2 y/o DD constant screaming and hitting

[NaraDeer]

2.5 month old DD has recently become very hard work, I'm starting to lose my patience and I know that will only make the situation worse so I'd love any ideas on what I can do.
She's isn't talking yet so I can't encourage her to use her words when she's angry and I think that not being able to communicate her anger is a big cause.

She screams all the time. Before she used to babble in a normal tone and now she just screams, if she wants something, if she doesn't want something, if she's angry/annoyed/not getting her way.
I'm already fed up of the states and muttering from other people when we're out.
She's also started hitting. Only me and DH so far, not other kids, and it's when she can't get her own way. She keeps hitting, slapping, scratching and pulling at your face whilst screaming.

I try to talk to her, explain the situation and that I understand she wants X and that she feels Y and give her a cuddle but the screaming and hitting continue.
When she was younger and throwing a tantrum I would distract her but that doesn't really work now and I'm worried that she needs to know that hitting is not acceptable.

I need to learn what to do to help her and to stop myself when I start to get upset.

Hi OP....have you investigated her lack of speech at all? She is delayed...and obviously getting frustrated. Did she have a 2 year check? Also have you had her hearing checked recently?

I've been to the GP several times and insisted the HV came to see her as they didn't want to, but they all say she's normal and won't do anything or ever check her hearing.

Could be nothing, but sounds a lot like my DD at that age, now 3.5 nursery has referred for assessments as they believe she has some level of autism and have also referred her to have hearing checked.

FWIW, from my opinion she has got much 'better' than at around 2.

Cross posted, at 2 year check I was completely fobbed off, so didn't bring it up again as she seemed to gradually be improving.
Nursery brought up themselves with no mention from me, and didn't seem surprised at health visitors lack of reaction.
I don't think health visitors actually have much relevant training.

If your little one is at nursery they are able to put in a referral so may be worth seeing if they have any concerns.

Glad to hear things are a bit better, Hippo.

I've asked both GP and HV about autism as she was scoring highly on M-CHAT. They all said they weren't concerned about it and I have to admit she scores low on it now.

It's just her anger and frustration (understandably) now that causes us problems.
Not helped by the fact that my DM keeps telling me that her tantrums are not normal and something is wrong with her.

Sorry didn't see your second post.
She's not at nursery yet. I'm being stupid I know, but I worry about how she will cope at nursery and how the nursery staff will deal with her when she's angry and upset.

M-CHAT is only relevant up to 30 months. What was she scoring? Ds2 scored 16 at 24 months and had a preliminary diagnosis at 2 1/2 confirmed just before 3. My GP sent my highlighted mchat print out with paediatrician referral. So I would return and demand a referral giving previous mchat scores and whatever speech/communication issues there are now, plus any sensory issues. Focus less on the behaviour so they can't comment on parenting and explain what causes the behaviour.

And a hearing test is also vital and it's astonishing she's not already been referred.

As to how to cope with behaviour, it's best to look at what triggers the behaviour and work on that.

Also, does she still babble at all or has she lost those early language skills because that is a big indicator something is not right, possibly hearing or even a regression.

To be 2.5 with no speech at all is quite delayed. Get back to the GP and start making louder noises. She needs some referrals. Hearing test and speech and language at the very least.
I'm very sure her lack of communication will be a big contributing factor to her behaviour.

I can't remember the score, sorry Antiquity. It was high risk.
I've never mentioned behaviour issues, mainly as up until very recently she didn't really have any!

Once I got them to agree to a hearing test and referral to a paediatrician because I refused to leave until they did something but they just sent a letter two weeks later saying they've decided not to go ahead with either.

She still babbles, but only in vowels, d and s. She can't say any other letters. Never has.

I'm due back at the GP tomorrow Smartie.
I've honestly lost count of the number of visits to GP, calls to HV, calls to the local SALT team. They all just ask if she's my first and then give me a sympathetic smile like I'm overacting. My 7 month old nephew can make more sounds than her and kids are starting to be mean to her when she goes out playing in the park.
It's breaking my heart but no one will help.

I'm sure the tantrums are due to the lack of speech. I'm doing all I can to help with speech but I need to learn techniques for helping her when she's angry but can't express herself.

How much language is she understanding? Can she follow simple instructions 'answer' simple questions (pointing to make a choice etc)
I am very suprised that no health professional has agreed that there is a problem? Has she had a 2 yr check with the health visitor? My DD at that age was just starting to string short sentences together and even that was flagged up as a minor delay and we were referred to a salt group thing.
You just must start insisting that a referral is made. Be very annoying and get what she needs!

Can you afford to see a SALT privately? Not ideal, but they can help refer to audiology for hearing tests, I think.

The GP has finally agreed to refer her to SALT. I'm so happy I could cry.
We couldn't afford private or we'd of done it a while ago.

Yes she had her two year health check but they wouldn't have it said that she delayed.
She understands everything and can follow instructions without any prompts.