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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do I phrase this politely

73 replies

evamum · 26/12/2006 15:05

to my MIL and friends

Stop saying Ta and Hiya to my DD although you say this to your kids and are trying to teach them to say these words as I want her to say Thank you and Hello.

Before you all think I am a complete snob the area I live in has a very strong accent with these words and as I did not grow up here I dont want DD talking with this accent.....

OP posts:

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auntymandy · 26/12/2006 15:06

I hate it when people say Ta to children!!
What is the point..its like pussy cat and moo moo!!
When will they use these words in adult life?!

Carmenere · 26/12/2006 15:10

Don't worry about it too much, if they are not used at home regularly she probably won't grow up saying them.
Not worth mentioning imo as it will sound like snobbery(because it is) nad maybe a bit hurtful and unkind to your dh's relatives.

TinsellyRhino · 26/12/2006 15:11

I say ta but dd1 says thankyou and now dd2 is saying fank so she;s getting there

I don't think it will make your dd say ta if you never say it at home

Original poster

evamum · 26/12/2006 16:51

Hmmm, I'm actually glad people have said it sounds snobby, now I know I wont bother saying anything cos IL's will take it that way!
I may not say it at home but I am out everyday and all my friends do it, drives me batshit, especially the
'Say Ta'

She's 10 months old ffs, she can say bah, and scream, but words are beyond her right now.....

OP posts:

Troutpout · 26/12/2006 17:32

Everyone says those words here Evamum (Northwest) but neither of my 2 children say them....just because they aren't said at home much.
We moved here when ds (9) was 1 years old and he sounded completely southern untill he started school.He then picked up a bit of northern accent(thank gawd...he used to stand out like a sore thumb with his London accent).I think that you may find you are powerless to stop that one (unless you move)!

dumplings · 26/12/2006 17:35

YOu can't phrse it politely because it's rude.

Sobernoel · 26/12/2006 17:40

It may be rude to object to people teaching your children to say words that don't actually exist instead of ones that do, but it would annoy me, too evamum. I wouldn't say anything, but I would (and did) make sure my children knew what they should be saying.

They will have a local accent, though, once they start school, so you'll have to make sure you don't mind it by then - or move!

MrsBojangles · 26/12/2006 17:43

I would just ask the people involved to please use 'proper' English as the kids language will deteriorate soon enough, e.g. when they hit school/become teenagers .

Then again I'm a defender of the 'correct' application of a language because it took me years to learn English 'properly' and cringe at quite a few colloquialisms. Then again I also cringe at 'love' and 'darling' from people that haven't met me before

JennStarOfWonder · 26/12/2006 18:14

I agree Evamum. Not many people say it to my dd but when they do it grates. Don't think she will start saying Hiya or Ta, but have an aquaintance who proudly informed me his grandaughter was saying hiya even though she is 2 months younger than my dd. Couldn't bring myself to say anything though. Just smiled and said wow.

JennStarOfWonder · 26/12/2006 18:14

Judy1234 · 26/12/2006 18:28

Hardest ghing we had was when the chidlren told the nannies it wasn't correct to say "pardon" so then we had to have a word with the children about one's absolute priority being making the other person feel comfortable and keeping your mouth shut is a good idea. I always remember my mother telling us a story about Queen Victoria who was entertaining some foreigner who picked up his meat in his hands. She then followed his lead to make him feel comfortable.

Other thing we had with all the children was a stage when they sais "you was" because the nanny said that. It passed off once they went to school.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 26/12/2006 18:29

Well, it's not actually true to say that these words don't exist - they are common usage in many areas and they do exist, even if you find that they grate on you (I can't stand "ta" either, it gets on my wick). I probably would say "oh, I'm trying to teach her "thank you", it would be less confusing for her if we all tried to teach her the same phrase, would you mind?" rather than "don't say that to her, it's not a real word, I want her to speak proper English!"

sandyballs · 26/12/2006 18:30

Don't worry about it, not worth it IMO. If they aren't hearing this at home it won't stick.

We live in the south of england and our neighbours girls' have a geordy dad and it amazes me that they haven't picked up his accent a bit more. They find him hard to understand! Shame for hime, I love the accent.

jalopy · 26/12/2006 18:38

I agree with sandyballs. It's what they hear at home that matters. If you say something to your friends and mil, you run the risk of them being offended. It's not worth it.

Judy1234 · 26/12/2006 18:40

It's an interesting issue - do we accept bad grammar. I was pleased one of the twins' teachers was telling children not to say "haitch" but "aitch". Others might say our various differences should be respected - a bit like the issue of whether providing translators for immigrant communities hinders them because it means they don't need to bother to learn English as I saw suggested in an article just now.

My mother teaching classes of 49 5 years olds in 1946 in very rough parts of Newcastle thought (and she's right) it could hardly do them harm to correct them, that that helps them in life and with getting jobs if they know what is regarded, however wrongly, by other parts of society as "better" or right.

Sobernoel · 26/12/2006 18:50

Fair point Greensleeves, I just looked it up in the dictionary and 'ta' is there as an 18th Century child's word for 'thank you'. Still don't like it, though!

Original poster

evamum · 26/12/2006 19:46

I probably would say "oh, I'm trying to teach her "thank you", it would be less confusing for her if we all tried to teach her the same phrase, would you mind?" rather than "don't say that to her, it's not a real word, I want her to speak proper English!"
Thats what I am looking for! thanks Greensleeves!

I am a blunt person by nature but with my IL's and mummy friends it will come out as judgement of how they raise their kids, which it isnt at all, its just that I was raised to talk a certain way and I expect my child to do the same!

(god, I sound like my mum....)

OP posts:

MossletoeAndWine · 26/12/2006 20:09

Just make sure you're careful!

My mother, unlike the rest of my family, spent her formative years in the South, and when we moved back up to the North, although she was from Liverpool originally, couldn't bear the accent.

Consequently she taught my sister and I to "speak properly". Surprisingly enough it didn't go down so well with the other children and was certainly a contributing factor to some pretty bad bullying.

Couldn't you bring her up multilingual?

southeastastra · 26/12/2006 20:11

aw i wouldn't stress about it! only snobby people worry about accents and want everyone to sound the same and that would make for a boring world wouldn't it! ta

ELF1981 · 26/12/2006 20:13

My FIL told me not to let DD say "ta" because he thinks its common.
I personally feel that she will be able to learn Ta a lot quicker than Thanks or Thank You (seeing as she's only 14 months old) and I'd rather her sound a little common for a bit than rude.

MossletoeAndWine · 26/12/2006 20:22

Suppose it depends where you are! I find "la" for lad maybe a little bit common, but wouldn't have a problem with "mate" or "love". However, one of my colleagues, who is from a posh bit of London originally, loathes it when women he doesn't know call him "love".

He does work in Liverpool though so he really needs to come up with a coping strategy and fast!

booge · 26/12/2006 20:26

Thank you and hello have been some of DS's first words he hasn't got all the sounds but they are recognisable, I don't believe children need to learn baby talk. If someone I didn't know well said "say ta" I'd let it pass but when MIL did it we asked her not to.

Sobernoel · 26/12/2006 20:51

They're not consciously rude or polite for years, anyway elf, so there's no need to teach an easy word only to change it later, imo. Mine didn't know what 'please' and 'thank you' actually meant til they were older, but they knew when to say it from about 18m. Loads of people see no point in making children say words til they understand them. I just thought I'd start instilling it early, rather than teach one thing and then another later.

HaggisSupper · 26/12/2006 21:02

DH's family got my DS saying 'ta ta' instead of bye bye and it used to really grate on me. He was about 1 at the time and I never said it to him but he still picked it up. He is 19 months now and says bye bye, and has done for the past 3 or 4 months thank goodness.

Thing is, I always thought ta ta was really babyish, but that's how they all speak to each other!!

Kristingle · 26/12/2006 21:04

dont worry evamum, it will make no difference at all. she will speak with the same accent as all the children at school or nursery. she will not get turned down for the best universities because she said Ta at a year old

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