19 month old constant tantrums and so defiant

[Pam0077]

Hi my ds is 19 months and from about 13 months has been quite strong willed. I know the terrible two's can start early, but he is just so feisty and defiant it's exhausting. He is lovely and smiley, friendly and happy but he just wears me out!! I wondered if it was normal that he does the following:

• runs off as soon as he is out of his pram
• any transitions such as getting back in his pram or leaving the park cause massive hissy fits! Screaming the works!
• Everything is No!!! Pushing me away.
• incredibly loud with his defiance, always in public
• laying on the floor screaming no!

This is when he doesn't get his way. He seems to be the loudest, most active and defiant at the park compared to other kids. Is this normal to be so defiant?! I'm worried he's going to be a real handful when he's older. Also, if he has been like this from early on, do you think it likely that as he approaches 2 yrs he may have got this out of his system?xx

Wish I could offer advice but find myself in a similar boat with DD who is 20 months! At the minute I feel like I don't want to go anywhere as I have to fight to her her back in the buggy when its time to leave somewhere and being 7 months pregnant isn't helping!
I feel like she's the only one I ever see having a meltdown when transition happens and as much as I tell myself it's normal I wonder why I seem to be the only one with a screaming toddler!

This is so normal. It's trite, but you just have to ride it out.

Try to be consistent, have lots of love and cuddles and praise the good behaviour instead of only focussing on the bad. Use distraction techniques. "Oh, why don't you get in the pram and you can have a drink/snack/book to look at?" Or "time to go home, Daddy will meet us there later" etc

I'm definitely not an expert, this was just my experience. We are just over a bad hump with our own DS 2.6. Before the summer I was ready to sell him to the highest bidder, for all of the reasons you've said above. But he has developed massively in the past 3-4 months and now we are starting to have proper conversations and he is happy playing independently. Most importantly (for my sanity), things like short time outs in his room work if he is misbehaving. Even just us counting towards three can get him to do what we've asked.

Good luck.

Agree with KP86. I read somewhere that the "terrible twos" actually peaks between 1.5-2.5 - and that seems to be true of mine. She was fairly high-maintenance from birth, but from 18 months she started having a lot of tantrums and playing up. She's 2.5 now and I'm really enjoying her company - she goes with the flow a lot more, chats to us and understands when we explain the reasons for things. I'd say that consistency is definitely key, staying calm (ha!) as well as talking things through even if you think they're too young to understand. Another helpful thing someone once told me: you may feel like your child is the screamiest, naughtiest one in the park/shop/street, but there are many more whose parents didn't even dare to take them out of the house! Stay strong...

God yes, transitions were horrendous.

I found having something like a car or a cracker etc to whip out of.my pocket was very helpful. It distracted them from their indignation at transitioning from A to B.

Like other pps have said, it sounds like tiresome but completely normal behaviour. It should get better as he gets older and especially as his language skills develop.
If he's having a meltdown, do try to keep calm yourself, distract him or get him laughing at something if possible. Reward positive behaviour (I heartily recommend food bribes for this, although I am well aware that it's not what experts would say, it bloody works).
A star chart might work...and lots of hugs for good behaviour.
My DD was very screamy from about 13m but got much better once she could clearly articulate her feelings.