2yo really getting me down

[Queazy]

I have a beautiful 2yo dd and a 4mo ds. My dd is crazily jealous. She has always been wilful but her behaviour is now truly 'terrible twos' type behaviour. A friend visited today with her two 1yo's and my dd refused to play and refused to sit to eat lunch. She whined, tantrumed and teased the babies or took things off them. I know she's not far off being a baby herself, but she'll be 3yo in the summer and I'm at the end of my tether. Does it get any easier? I'm reading books to help me but they all suggest gentle approaches and she doesn't respond to these. She happily hits her little brother while I tell her I can't let her hit him etc....

Arrrrggghhhh! I'm shattered and slowly going nuts

It's very hard I know but 2 really is almost a baby. It's tiny...and the behavour with visiting friend is just par for the course at this age.

It does get easier...when the baby is older and can do more...and don't forget that she will soon be in nursery....is she at any groups or anything?

I know it's normal, it's just very hard work at the moment She's already in childcare two days a week. I just find keeping her from hitting the baby 13hrs a day utterly exhausting. She's beautiful but relentless....!

Sorry if this is crap advice or if tried already. DS is only 16 months and we are just beginning to see his temper and wilfulness so I have no experience from the mum side of the fence.
I was 2 when my sister arrived and used to bite her. A lot. In the end my mum started picking me up without engaging every time I did it, and just plonking me outside the room with the door ajar. Apparently I stopped biting her within a week!

We have similar age gap, and had similar problems with older DS. Things that seem to help:

• making sure he's getting enough exercise & stimulation (so he has better things to do than harass little one)
• spending quality time with him without little one when possible
• showing him ways of interacting better (e.g. if baby has toy you want, offer him another one and he may well give it to you)
• identifying proactively when he's tired or hungry as he's much worse then

The removing him from the room thing hasn't helped for us, but partly because I can't effectively comfort baby while holding door shut against toddler. What I think has helped is toddler getting more verbal and baby getting more interactive. Aka you'll get through it :)