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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When putting your baby down

24 replies

tam16 · 01/03/2016 15:58

He's a month old & when ever I put him down in the daytime he doesn't stop crying. The moment I pick him up he stops. He has got used to so many visitors that he's used to being held all the time. Iv been told to just leave him & after a couple of days he will know that he can't be picked up all the time. Does this work? I don't know what to do!

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LastOneDancing · 01/03/2016 15:59

T is is my answer for everything but... have you considered a nest?
Sleepyhead or cocoonababy are great.

Highlove · 01/03/2016 16:28

He's so tiny, just pick him up. Honestly, I know it's tiring but they're so little for such a short time, just go with it and give him a cuddle - he won't yet know he's not still a part of you. He's way too little to be left to cry. I know it's always said on MN, but try and get yourself and sling so he can sleep contentedly snuggled up to you, and you can get on with stuff. But not housework - you can ignore that with a month old.

Original poster

tam16 · 01/03/2016 17:08

Thank you for the advice. I'm just worried that he's gonna become really clingy until the age of 5. As that's what iv been told 😕

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CultureSucksDownWords · 01/03/2016 19:13

I picked up my DS if he cried and held him, every time. I also let him sleep on me for most naps, and I fed him to sleep too. All the things that some people will tell you that you mustn't do.

My DS is now 3 yrs 8 months, and is absolutely not clingy at all. He never has been. Since he could crawl he's been more than happy to go off and explore. He went to nursery at 11 months, quite happily on his first day and had a great time. I know it's just one example, but I really don't believe in this idea that any of the things you've described will lead to a clingy child. In fact, I'm more of the belief that the more you respond to them in the early days, the more secure they are in the longer term.

Havalina1 · 01/03/2016 19:27

Just pick him up, he's only a baba, they have ages yet to learn to 'be independent'. Plenty of time in the future for teaching / training but not yet, you're definitely not making problems for yourself picking him up! Enjoy the cuddles, and get others to hold him when you need a break

Artioo2 · 01/03/2016 19:37

It's not because he's got used to visitors holding him, it's just that he's so tiny, he's not even aware that things are any different to when he was inside you and getting a non-stop cuddle. You can cuddle him as much as you like, it's brilliant for his development and you won't make him clingy. I always picked up DS when he cried, he's now 4 and an affectionate but definitely not clingy little boy. :)

minipie · 01/03/2016 20:28

I agree it's not about visitors - some babies are just like this, they grow out of it fairly soon.

Sling and sleepyhead (or poddlepod is cheaper version if just for daytime) are good suggestions.

Was he a bit early?

KatharinaRosalie · 01/03/2016 20:31

my DC2 spent first 3 months strapped to me, in her sling. They don't call it the 4th trimester for nothing, they are still so tiny. And she's now the most chilled out, content baby ever. No, you won't spoil them by picking them up.

cornishglos · 01/03/2016 20:51

It's the opposite. If a child has a good attachment to its parents he will be more confident and less clingy, because they know you are there if they need you. They don't question it.

Original poster

tam16 · 01/03/2016 20:58

Thank you for all your advice. It has made me more confident with him now & in the future. Being a 1st time mum is even scarier then I thought. Thanks again ladies appreciate it 😀

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Kiwiinkits · 02/03/2016 18:04

A swaddle and a dummy?
I would do anything to avoid holding him all the time. Giving him sleep associations that do not involve your physical presence is preferable because it frees you up from sitting down all day, which is not that great for your mental or physical health.

Kiwiinkits · 02/03/2016 18:05

Never ever leave a tiny baby to cry!!!

CultureSucksDownWords · 02/03/2016 18:07

A sling would mean not having to sit down and also having hands free though.

HelenF35 · 02/03/2016 18:08

A sling is your friend. Try a local sling library for advice on what type to get and you can hire to try before you buy.

LetThereBeCupcakes · 02/03/2016 18:10

Ah DS was exactly like this! Had to be held constantly. He's just turned 3 and is very independent, asks to go for sleepovers at grandparents, loves going to nursery. Cuddle your baby!

Pocket1 · 02/03/2016 21:08

I remember feeling exactly the same with DD - now she's a wriggling fidgeting 2.8 year old who loves running about. Yes I get cuddles but they're brief now as she's always on the move. Enjoy those little cuddles - time passes so quickly

ThirtyNineWeeks · 03/03/2016 17:54

What Kiwi said.

spiderbird85 · 05/03/2016 12:53

It's so amazing to read that! I'm doing all of what you did and I'm always told I shouldn't 'spoil' him. I'm also told that my son is one of the happiest babies most people have ever seen, he smiles at everyone. I agree, a secure attachment now will produce a confident child later.

LoopiusMaximus · 05/03/2016 15:03

Imo there's no such thing as spoiling a baby or picking it up too much. The idea really frustrates me and is normally spouted out by the older generation. The idea that Itl'll create a clingy baby is ridiculous and is something my grandparents always say.

Imo a 'clingy' 5 year old is one that has been left to cry for extended periods as a newborn and constantly not had its needs met. In fact research shows babies that have there needs met and are held closely whenever possible are more independent and less prone to depression in later life.

Newborns want to be held closely so that they can smell mum and know she is Close by, after all they've spent 9 months cocooned inside you having all their needs met by you.

Most babies hate being put down at this age, it natural and normal. My ds1 was hardly out of my arms, always held or carried in a sling and he is a happy, independent little boy. My 8 week old again is carried and not left to cry for long periods and already sleeps well at night in his own crib.

LoopiusMaximus · 05/03/2016 15:08

Ps please don't listen to the 'don't hold him all the time' or 'yiull create bad sleep associations' or the 'let him self soothe'. He's way to young for any of that.

Oh and please, please don't worry about having to 'sit down all day' with your little baby. That is extremely normal!

Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 05/03/2016 15:10

There's some right bollocks people spout about sleep associations and making rods for backs etc etc. He's a tiny baby who only knew dark, warm, noisy you for 9 months, he doesnt need swaddling or a dummy, he needs to be held. Get a sling if it helps, and sitting down is bloody good for you when you've got a new baby, preferably eating cake and watching box sets.
Blink and in a few months he'll be struggling to get down, wriggle all over the place and clamber all over you pulling your hair rather than be held all snuggly like he is now.

Original poster

tam16 · 09/03/2016 12:55

Thanks everyone. Your all really reassuring 😀

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Pinkheart5915 · 09/03/2016 13:00

Could you wear a sling even indoors? That way you get your hands back and can walk around the house do things, this is what I done.

IMO at a month hold if his crying its cos he likes being near mummy so let. Don't let people tell you to leave him, self soothe

littlejeopardy · 09/03/2016 17:07

Agree with the rest. You are not spoiling your baby, your just loving him. I'm a first time mum too, it is unbelievablly tough, so go easy on yourself. Do you have anyone who can help you during the day? One of the best things my DM does to help me is to hold or watch DD so I can nap in the afternoon.

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