Advice please - 8 yr old boy stealing food!

[biscuitlover]

I'm at my wits end and need some advice please! My DS has been for a while taking food from the kitchen without asking. He's quite cunning about it and takes things when he goes to the bathroom on a morning before anyone gets up (we have a downstairs bathroom which you go through the kitchen to get to ). He always denies taking anything even though we find wrappers and crumbs in his room. It's not just sweet things he takes but bread, crackers etc. This has been going on for ages now and I've run out of ways to deal with this. Each time he's eventually admitted taking food and then promised not to do it again but a few days later he's started again. I'm concerned that this may lead to bigger problems as he gets older. He does well at school, has lots of friends and our family life is fine - apart from this! I'm resorting to putting cupboards locks on today. Any advice would be great as I'm out of ideas.

But would anyone expect their dh or dp to ask before they took something to eat? Presumably no (if yes perhaps you ought to start something on a relationshi thread! LOL). So why would you expect a child to ask before they had a snack? Fair enough not to plough their way through whatever you'd planned for that night's evening meal - but you'd be cross if dh/dp did that, but bread, crackers, fruit, - why why why would they have to ask before they had a snack in their own house?????

I'm not getting this concept of kids "nicking food" out of their own kitchens - are they not members of the household, is the food not for them ??

Very odd way of thinking !

I really do think that there is a happy medium here. Let children help themselves to certain things. That gives them a sense of independence & responsibility & means that if they are hungry at the crack of dawn when they wake up, they can help themselves.
My food intake was severely controlled as a child & as soon as that control was removed I went nuts. Had to try every sweet, chocolate, cake & trashy bit of food ever made because I'd never been allowed it.
There is a middle ground though!

Ok so need to go shopping and stock up on bread ! He is like a stick, plays lots of football etc and probably eats more than his dad. I really don't have a problem with him eating - its the sneaky way he does it. Locks on cupboard will only make it a bigger issue so I guess I need to be more flexible and let him snack (healthily) to his hearts content. And yes I hate the crumbs upstairs so that needs to stop.

i think this is good, actually

i'd be quite sad if my kids didn't feel able to take snacks from their kitchen

its not my food, its all of our food

there would be an issue if they didn't eat with the family or clean up, thats all

OK

We enjoy food in our house. My kids eat well, they cook with me, they make their own cakes, they enjoy a healthy, varied diet with lots of stodge if they want it.

But - I buy the food, I plan the menus, packed lunches etc. I do the majority of the cooking. If my dds want a snack they ASK for one - if it is something they can get themselves they still ask first, then they get it. If I have to make it I do it when I have a minute, unless it is just before a main meal then I say no, if you want it after your meal you can have it.

I simply do not believe that you let your kids of 8 or under wander in and out of the kitchen helping themselves.

sorry x posted

If he asked for food in the past and was refused then he has no option but to take food and hide the evidence. Saying 'no' doesn't stop him from feeling ravenous does it?

He must have been refused food or been made
to feel bad about wanting more or he wouldn't be hiding it would he?

My children ask before they have any other snack than fruit.
This is so I know they won't spoil their meals by snacking beforehand. It is also because DS2 has lots of food allergies, and he needs to eat little and often. I like to ensure he is getting a good variety of healthy carbs throughout the day.
I don't expect my husband to ask before he had a snack - because he is an adult!

christ i let my 3 yo wander in and take stuff

he helps his sister, who is 18 mo, as she struggles with the fridge door

they have their own shelf in the fridge , which they put their stuff on when we unpack the food.

Two camps emerging - the food-controllers and the snack-accepters !

Different strokes for different folks !

8 year old boys need a lot of food. They are going to be men in ten years time so thats going to take a massive amount of fuel.

If he isnt fat and he eats all his normal meals then I think he should be able to help himself to extra as and when he needs it.

Enid - I think there is perhaps a difference in overall principle between you and some of the other posters here

Certainly for me, the goal is to raise children who are capable of living as independent adults. For me, that also means taking responsibility for regulating their appetite and for making snacks and clearing up after themselves.

I do not want to regulate their apetite for them! Otherwise how will they manage for themselves. If that means that they eat an apple before a meal and then don't have room for pudding, then so be it! If it means they have a slice of toast but can't then manage a bowl of pasta, so be it! They will learn

yes but if your kids have their own shelf you are already controlling what they eat

I have said we have a snack bowl that mine can help themselves to

and I very rarely refuse snacks

Oh hey - I'm not a control freak! It's manners to ask for something, I was brought up with good manners and expect my children to use them too. Thank you Enid. This is the issue - of taking without asking - I don't have a problem with him being hungry and wanting to eat.He's a growing boy for goodness sake. Perhaps I worded my initial post wrongly. Like I said, I'll make it clear what he can and can't have and then let him help himself to stuff and we'll take it from there. Hopefully he'll enjoy his independence and will stop feeling the need to sneak around and leave crumbs in his bed.
The reason I wanted advice is so that I can avoid it being an issue for him later in life.

I think everyone is broadly saying the same thing - to let children snack when they like on a pre-selected range of food. But the word stealing is emotive, and perhaps not appropriate in this context. It labels a child who is simply working out his relationship with food.

But why is it bad manners to help yourself to a snack in your own home[bemused emotion]

this obsession with raising independent adults at 8!

you lot are mad

Scaterbrain wanders off scratching head and looks bemused !!

as long as its not before tea, then leave him to it.

in fact buy him stuff specially

Yes he can go into the kitchen and get a snack as long as I know he has asked for it. That's my point - I don't think he should just wander in there willy nilly. I don't refuse him food unless it's 5 minutes to meal time. I want him to be independent and make choiceabout his food, but he also needs to understand that he has to tell me he's getting a snack, even if he justs shouts on his way to the kitchen - "Just getting a snack Mum". What's wrong with that?

But Enid they have to learn independence at some point - and you can't expect them to suddenly hit 16/18 and hey ho they're independent - it needs to be learned gradually. and parents too need to learn to let go gradually! It's a learning process for both adults and children.

You may do all the food shopping and planning and cooking - that's how the division of labour works in your house (and mine too) - but just because food is your responsibility does that mean dh would have

At what age will you begin to let your children help themsleves to (healthy) snacks?

That obviously isn't his experience or interpretation or the house rules. He is acting in a guilty way.

interpretation of

yes agree with sarahjane

biscuitlover see my other thread on Food

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