4 yo hitting at pre school

[PeppermintNightmare]

My 4yo ds has been having issues at his pre school. At his last parents evening before Christmas we were told that he had been hitting other children. This was news to us as this had never been brought to our attention.

Despite the schools attempts and our attempts at home to stop this behaviour it is still going on. Last week we were called in to be told that another parent had made a complaint about our ds.

We had a talk with ds and explained how this behaviour was not acceptable and he now has a set punishment that if he hurts or upsets anyone at school he has no television or screen time when he gets home.

It's still happening and I really don't know what to do. I will be asking the school for a meeting today to discuss this but I don't know what to say to them. I hate the thought of him hurting other children and I'm terrified that this behaviour will become his normal and he will take it though to primary school when he starts in September. Has anyone had any experience of this?

I haven't at pre- school but ds1's first term at school was horrendous because of hitting and hurting other kids. It was truly awful and I was very upset but it was a phase that passed.

You are doing the right thing by backing up the nursery and explaining its wrong etc. I really don't see what else you can do.

At the end of the day you aren't there, it's more a question for how the nursery will stop it from happening? Ask them their plan and back them up all you can.

And please don't worry too much, when I look back I was so upset and we are now in yr1 and all is well - no hitting it hurting and fantastic behaviour. Good luck.

But if you do want some ideas in getting through to him...

When there had been an 'incident' I was advised to play it out with teddys or toys showing what happened and who was upset/hurt. This didn't work well for us as he started belting all the teddys!

What I did do was sit with him with a pen and paper and draw a picture. School yard, kids, etc and draw with speech bubbles what happened and how people were sad. I then did a picture with what would of happened if he'd not hit - smiley teacher, smiley daddy at pick up etc.

The teachers also did stickers and we did a pasta jar giving him x number when he had a good day and once the jar was filled he got a treat.

Whether any if these things actually helped I don't know but at least I felt like I was doing something. Looking back I think it's a maturity and impulsively thing that sorts itself out in time.

Thank you for your reply. I did wonder if it was just another phase. We seem to have a lot of them. I have a meeting with the school next week so hopefully will find out a bit more about what triggers him to lash out. With half term coming up hopefully we can get him out of the habit of hitting.