How does Time Out or Naughty step work?

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My 21 month DD is getting to that stage where shes throwing tantrums and doing the opposite of what i ask. Im not a big fan of smacking and after trying to give her a swift one once after a show down over getting her pyjamas on, ive realised that shes such a tough cookie, it wouldnt even phase her! So I need a better form of discipline... ive seen Time Out on those child behaviour programmes and heard several people talk about the naughty step but i dont want to start introducing anything until i know the ins and outs... Any wise old ladies out there in the know? (You dont have to be old really )

We do "going to the corner" - we have a destined corner at our house, but I can find a corner immediately, anywhere in public - any corner will do. I think the key is not to raise your voice, so you're calm, cool and collected, no matter what the child happens to be doing. You're detached, so you are in control, not the child.

This seems to work with DS1. When he elicits my anger my voice tends to go down a notch in volume and pitch, and get slower: "If you don't calm down by the time I count to ten, then you're going to the corner." Then I am bound and obligated to put him there if he doesn't do as I ask.

If you pick a battle, you have to win it - Every. Single. Time. No matter how inconsequential it might seem after you've been arguing about it for 30 minutes. You MUST win every single time.

Had to spank DS only once, and it was on the above priciple - had talked myself into a corner, and had to deliver what I'd threatened. It made a big impression; have never had to spank him again.

Forgot to add - if she won't stay in the corner but keeps coming out of it, then forcibly hold her down into the chair you've set up there for a minute or two. Just stand above her wordlessly without making eye cotact and press down gently on her shoulders with your hands, silently counting to 60. Also makes an impression that you don't have to express verbally: "I am stronger than you. I am more powerful than you. I am top dog in this family." It was effective for me; DH had gotten this across already via those father-son wrestling matches.