Help! FTM to a very challenging baby

[sleater1]

Hello,

I'm a FTM to a 4 month old DD. She seems to be progressing ok with her milestones. This may sound silly but I'm really struggling with her mood swings! She will be happy and laughing one minute, then flip to absolutely screaming for no apparent reason the next. It can take me ages to calm her down. Holding her doesn't seem to help, in fact she sometimes seems to prefer to be put down, which I find upsetting. In addition to this she is always moving, and I mean always! Her legs and arms have been going almost since birth. She won't sit still for a minute and is definitely not a cuddler.

Has anyone else had a baby like this? Did they get easier? I feel really guilty and tearful about the fact I'm not enjoying my much wanted daughter.

Thanks for reading.

Sounds familiar. Sorry to tell you but DS2 was like that, and it was only really once he got to about 4 that there was a major improvement. He is the light of my life now, however, at 10, and it seems funny to think we used to not enjoy being a parent to him when he was younger AT ALL.

With DS I think it was a combination of things- he suffered with teething, with colic, eczema and just didn't seem to enjoy being an immobile human. Things improved slowly once each stage was over, by increments. Eg he was a bit better once his colic went, then a bit better again once all his teeth were through. Once he was walking and talking things improved a lot, but he was a very wilful toddler and needed a lot of patience and boundaries.

He does tend to let you know how he's feeling which can be a bad thing when he's not in a good mood, but at least he's not bottling things up! And he is so very rarely in a bad mood - most days it's the total opposite and he lights up the room when he walks in. He is so bright and funny and popular with his friends and teachers and I am getting teary-eyed thinking about how wonderful he is.

So hang on in there. If you have one of these demanding babies the first few years are frankly a fecking trial and you may regret the decision to ever have children at times.

But there definitely is an end, and it's a totally wonderful one! Hold onto that thought.

Tbh I don't think the mood swings are that unusual - I have a relatively easy baby (relatively) and he flips his lid out of nowhere sometimes too. He also prefers to be put down to calm down - but specifically in a dark room with loud white noise, with me striking his nose. Any chance that might work?

at striking his nose

Haha!!! I meant stroking obviously :)

My DS is 4 months, goes from Yay to a screaming Naaaaaaay with no real transition period, moves like jelly every waking moment, but difference is he doesn't want to be out of my arms. Like he seriously objects to mummy grabbing 2 mins to go loo, and putting him down to sleep is seriously stealthy.

Give your little girl some time, she may not be this way for much longer. Be strong. My DS is not an easy baby but he will be more manageable at some point, so I focus on that.

Try not to worry but do share concerns with GP or health visitor.

I had one just like this. My ds was pfb and by goodness was the most active baby I had ever seen. He had a dreadfully grumpy stage between 3-4 months. Then it stopped suddenly at the age of 16 weeks when he discovered that he could push himself up onto his hands and knees. And crawl. I had a 4 month old crawler!

He was then cruising the furniture by 18 weeks. He could run as soon as he could walk. It was hard work. All the babies in my NCT group would lie contentedly in their prams. Not mine. I can honestly say I didn't really enjoy this months. I was shattered.

Fast forward 8 years. Ds is now into a wide range of sports and activities. But is also very focused on school work. Will happily sit and read for hours. But he does need lots of physical activities and play.

So my advice would be to take your DD swimming. Regularly. Its a lovely activity for you both to enjoy that will stimulate and calm your DD in equal measure.

Thanks for all the encouraging comments.

Curly - 4 years, wow! I really admire you for holding it together for that long. I've only done 4 months and I'm struggling!

Finola - thanks for the suggestion about swimming. I was actually considering this as DD is so physical and loves the bath. Your DS sounds lovely btw.

I think I've been feeling especially low this weekend as I took DD into work on Friday to show her off and she screamed the place down. I'm sure she has the loudest cry of any baby I've ever encountered! If I felt I could comfort her it wouldn't be so bad, but not being able to makes me feel like a rubbish mum.

Anyway, I'll stop going on about it now!

Thanks x

It's not 4 years of the same level of awfulness, don't worry! It just gradually got better and better over time until when he was about 4 I realised that most days with him were pretty fab compared to when he was younger.

It'll be ok. Lots of deep breaths and remembering that it's just a stage, (even if it is a long one!).

I took DS into work a few weeks ago and the little bugger Angel screamed the place down then too. I know it feels embarrassing and crap but remember it's normal - babies do cry. Some cry more than others but it's all normal and nothing we're doing wrong!

Hi op don't feel guilty. My dd1 was very difficult- always crying through her first year. She is 3.5 now and absolutely superb- lovely girl, rarely tantrums, well behaved and kind. I didn't enjoy her much as a baby though. Hang on in there- she will get better.
The only thing to suggest is that I realised around 3 months that she was actually tired way more than I realised. Look up awake times for her age and see if perhaps she's not sleeping enough?