People keep telling us our DD is spoiled

[AllTheDwarves]

So, as the title suggests, both sets of grandparents keep telling us our 4yo DD is spoiled because she still throws tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants. I just wondered what other people think constitutes a spoiled child?

She doesn't always get what she wants, by any means, and we imagine it's another delightful pre-school phase she's going through. She's always been quite "fiery."

Some comments have been quite hurtful (unintentionally) and are making me feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong.

Thoughts?

My 4 yr old is a bit spoiled (youngest of three, standards have slipped, I'm working now and overcompensate, her older sibs often give in for an easy life, the nanny literally won't say no to her... textbook 'a bit spoiled'). Typical for us would be a request for ice cream 5 minutes before dinner and then a protracted howling, wailing and theatrical flinging herself about for 20 minutes (we've never had kicking and clawing though, think I'd stomp that one right out the first time she tried, but who's to say? It's only luck that she hasn't thought of it so far) but the point is that she never does any of that nonsense at school. She's a sweet, biddable, helpful, sociable child at school. So don't stress too much OP. She probably saves her worst for you.

sometimes tantrums aren't about the ice cream they can't have or whatever seems to have triggered it and are more about big emotions coming out all at once. Could it be that shes not communicating her upsets and stresses well throughout the day so then they all just erupt when she can't have the ice cream or whatever? Or could she be trying to get attention? I read a thing that recommends connecting with your child 2-3 times a day for 10-15 mins. Just sitting with them and letting them lead the play with them knowing that you are there for them. Could be worth a try. ...But i dont think she's spoilt. She sounds perfectly normal for a 4 year old. It sounds to me like the GPs are unsupportive and unfair to you. Have they made other comments in the past? Tell them to back off with the criticisms it'll affect your confidence as a parent and that will make things worse.

OP you are not spoiling her at all. If you gave in to her demands due to the tantrum, you would be, but you've clearly said you're not! I think you're doing a brilliant job and even better for not going mad at GP for their input (I would be very upset!)

My twins had lots of outbursts at that age and I've seen exactly the same from their friends. I have friends whose children are not so sensitive or 'emotional' so i doubt they understand!

Ignore all comments. There is no cut off age for tantrums. It's just a way for children to express their frustration and anger and they forget about within a matter of minutes. I've had people question my parenting abilities quite nastily and it really hurt. You know your child. Grandparents were raised and raised children in a different time and they have no right to judge. Just tell them to back off and if they continue they can frankly do one you and your child don't need the negative vibes and hurtful comments. Don't worry your doing a great job.