Please help, two year old driving me crazy

[Misty9]

Dd is 2.1 and very articulate (full sentences, correct tense etc) but recently seems very angry and keeps completely ignoring me when I ask her to do something. For example: dinner time this evening, mucking about with her cutlery, banging it etc, told to stop or cutlery will be removed. Didn't stop, cutlery removed, wailing meltdown. soft dh gave cutlery back after getting reassurance it would be used for its purpose and, repeat. Lots of talking about smashing things with a hammer and generally being a handful.

Help! Ds was the most biddable toddler ever and I don't know what to do with dd. We spend half the time at loggerheads recently :( I have been a very shouty mummy today :(

Her hearing is fine, she often answers a question that has been repeatedly asked before it is repeated yet again. It's the ignoring which gets me riled! Oh, and the wailing when she doesn't get her own way.

Toddler wrangling tips anyone?!

This all sounds very, totally, completely normal.

Tips:

• Try not to lose your cool. Count to 5 under your breath, or walk away. If you shout it escalates things/rewards them with attention and drama/teaches them to shout. Easier said than done mind you!

• Pick your battles. Sometimes it is important that she obeys you, sometimes not. Also cut her extra slack if tired, unwell, hungry.

• If she's ignoring you - "I'm going to count to three" has worked well for us. See the book: 1-2-3 Magic for more details.

• Toddler Taming is another good book.

• Be consistent (and have a work with DH about this) - if you say no it has to mean no. But remember pick your battles.

• Once they get a bit older, reward charts and time outs can work.

• Try making it fun sometimes, not just being strict - otherwise you can end up in a negative cycle

Oh yes and

• Given she is articulate - encourage talking not wailing. "I can't understand crying, you have to talk to me".

• Sympathise, show them you've understood how they feel "I know you want to play and not get dressed, but we need to get to nursery"

Totally with you right now! My little one is driving me insane. She won't go to bed, she ignores me and she's started hitting and biting me. I've tried everything but I am at the end of my tether.