Hitting/kicking 2 yr old

[jenpatnim]

I have 2 ds, aged 2.5 and 14 months. I have been back at work for 1 month after being at home for a year and the 2.5 yo's behaviour has been dramatically changed.

The childcare routine is complicated and I have no doubt that it is part of the problem.

Mondays they stay at home with DH
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday they go to nursery in the morning and at 1pm are collected by my parents to spend the afternoon until I pick them up.
Fridays they go to MIL for the day.
I'm home at weekends and every afternoon from 4.

DS1 has begun acting out in nursery and increasingly at home - kicking and punching. He shows scorn for time out and seems not to care about punishment. It also seems to be controlled and even planned - they can see him eyeing up other kids to attack.

He has pushed his little brother for a while but has started hitting dh and I as well.

He can also be so loving and wonderful.

There is no violence at home, he has not learned this from us.

Nursery are not happy and think he needs professional help.

I am devastated and don't know what to do.

I just made a gp appt for tomorrow. Please, any help at all?!?!?

How hard Can I ask, how is his language development?

That's a lot of different childcare for a 2 year old. Is there a way he could do 2 full days at nursery and 1 day with your parents? It's still a lot of change really

His language development is excellent. He hit all his milestones early. He is a poor/picky eater and more likely to act up when hungry. At the moment this childcare arrangement is not flexible. Dh has said that if needbe he will come out of world to stay at home with them but that is not ideal.

I earn way more. I can't afford to stop work.

He's so young....is there a chance that this nursery is just not very good? If you have no concern yourself and he is not violent at home, I would be thinking that the care there is not up to scratch. Can you change?

Violet, the nursery is excellent. I have no doubt that he is misbehaving and they are doing their best. He has started hitting us too, but he's much worse at nursery.

How is he when you take him to places with other children present? Parties or soft play?

He's generally good when I'm there, but I think that he's responding to me not being there.