4 month old not in ANY sort of routine - What should I do?

[cruisemum1]

4mt old ds wakes ususally around 7ish but owing to erratic night feeding is ir is not hungry. Naps around 1-5 - 2hrs later but lenght of nap varies wildly. Sometimes feeds 2 hrs later sometimes 3. Naps for 30 mins to 1.5 hrs after that. I need some order in my life but as he sometimes doesn't feed a whole feed (bf) he is hungry shortly aftter. Also tried the bw EASY thing but that means that after eating he has activity for a couple of hours then sleeps just as he is due another feed. TBH i am totally confused. I have a dd who seemd textbook routine by comparison but it was 9 years ago so my memory has faded. WHAT SHOULD I DO????

Gosh my spelling really is getting atrocious.
Meant to say definitely would try the advice re waking him for a late evening feed - leave it until 11 or 12 if you can and get dh to to all the other bits between. (you might need to do a feed early in the morning too to start with, but try to keep pushing that til later). Sounds so easy, but I can sympathise with how knackering it all is at that stage.

finding it hard to cope today. ds grumpy,grizzly. yuck yuck yuck

just wanted to send hugs cruise, soppy I know, but genuine

genuine and much appreciated - thanks

It will get easier...

fizz - are you sure? when? how? do i have to do anything?????

yes I am sure, but don't know when.....if you have 9 year gap, think back to probs 9 years ago when your dd was a baby....it all passed in time.

It's jut when you are in the middle of it it seems to last forever.

Do you do a dream feed?

Can you put a breakdown on here of last 24 hours?

hello just wanted to say re waking everyone else up , our 11 week old DD sleeps in own room, and DS aged 2.11 is in a room closer to her than our room, and despite her waking once, sometimes twice in the night for a feed noone else seems to hear DD except me, even when the floorboards creak and gran as I rush down the corridor to her.
Also all this routine stuff seems very much ok if you only have one, but with 2 and school/nursery runs and car napping it is much harder. I'm going for getting as much milk down in the day as possible, and last night she slept from 8 til 5.30. I think they work ut their own routine eventually. Re EASY is did wake, feed, play. What is PUPD??

PUPD is pick up/put down where you pick the child up to comfort them but as soon as they've stopped crying you immediately put them down again.

Cruisemum - have you tried doing cluster feeds in the evening? It means giving your ds milk at around 5-5.30ish, then bathe them, then give them more milk before they go to bed. I never had to do this so maybe someone with more experience of cluster feeding could help more.

One other thing - you are getting a lot of good advice here but I remember that being overwhelming for me. I'm guessing that you are a bit 'where do I start', 'what do I change first'? I would take it slowly, let your ds get used to one change before starting something else and he will even out. Like fizzbuzz said, it will get easier and it will help if you try not to get too worried or stressed about it (easier said than done, I know)!

Repeat after us - it's only a phase, it's only a phase...

Yeah great advice from pudding77.

Slow down, take a deep breath and try and implement one change at a time.(says she who lives in a whirl of chaos....)

well! last night I gave did the feed/ bath/ bedtime routine as usual, put him to bed at 7pm - as usual. he woke around 2 hrs later, as usual, and again shortly after that, as usual and then nothing. He stirred a couple of times during the night and grizzled/shuffled about but settled himself!- then not a peep until 5.10am this morning! I feed him, put him back in his cot and nothing till 7am! I, on the other hand, woke hourly in anticipation of another sleepless night but I am sooooo happy that I know he can do it like he was before . I think he has had a sore throat as a spin off of his cold as he is quite hoarse and still snuffly. Now the advice I have read is not to feed him during that 'core sleep' again. Whadya reckon??? Very happy mummy today!

Yes agree with that don't waken during core sleep. Do you give a dream feed? This might push early waking back a bit.

I don't dream feed as I am quite ok with the 5am waking and then feeding and sleeping again routine. My dd did this and gradually the 5 became later and later until it was an acceptable time to get up! I am hoping that this will apply to ds
So happy today!

Yayyy! Sounds good cruisemum

Happy you are happy today cruise!!!

I also read somewhere about keeping a log of eating and sleeping times, because this helps you to notice if they are in any sort of pattern.

fizz, jam and everyone else who has posted on this thread - thank you so much for your messages over the past few days or so. It really has kept me sane! Sad but true . Sometimes it is hard to admit to family/friends or and feel out of your depth, which is why this forum is so invaluable at times . I am hoping that Dominic has turned a corner as he has started napping for in excess of an hour at a time and settling himself when he wakes. This surely means he can do it at nighttime as he did last night . Anyway, I will continue to post on here so keep a lookout.....

missed half the message there! I meant to say it is hard to admit that you sometimes feel out of your depth or overwhelmed....

Cruisemum....dd started going through night at 4 months old, so fingers crossed.

cruise - so good to hear you positive!! you are a great mum, caring and considerate your LO is very lucky - my DD is 4 months now too and is begining to settle more, (still throws a spanner in the works now and then like her current 4.30am wake ups, but I keep telling myselfs it's just a phase )so let's cross our fingers together

puffling, I just have a question for you (sorry to hijack). I'm following the same routine as you with DS who is 3 months, but I was advised to keep him awake for an hour at 11 pm, then settle him back down. Have always done this. He will sleep to 5 or so but not sleeping thru yet. Do you think it's better then NOT to wake them at 11pm but just dreamfeed, will that make him go longer do you think?

I have 2 kids - 1 is nearly 2.5 yrs and is now happily asleep in her 2 hour post lunch nap. When she was a baby, i wore myself out constantly clock watching and feeling frustrated and upset when she didn't follow either the "one we can't mention" or the EASY routine or 1 I made up! When she was 5 months old and could easily soothe herself by thumb sucking, she fell into her own routine which I learned to follow and we were both happy. My youngest is now 12 weeks and often drives me mad by confort sucking, snacking, grizzling all day etc. However, I think I have her worked out- if I can get her to go to sleep when tired for as long as she wants, she is much happier and falls into a rough routine of feeding every 2.5-3 hours. I have just started a nighttime routine of bath by 630, feed and sleep in her cot. She wakes around 11, 3-4 and 6-7 now. She only falls asleep by sucking on my finger but I always try and get her thumb in first and know from experience that eventually, the thumb will work and we will have peace. So, my advice is, don't keep watching the clock, don't assume that sleep in the day means none at night and watch for their routine. best of luck!

just one more question.......... now that ds is almost recovered from his cold and he has, for two consecutive nights mangaged to sleep 6:45pm - 10/11ish then until 5ish then again till 7ish, should I ignore his shuffles/grizzles anytime inbetween that? It is hard ot ignore as we are still sharing a bedroom until our loft conversion is complete (a month or two) and I find myself getting him up just to get some shuteye! Do the words rod and back spring to mind amongst you?

btw - we are now in a routine!