Am so so so struggling, Am i doing it alright?

[Donbean]

My ds is 3.6.
A challenge is an understatement.
The last 3 weeks have been hell on earth with behaviour.
He is agressive, screams, kicks hits slaps and now is spitting.

We made a decision last weekend because we just couldnt take another minute of it.

We stepped back, slowed down, quietened down and decided to offer warnings then punishment...super nanny style.
its working to a degree, however he pushes me at any opportunity.

Not taking this personally you understand but GOOD GOD its hard work...
Every moment is a struggle.

What else can i do?

I had this with one of my mindee's it lasted about a month i htink it's to do with a surge in hormones? this thought kept me sane, i know this isn't what you want to hear but.......its just a phase, think positive, praise absolutly anything and everything that isn't bad give him good attetnion and ignore/ disapline bad.

If you're consistant he will give in.

Ok so it sounds like im doing ok.
He had his nanna in tears though with it last week and i rely on her for most of my child care.

i was in tears with mindee one day - when i shut the door i burst into tears i was convinced it was my fault - it wasn't but at the time i felt so hopeless, i hadn't dealt with boys before and it was a whole new kettle of fish!

Poor kid, im always on here moaning about him.
I never ever envisioned that it would be this hard.

My dd went through a similar phase recently. God yes it's hard but it does come to an end I promise! With her, I think it was a combination of picking up on family stress (she shouts when I do not getting enough exercise and us not setting clear limits which she was crying out for. We've tackled it (like you) by calming things down and speaking slowly and patiently (a good tip from MN is to whisper in response to shouting - it works!!) taking her out to the park as much as possible and limiting the tv, and dh and I agreeing clear boundaries and sticking to them. It takes the patience of a saint though doesn't it? Other ideas/suggestions - is he happy at nursery (if he attends)?, is he getting enough sleep? Good luck!!

Don I'm sure you have done the hardest bit, which is the CALM DOWN bit - it's soooooo hard. But I do think it's the key - it's actually harder for a child to get to screamingly angry stage if you are relentlessly unphased and calm. Obviously it will still happen but you have done the right thing.

Loads and loads of positive praise for things he does do, lots of active play with him, get him out to the park every day, solid dependable routines to the day specially round bedtime......

you probably do all that anyway!

I think you're right to be consistent about warning then a consequence...i think this can help YOU to move on quicker, as you feel you have done something..you don't have that impotent rage....one major thing that sometimes people naturally forget, is to move on immediately, and not refer to the previous misdemeanour.

good luck, it is very hard work but it will pay off I'm sure.

Apears to be happy at nursery, no reports of problems.
He doesnt sleep, never has.
And yes, you are absolutely right, he had picked up on my premenstrual black cloud last week.

I know its daft but also, we have decorated the living room, moved his bedroom around and i have started to work more hours.
The three most important things in his little life are his home and me and we have all changed. I believe that this has affected him.
So im waiting for him to get used to the changes and then i think that he will settle.
Thanks for the tip on whispering as a response to his shouting...im going to try that.

OOH yes sunny, im doing that as well. If he wants to talk to me i get down and look at him, we have been having LOADS of one to one time.
I am a good mum, and dh is a fab dad, we find it difficult to accept that we have a child that is so agressive as we are a quiet and happy houshold in the main.

Yes, you sound like a great (and very patient) mum. I'm sure it will pass. They just have loads of energy at that age. I've also tried(although it takes extreme self-control and patience - resources that I am often short of!!) not to turn everything in to a battle (using distraction and humour where possible) and I try and let my little girl have her way with the little things while I try and win the major battles. The other thing I was doing wrong was 'treating her like a baby' and because I was doing too much for her (dressing, washing, feeding etc) she was getting very frustrated. Now she dresses herself in the morning (nearly), puts her pjs in the laundry basket and washes herself (to an extent!) and she's much happier. Just a suggestion ... Her nursery school has also suggested that we (the parents) must make a point of 'obeying' the children (obviously choosing an appropriate occasion) sometimes so it's not just a one-way street! Courage!

Also, look at another recent thread under 'behaviour and development' titled 'I'm living with a mini-dictator'!!

I bet you're doing a great job. but if it would help with ideas or even just to realise how great a job you're already doing, you could look into doing a course? they run a couple in my area - one is positive parenting 'triple p' and the other is with surestart, 'the incredible years'. I'm doing the surestart one at the mo and it does give you loads of ideas