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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Advice please - 8 yr old boy stealing food!

101 replies

biscuitlover · 30/01/2007 10:28

I'm at my wits end and need some advice please! My DS has been for a while taking food from the kitchen without asking. He's quite cunning about it and takes things when he goes to the bathroom on a morning before anyone gets up (we have a downstairs bathroom which you go through the kitchen to get to ). He always denies taking anything even though we find wrappers and crumbs in his room. It's not just sweet things he takes but bread, crackers etc. This has been going on for ages now and I've run out of ways to deal with this. Each time he's eventually admitted taking food and then promised not to do it again but a few days later he's started again. I'm concerned that this may lead to bigger problems as he gets older. He does well at school, has lots of friends and our family life is fine - apart from this! I'm resorting to putting cupboards locks on today. Any advice would be great as I'm out of ideas.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

oranges · 30/01/2007 10:30

Is it that big a deal, especially if he is not just taking sweet things? It seems a bit mean to give him the message that he cannot eat freely in his home?

Soapbox · 30/01/2007 10:31

Hmmm - he sounds to me like he is hungry!

If it was just the treats he was taking, I would agree with you. But if it is basics like bread etc then the child must be starving hungry.

Is he fat?

If not - feed him more! Then he won't need to steal

NotQuiteCockney · 30/01/2007 10:32

I don't see the problem, either.

Does he have a weight problem? Does he eat his normal meals well? If he's hungry, can't he just take the food he wants and eat it at the table?

Twiglett · 30/01/2007 10:33

tell him he's allowed to help himself to bread or fruit but anything else he should ask

although I would expect by 8 that a child should be allowed to help themselves to whatever they want .. providing its not junk and they tidy up after them

why do you feel it is such an issue?

madmarchhare · 30/01/2007 10:33

Does he eat the food you provide at mealtimes?

Saturn74 · 30/01/2007 10:34

Maybe have a bowl with healthy snacks that he can eat whenever he wants, as long as he asks you first?
Fruit, sesame seed bars, that sort of thing.
I wouldn't be keen to put locks on the cupboards, TBH, as to me it gives out unhealthy messages about food.
I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to request that he asks you before he takes anything though.

Original poster

biscuitlover · 30/01/2007 10:34

The real problem is that he doesn't ask for anything - he just helps himself to anything and everything. If he asked then it wouldn't be a problem! I would love him to be able to say I'm hungry can I have ..... but he just doesn't and then sneaks around hiding food. We don't starve him, honest!

OP posts:

Twiglett · 30/01/2007 10:35

I somewhat sympathise as DS (almost 6) turns into a locust every evening and it sometimes drives me bananas ... he will eat supper and then every 10 mins eat something else .. but he's only allowed to help himself to bread or fruit .. last night he ate 3 apples a banana 4 small oranges a bagel a pita bread and 2 slices wholemeal between 6pm and 7.20pm (this was after eating chicken noodles for supper)

oranges · 30/01/2007 10:36

I think Twiglett's idea is a good one.

Enid · 30/01/2007 10:37

give him a bowl of stuff that he can help himself to

I would mind this - eating in bedrooms Not Allowed chez Enid

sounds like a control thing to me

I would say ok here is a bowl of fruit and snacks (as humphrey says) you can help yourself

our fruit bowl is always available, they dont have to ask but they have to eat it in the kitchen or garden unless they ask (so I can make sure they have a plate/dont leave grape pips all over sofa)

Soapbox · 30/01/2007 10:38

I think you can change the rules though can't you, so that you remove the conflict and the need for him to lie about things!

How about he can help himself to bread, butter, jam, crackers, cheese, fruit, carrots, celery, cherry toms etc. But must ask for anything else?

I wonder from your chat name, whether he sees a lot of snacking going on and thinks whats sauce for the goose...

Original poster

biscuitlover · 30/01/2007 10:39

He's not fat, his weight is fine. He eats everything we give him. He's always enjoyed lots of different foods. He has snacks during the day and good sized meals. Perhaps I'm making too big an issue out of it ?! I feel like a monster now (blush) but I still don't think it's right for a child to take things without asking especially the way he does.

OP posts:

Blu · 30/01/2007 10:41

It sounds like a control thing to me too, and putting locks on the doors will only up the ante, and exacerbate whatever is going on that he feels the need to be so independent and private about helping himself to org=dinary things to eat.

Do you seriously mean you are going to the considerable expense of locks, drilling holes in your kithen units etc etc??

I'm sure my 8 year-old neice and nephew help themselves to reasonable food that is available in the house.

SarahJaneSmith · 30/01/2007 10:42

My twins are a similar age and they eat more than my partner who is a 6ft man mountain. They eat all day. A pre-breakfast snack followed by breakfast cereal and fruit. A snack at 10.30am followed by lunch with a pudding. Snack at 3pm, then home for a snack with homework and tea at about 5.30pm with pudding. They loom around at about 7pm looking for another meal. Bed at 8pm. Up at 7am and start the feeding process again.

Unless your lad is over weight (mine are complete shrimps) then you might find it easier to give him his own snack box or cupboard. Mine know that they can have cheese and crackers, rice cakes, any fruit, toast or cereal when they are hungry. My older kids eat even more than them.

Have you seen how many calories a growing boy needs? It's something scary like 2700 a day.

I would be pissed off if they were nicking components of a meal I had already planned or if they were stuffing with crap and couldn't eat their meals....but they aren't. They are just starving all the time.

Maybe he is just really hungry?

What does he generally eat in a day?

KTeePee · 30/01/2007 10:42

I really think at 8 he should be allowed to help himself to a healthy snack without asking - I encourage my children to help themselves to become more independent. Obviously it is different if it is biscuits and other sweet things or if it stops him eating his main meals because he is no longer hungry....

Maybe hide away the sweet things, leave a bowl of fruit out for him to help himself, keep a lof of bread in the freezer so if he has devoured the bread you needed for next day's sandwiches it is not a big emergency!

titchy · 30/01/2007 10:42

If there are no weight issues then chill a bit - don't keep sweets, crisps or biscuits in the house and say he can help himself to whatever. Give him the responsibility of choosing what he'd like to snack on - but insist that in return you'd like him to eat in the kitchen/dining/wherever (my big bone of contention wouldn't be that he's taking food without asking - why would a child need to ask permission to eat in their own house??? - but that he's taking it upstairs and leaving crumbs!).

I think bigger ong term issues will arise if you make a thing out of it TBH.

Mine have been helping them selves to snacks since they were 3 or 4! They ask if they want something sweet or cripss or something on a shelf they can;t reach - but we don;t tend to keep too much of that sort of stuff in the house anyway!

Enid · 30/01/2007 10:43

I wuold be cross if I had said no and he still did it

especially at the secretive nature of it

can he not just ask for bread - what would happen if he asked you for it? I wouldnt let dd1 have bread if I were about to make supper for example

Bugsy2 · 30/01/2007 10:43

I would definitely have a bowl or tray of things out that he is allowed to help himself to. This food should be ok for him to have and for no comment to be made about it at all. He is probably hiding the food at the moment because he knows he may get told off.
My DS also gets ravenous. Yesterday after a big supper of pizza & salad, followed by icecream, he still managed to polish off two pepparamis, a box of raisins, a mini flapjack, a babybel & a mini flapjack.

Both my children help themselves to stuff in the morning too - they are up at 6 am & I'm certainly not going to police the kitchen at that time of day! I don't have any issue with it at all. They both still eat their breakfast two hours later!

KTeePee · 30/01/2007 10:43

loaf!

Original poster

biscuitlover · 30/01/2007 10:45

Soapbox - hmmm we don't snack on biscuits - they're a treat! I like the idea Twiglett, thank you. Letting him know what he can and can't have gives me more control and lets him have some choice too. Yes it's the conflict and lies I want to get rid of as it's not healthy. And yes he does turn into a locust ten minutes after his tea and wants to eat non-stop until he goes to bed. Our fruit bowl is always available and he knows whats good/not so good to eat. I'll try to be more positive and use your ideas - bread, fruit etc and ask for anything different

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 30/01/2007 10:45

Blimey - this reminds me of my control-freaky mother !! She used to accuse me of STEALING food - funny coz I thought I lived there and the food was for me !!!

No wonder he is cunning and hides the wrappers - you're setting him up for seriosu food issues !

Enid · 30/01/2007 10:46

no she isnt!

I would be cross if my chidlren took food without asking (except as I have said the fruit bowl stuff)

its common courtesy to ask and its about manners not food issues necessarily

scatterbrain · 30/01/2007 10:47

She is - I know because I have serious food issues and that is precisiely why !

madmarchhare · 30/01/2007 10:48

So hes obviously 'stealing' it because you are going on about it. Hes obviously hungry.

Try saying 'OK, you can have x,y,z whenever you like, but please dont take it to your room/wherever'

Enid · 30/01/2007 10:49

well if you nicked food out of my kitchen without asking, even if I asked you not to, then I would suggest you already had the 'food issues'

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