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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Exclusion from nursery - 4 years old

13 replies

Nutters123 · 13/03/2016 05:10

I need some advice. My DS is 4 and since Christmas we've been having problems with his behaviour at home and nursery. We have managed the at home and it's improved massively with only very occasional incidents of hitting/biting/pinching, however it's not changed st nursery.

This week he had a really bad week and they saw me to say they will have to exclude him for a week if it continues. I'm really worried about this as it doesn't address the problem and he won't understand at all (in fact he'll probably be happier at home). I need to talk to them again but wanted to see if anyone has any similar experiences.

I don't think they've done enough yet to resolve it. They implemented a sticker chart this week but that's all so far. I think they are failing him as an individual child with his needs.

He has some speech and language issues (he talks but is not where he should be), he can't deal with things like most 4 year old due to this as he cant express himself well with words. They know this is part of the problem. My DS has also said other children hurt him so I'm concerned there's more to this that I'm not seeing.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks Jayne

OP posts:

Dellarobia · 13/03/2016 06:59

I'm a bit shocked by this! I've never heard of a 4yo being excluded from nursery and I agree with you that I don't think it will be effective. The nursery should be used to this kind of behaviour and have ways of managing it. Can you arrange a meeting with the staff to discuss strategies? Is it a nursery attached to a school or a private nursery? If it's attached to a school, I would involve the head too. If it's a private nursery, I would seriously consider sending him elsewhere if there are other options.

Original poster

Nutters123 · 13/03/2016 08:10

It's a private nursery. I discussed things with them early February but not much has happened since then. They told me not to worry they would manage it and now this! My worry is that exclusion won't make a difference and then what are they going to do that all the time?? Me and my husband both work and rely on childcare and we can't keep having time off. I know they wouldn't do this in school and would have to manage it (my sister is a teacher). I feel really let down by them. I'm not sure what's going to change in a week. I'm going to talk to them on Monday and express my concerns and see what they say, I feel I still need to look into other options as it's just not good enough. I'm really disappointed as I felt it was a great nursery until this happened. Jayne

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 13/03/2016 08:15

What are his triggers? Have you ruled out any medical causes with a GP? Hearing, urine infection etc

Do they inform you of every time he is violent towards an adult/child? Do you have a record of the incidents that they are citing for the reason for exclusion?

Cakescakescakes · 13/03/2016 08:17

A colleague was in a similar situation and turned out her child was being pinched and hit by other children out of sight of staff. Staff only saw her child reacting by hitting back. This child also had speech delay and ASD so wasn't able to articulate what was actually happening. They withdrew her anyway once it all came out as they had lost all trust in the staff.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 13/03/2016 08:18

Is there a SENCO at the nursery? If not they need to consult the area SENCO and get some strategies in place.
They would do it in a school so as he is four it really needs addressing now.
Is he having speech and language therapy at the nursery?

Fairylea · 13/03/2016 08:21

Going out on a limb here but generally speaking private provision isn't as good as state when it comes to additional needs - speech delay is an additional need as it can impact on so much. Private nurseries etc don't tend to want to have children with additional needs for a whole load of reasons, in my experience they will do everything they can to exclude them. (Mainly funding issues etc, lack of training etc). I would suggest looking into a mainstream state preschool / nursery and make it clear about the speech delay and see what help and support they can offer.

My son is nearly 4 with severe autism and speech delay and goes to a nursery with full time 1 to 1 support and has an ehcp (new version of a statement). I know if he didn't have the support he has there is no way he would cope and he would get anxious and stressed and lash out. The support helps him access the activities on his own level.

popperdoodles · 13/03/2016 08:25

Agree a week exclusion is pointless unless something specific will be done in that week eg draft in extra staff to help him??
What is being done to support his speech and language delay? Supporting that is key to his behaviour difficulties.

PolterGoose · 13/03/2016 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Nutters123 · 13/03/2016 09:59

Thanks everyone that has made me feel better! There's no speech therapist at nursery but I'm in the system externally. I agree public nurseries do seem better but unfortunately there's none in the area. I'll ask them about senco support and see what they say. I'm going to see the gp this week and also speak to the health visitor. Such a stress that I don't need right now! Thanks Jayne

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 14/03/2016 16:38

Is putting him in with a childminder an option?

lostinamesd · 14/03/2016 21:52

I would look at changing nursery.the current setting is clearly not supportive.

My DD has speech delay and ASD and I changed nursery twice. we went from no support to 1:1 for most of the time. similar experience to PP as that private was a let down but state/council nursery were fantastic.

is he under Salt? I would also request GP to refer to developmental paed.

Naty1 · 20/03/2016 16:56

spunds like my dd 3.9.
she is picking the behaviour up at nursery from other dc. as she has said about 1 hair pulling and, at a playgroup another kicked her (no apology) or word from the kids mum.
she was also telling me the first kid bites, kicks, hits etc...
but i then get reports of dd doing the same.
i personally dont think

busy nursery protects the kids from each other enough
they are strict enough when it happens

as they send dd to a thinking tent, which has no affect on her. and i assume none on the kids she is copying

she has also been very ill since starting which hasnt helped her to settle.

so basically there may well be more going on at nursery but your dc cant communicate it. or they are not paying them enough attention and they are bored/tired/hungry or thirsty.

Original poster

Nutters123 · 20/03/2016 18:36

Thanks, I've decided to move him, they basically said they can't do the things in nursery that we have done at home! No real plan or offer of support it just seems like it's too much effort and it's my problem to resolve. The nursery I've found has explained what they would do if something similar happens and I feel more confident about the new nursery. Just got to get him settled there now xxx

OP posts:

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