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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is this notmal for a 9 yr old boy to google???

26 replies

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 09:24

9 yr old ds has been on the tablet (I do have parental controls on however Google was on and forgot to take it off). I have just been looking at the history and have found him googling the following : nude strip clubs, boobs, sex doll, sex, naked boobs, dicks. Amongst other things. He has ASD but high functioning. I know if I question him he will just deny it and say he didn't do it. That is what he does. I think I will sit down with him after school without telling him off and try to talk to him about it.... This has happened once before and I put it down to curiosity etc and I told him the Internet wasn't the right place to go and that he could always speak to me or anyone if he had questions....

I'm really worried about this and don't know what to do it if I should do anything else? His biological dad is no longer on the scene and he is very much like him, ex h was obsessed with sex, degraded women and abused me. Plus his second wife. I'm petrified ds1 will turn out like him. He is under Camhs although they are no use.....

Please help?!?

OP posts:

FrozenPonds · 09/02/2016 09:28

My 9 year old only Google's under my supervision, stuff like pokemon, mine raft etc.

The things you mention wouldn't enter his head.

Where do you think he picked this stuff up, if his father is not on the scene?

Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 09:34

I honestly don't know which is why I'm worried. To clarify parental controls are always on it even when Google was on, Iv been through it and although I haven't seen nudity or graphics pictures there's a lot of stuff on there a child should not see.

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Keeptrudging · 09/02/2016 09:49

Screen shot the hstory and print it out. It's irrefutable evidence. It's not a good idea to not challenge your son (ASD or not) about it, even if he's going to deny it.

Be really clear. "This is the history of what you have been looking at on the Internet. This is not what you are allowed to use the Internet for. You are banned from the Internet for a week. Next week you can use it again, in the same room as me, I will check that you are using it sensibly."

I would not get into negotiations/long heart - felt discussions. Clear consequence, no negotiation. After the week, clear boundaries about what he's allowed to use it for. Try again, praise for using it properly.

As for why he's searched these things? I wouldn't read too much into it/link it to his dad's behaviour. The likelihood is he's hearing older boys at school using these terms and is curious as they're not things he normally hears at home/in class.

Keeptrudging · 09/02/2016 09:50

Random 'no' there !

onelittleclara · 09/02/2016 09:50

As a parent to a 9 year old DS I too have had this issue. I think the curiosity element is normal but the issue lies with the media he is using to find things out as its not easily controlled and links to many many non normal elements of sex and bodies. Both DH and I recall sneaking looks at porno mags when we were that age but the difference being that the images were limited and you weren't then pulled into anything else like a link.
You need to have a chat regarding curiosity and the fact the internet is mostly only adult appropriate. I found that many of his peers had done the same thing. The problem is not your child's curiosity but the access to non appropriate material via Google. Google controls are limited I find

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 09:52

Where do you think he picked this stuff up, if his father is not on the scene

Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 09:53

Yes I agree, even with all the restrictions they still allow things through. I have removed Google and will only allow him to do it on my phone for example when I am there. I just wasn't sure if this is a major concern reGardig the actual words he has used. He is year 5, so theoretically he is one of the older ones... Other than the year 6 and due to his asd issues he doesn't often socialise with them as isn't allowed out side so is alwayS inside with adults and other asd kids?

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Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 09:54

His father was on the scene

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AlwaysDancing1234 · 09/02/2016 10:06

My DH used to work as tech support in Primary Schools and the year 5/6 kids used to try and google rude words quite frequently when they used the library computers during rainy play times etc. They never found much as controls so tight but DH had to report to teachers that words such as "boobs, willy, arse, tits" we're being put into search engines. It's quite common apparently.

Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 10:09

Thanks always, that helps. I can understand boobs, willy whatever but sex doll and nude strip clubs?? No way is it something dh and I talk about in private let alone in front of dc so it hasn't come from home! The only place he goes without me is school. I just can't understand how or why kids would come across these things so young. He is my eldest so I have nothing to compare it to. I appreciate the modern world is making kids grow into little adults too quick but I'm so sad Iv not been able to protect him from it

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Keeptrudging · 09/02/2016 10:09

A former pupil of mine (ASD) used to Google horrific stuff (not sexual, more gore/violence) and watch really inappropriate stuff at home on his ipad, from a younger age than your son. His family were totally unaware until I called them and discussed the need for them to put strong restrictions in place. Parents were horrified, they thought he was watching cartoons! He was a lovely, gentle child, did not socialise much with pupils. I have no idea why he was so fascinated by extreme images/film, but he was, it was no different in some ways to when he went through other obsessions such as mine craft or lego. All of his obsessions had the same intensity, if that helps?

Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 10:14

Yes he is very intense. I'm worried because I thought I had dealt with it last time when it was only minor word, it's now worse.... As I say Google is banned (dis regarding the parental controls!) so I'm hoping it won't happen again u just don't know what to do for him to really understand.

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UptownFunk00 · 09/02/2016 10:23

Caught my nephew and niece googling similar things together at 7 and 10 years old (was babysitting didn't realise aunt had turned safe search off so I quickly rectified that). It's partly curiousity I think and partly thinking its a bit naughty and cheeky therefore exciting.

I'm sorry to hear how your ex treated you but please be careful not to lump your son in the same ball pit. He may have a sex-interested mind but he's being brought up by your values and as you say he's HF he's likely to understand if explained why we don't do X, y and z (have an adult friend if Aspergers').

Try to remember to turn safe search on in Google so any images will be tame (some are still risqué but not quite reaching pornographic).

I'd sit down with him and explain why you feel it's not appropriate for him to google these things and also to give him the chance to ask any questions he has about the body that you can answer - thus getting solid, appropriate information first hand.

Good luck :-)

Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 10:25

Uptown, this is my concern though. When this happened the first time I did exactly that, I sat with him and didn't shout, explained etc....

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TooMuchOfEverything · 09/02/2016 10:27

Its safer internet day today so your school should have tons of help and advice if you ask them about it.

One thing to think about is, if he has access to youtube, it can suggest some pretty wild videos down the side of the page - he could start with something innocent/childish and be only a couple of clicks from suggestions teaching him the sort of phrases that have been googled. So he could put in 'boobs' and get led to suggestions for 'sex doll' pretty easily.

TooMuchOfEverything · 09/02/2016 10:29

Oh, and can I recommend all the usborne sex ed/growing up books for age appropriate factual stuff.

UptownFunk00 · 09/02/2016 10:31

By the sounds of it he's got himself a little fixated. Can you tell if this was all in one day or scattered over days/weeks?

MrsJayy · 09/02/2016 10:31

I think he has googled something like Boobs or naked women or even sex and all this has come up on his search I think think kids are curious and the internet just hands it to them on 1 easy search kids have phones and tablets now so they can see this stuff easily it was a simple I forgot Google was on and away he went you need to tell him this is not on and maybe limit his use for a while

UptownFunk00 · 09/02/2016 10:31

The searches that is.

MrsJayy · 09/02/2016 10:34

My friends son at 11 was looking at gay porn on you tube she thought he was looking at guitar tutorials

ClashCityRocker · 09/02/2016 10:38

The more specialist phrases may have been auto-suggested? Ie he typed in 'sex' and it came up with 'sex dolls' so he was curious and clicked.

I think curiosity is normal; my friends and I would have jumped at the chance to see a willie at eight or nine and spent quite a lot of time speculating about various things of a sexual nature alongside usual child's play.

However, this was pre-Internet and the fact of the matter was we never had the chance to access the disturbing and distressing images which could potentially be found on the web. I think the closest we got was a VHS tape of the ups and downs of a handyman that my elder brother had taped off channel 4 - which quite frankly both de-mystified sex and was quite off-putting.

I do think you need to confront him whether or not he'll deny it, whilst making it clear that any questions he should come to you rather than the Internet - which it sounds like the approach you're taken anyway.

Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 10:42

It looks as though it was just last weekend and the weekend before. Not mid week. I have rung the school to speak to the asd co ordinator to ask for advice as she knows him and understands his ways. Waiting a call back.

I knew about you tube, this was how it came about last time so you tube is also banned

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Original poster

Worriedmum123456 · 09/02/2016 10:43

I'm definitely going to talk with him after school today

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MrsJayy · 09/02/2016 10:43

Me and my friends used to giggle at men in pants in my mum's catalogue at 9 and my cousin found a porn mag in his house but with the images kids can see today needs challenged

VulcanWoman · 09/02/2016 10:48

The things you mention wouldn't enter his head.

I think you're underestimating what kids talk about in the playground, unfortunately some children know all about the adult world and pass these things on.

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