DS 4.11 peeing in bedroom

[BathshebaDarkstone]

He's started peeing either on the floor or in random empty pots, otherwise he's completely TT.

WWYD?

Bump

Put a potty in there?

Same here id give him a bucket and make him empty it ever time you find it used hopefully eventually he will work out its quicker to use the toilet. But at least in the mean time it will be a bit less gross.

It'd depend why he's doing it tbh. Do you know if it's laziness? fear of bathroom? Is it at night time only? Act of rebellion?

Because I'd probably approach it differently depending on why he's doing it.

It seems to be an act if rebellion, he doesn't do it anywhere else in the house. He may be going into his room to do it, rather than doing it because he's in there already. He goes to the loo the rest of the time. So far it's only been during the day.

Bump

You need to make sure he knows how unacceptable it is and I would go down the punishment route e.g take away privileges. As long as there is no major emotional underlying reason of course.

What did he say when you asked him? (try to ask calmly and be genuinely curious).

Small children often don't find wee particularly offensive, don't understand about germs, and are still learning social conventions.

When I was about that age, my friend and I put a big cardboard box full of scrunched up paper in a corner of my room and used it as a toilet. My friend had an upstairs toilet and our house didn't, and we genuinely thought we were being quite clever making one. There was no naughtiness involved, just a lack of understanding.

When my mum found it (smelled it I think!) she was shocked, but when we explained she just cleared it away and told us very clearly that we should use the actual bathroom. I still remember being excited and proud that we'd made a toilet, using it almost as a 'look what we can do now!' thing, then mum's reaction and realising it wasn't ok, expecting to be told off but then that not happening, and not doing it again because I'd learned (rather than because I'd been told off)

At almost 5, if BT I would expect him to fully understand that this was unacceptable, my DD and her friends at this age certainly would have.

I'd talk to him about why, and if it really is an act of defiance then I agree with the punishment route. It's disgusting and it needs nipping in the bud before you end up having to fork out for a new carpet, or it escalates to other parts of the house.

I'm guessing he doesn't do this at school, so this suggests he does know its not ok but is choosing to do it anyway.

BT?! Bloody autocorrect! NT even!

Umm, I may not be Neuro-Average whatthefreak but it's never been much of a problem.

I think small children often understand things less clearly than we think.

I have to disagree, at 5 moat children shpuld be able to grasp that the toilet is for toileting, having been out of nappies for several years. I would suggest if unable to grasp this basic concept then there are other concerns to be addressed.

'Should be able to grasp' is not the same as 'already has grasped'.

I'd have thought an explanation about germs/smell/grossness would work and a stern 'you will not to this' would fix it.

If it's just naughtiness do whatever you would normally do for naughtiness - it's not special just because it's pee (though I can see why it might feel that way!)

At 5, a child's understanding is very concrete and behaviour based, and they don't link things up the way adults do.

So they know that you should use a toilet or potty. They might have a basic understanding of germs and plumbing if you've explained it, but probably won't link them to why we use a toilet. They only wash their hands after the toilet because we've taught them that's the rule. Likewise, use of a potty vs a different container is very much rule-following (they won't think about why you keep different containers for different uses and the yick factor is learned not inbuilt)

So that's all fine when nothing gets in the way of those learned behaviours, but plenty can:

• creatively creating an extra family bathroom without considering plumbing
• taking the comment 'it's your room, and you can do whatever you like there' too literally. Small children can be very literal
• fear of the flush monster, and no ideas what to do about it
• I can't even begin to guess what else. Children are incredibly creative.

These would be cause for concern in an adult, but personally I think there's a lot of room there for lack of knowledge/lack of wider understanding in a small child. And 5 really is still small.

OP, you need to ask him why he did it. And then as ftw says, just tell him not to!

strawberry he said, "I don't know." Not helpful.

Thanks for all the advice, I hope I won't have to take any of it!

Have you made VERY clear how wrong it is? I think we can sometimes be too nice and understanding in our haste not to blame and shame a child. He might not translate a "o dear, never mind, next time" as "I think this is a bad thing to do and never want to clear away this sort of mess again". There is a time and a place for an impatient parental bollocking and I think this is it.

Maybe he is put off by walking across the landing at night if it's dark? A nightlight in the hall might solve the issue.

Also though I've heard of older blokes getting up in their sleep and peeing in corners because they think it's the loo when they are sleep walking. My DH has almost done it a couple of times and I've thankfully heard him getting out of bed and stopped him.

Is he actually awake when he does it?

He's doing it only during the day, Toofondofcake.

Ohhh sorry I missed that! Sorry OP.

No problem Toofondofcake.

Impatient parental bollocking is more likely to make him do it again, paxillin. I tried to have a serious talk with him, but he wasn't in the mood to listen. If he does it again, which I hope he won't, I'll try again.

Thanks all.

One thought OP is playing in his room like a daytime privilege? Would banning him from playing in his room alone be enough of a deterrent to stop him doing it again?

I would try and find out why he's doing this, rather than just assume it's laziness and punish him.

My brother behaved at a similar way at the same age. We didn't find out why until 35 years later - it turns out he was being sexually abused . It was a cry for help, he got punished for it.

I'm not saying your ds is being abused, just that this may well be his way of expressing upset at something (maybe even something that seems small to adults).