3 year old hates his sister

[helenlove]

She is 13 months and he has hated her since she arrived. If she comes anywhere near him or his toys/room he screams and shouts no at her. There is a lot of hitting and shoving which we deal with appropriately but never seems to end.
He is generally a moany whine round the clock boy. Very hard work and has been since before she arrived so it's just his personality.
Goes to nursery 2 days a week where he is a ray of sunshine.
DD just wants to play with him so follows him around just to get told off. Is this normal?! Will he ever tolerate her or even like her?

We're in exactly the same boat and it's sad.

We've recently started a rewards system that has got our 3 year old thinking more about how she treats her sister. Basically if she is thoughtful toward her, helps or plays with her we give her a pasta to put in a cup. When it's full up she'll get a treat.

I wonder whether it's something we did when her sister was first born. Did we not get her involved enough? I don't know. Too late to go back now anyway!

Mine are 5 & 3. They are very recently showing signs of becoming playmates. DS has realised DD is actually quite good fun if he talks to her and involves her, and DD still adores him despite him barely tolerating her for the last three years! She is very imaginative and good at playing independently (more so than DS) so she is quite good at getting games going with him.

I thought this day would never come, and of course they still fight at times, when tired or if DD won't compromise on something 'important' (being 3yo, it's not her forte.) But they are getting on generally now, and DS now runs to DD straight out of school for a cuddle, which makes me melt.

I think it can get better as the younger one gets old enough to be an interesting playmate. Around 2?

I guess until then, the focus should be on catching your ds doing any tiny nice thing with your dd and showering him with praise.

He doesn't hate her. It's all to do with sharing you. Can you make him
feel more secure

Siblings Without Rivalry is good IMO.

Thanks for replies. I know he doesn't really hate her. I have hope then that when she gets a bit more interesting he will want to play with her.

Am going to order that book and look at a reward chart. I think the negative behaviour towards her gets him our attention so I really need to look at my own parenting!