. We often fall into a really negative pattern of his default response to a situation being a whinge, then I get cross with him for whingeing, then he gets worse...this can escalate into crying and tantrums but more often simply remains a constant, low-level whinge. But on the other hand he is a very happy boy, quite sunny natured, very smiley.

Sociable:
Yes, very. He's the youngest of 3 though which I think makes a difference - he has siblings at primary and secondary school so is very used to being around other children his own age and older. Has lots of friends at preschool, keen to make new friends at park/softplay etc, loves meeting new adults, generally pretty confident in most new situations. Very socially imaginative and loves games like playing mummies and daddies etc.

Any concerns:
He's bloody strong willed. And contrary minded. And can be a horror. None of which are concerns in themselves - he's 3, this is what they do - but it can be wearing. If I have a real concern it's that he shows signs of being quite emotionally manipulative - ie will tell one friend that he's not best friends with them any more, he's best friends with someone else, then will giggle or smile if this upsets the child. Obviously I always pick up on it with him but I've never had to deal with that kind of potential 'social nastiness' before with either of my older boys and it does concern me a bit.

DS is 4.3.

Do they listen when you say no?
Usually he does, although I may have to say it a second time, a bit louder. Or he will often ask "why?" first.

Do they cry a lot?
No. Only if he has really hurt himself. He does whinge though, esp if tired, about anything from dinner being too hot to not being able to get his socks on.

Are they sociable?
Yes. Although sometimes shy when he first enters an environment, even if it's one he's familiar with. He has only started talking about 'friends' in the last 6 months though.

What's your main problems with them if any?
No necessarily a problem, but something which absolutely drives me round the bend, is the constant questions. About everything. Constantly. Some of them are good, sensible questions, some of them are a bit off the wall ("why is it Tuesday tomorrow?"), but many of them are just asked for the sake of asking something, or are repeats of previous questions.

Regards discipline, rather than take toys away, I found it much more effective to take my time away e.g. "I will not play dominoes with you any more if you push your sister again."

DS is 3.5
Do they listen?
Yes mostly, if not straight away.

Do they cry?
He cries when told off sometimes. When he's hurt himself or when told he can't have the treat he wants.

Are they sociable?
Yes- very chatty/confident with other children and adults. Has a few "friends" at nursery he talks about a lot.

Any problems?
Whining. How do you stop the whining? I have tried telling him I will only reply if he asks nicely- which he then does- but I still have to listen to the whining the first time!

you can discipline her at this age. try the naughty step. explain that if she's naughty or ignores mummy then she'll go on the naughty step for 3 mins. and follow through. some ignoring is normal. ignoring you all the time means you need to discipline her more. you're the boss. don't give reasons! i know some say you should but in my experience, it just drags out the whole process of them doing what you've asked them to do. they're not rational adults. giving reasons won't work in the same way.

clinginess is pretty normal. not having consistent discipline can make kids insecure so you might see an improvement there if you solve the ignoring problem.

yesterday my 3yo was ignoring her dad over breakfast who gave her a talking to and put her on the naughty step. she was delightful all day! well-behaved, fun, caring towards her brothers and to us. if we let her be in charge it makes her unhappy because it's disconcerting. she needs us to be the parents.

good luck

Thanks angsty. I have a 9 month old who is BF so it can be draining at times. My own Mum is a lovely woman but very soft - she asks if DD will do something instead of do X please.

Her Dad is stricter and I think in a strange way she respects him for it but he is the one she ignores the most.

It makes DD sound nasty she's not at all- she's caring, clever and fun but she does think it's her way or the highway. It's exhausting. She'll deliberately do something I tell her not to and when I stop and get her to stop as soon as I move (as have to sort out DD2) she'll throw something or whine.

I love her greatly but do feel she thinks she's the boss.

Thanks for the advice.

Thanks to everyone else for their replies too.