How do you handle swearing?

[Dorsetmama]

My 8 year old just swore directly at me. Phrase was: "start the fucking timer then" when he was placed on the step for something he did to my partner.

How would you have handled that? I took him to his room and removed his playstation... ie his privilege. He has to stay in his room until dinnertime. There'll also be no tv as a consequence of having his playstation removed as this is how he watches it.

This is the second time he has sworn this week, although the first time was indirect.
He has also been harder on his siblings lately although thats not unusual tbh.

I wouldn't punish for swearing, I would ask for an apology though. It sounds like he might be getting too old for a naughty step.

My 8 year old is a handful at the moment but I find more attention and affection works better than punishing him. It isn't always easy though.

I was just sat here musing that he is too old for the step.

Tbh i never used to punish for swearing i would just let the child know that its not ok to swear.

But my asd child got sent home from school and consequently excluded for the following day because he swore.... So i figured perhaps i need to be more proactive at home

It is a bit extreme to exclude for swearing, unless he was telling the teacher to fuck off.

I tell mine what the world thinks of them when they swear. So although they know the words they don't want to be seen as horrible children (yet!). They only swear to impress each other when they think I'm not listening.

I think the step is humiliating at 8, it would make my DS angry and that doesn't help.

So you'd go straight in for a privilege withdrawal?

The swearing re my eldest.... He told a dinner lady it was "none of her bloody business" but they classed it as a "Level 5" in their behaviour policy.

I don't do organised punishments really. My technique is to be very very nice most of the time so that when I'm angry with them I only have to shout at them. Then swiftly follow it up with a cuddle and talk. I'm lucky that this works for my sons, it probably won't work for the DD.

You have to take into account bravado and saving face too. A lot of what they do comes down to this and they don't mean it so it isn't worth responding to. I can see your problem with asd son though, doesn't the 8 year old understand his influence? I would talk that up.

What was none of her bloody business? He might have had a point!

Haha. She was trying to intervene when another child was trying to get a rise out of him. Rather than let my son leave, she insisted she find out what was going on and he refused a few times before the swear.
Personally, i didnt think it was a big deal.

As for my 8 year old... And my others, i tend to dislike punishments but my partner is hot on it.
Another thread really... But im planning on leaving him for other stuff but also because he just doesnt parent in the same way, and can't accept they are my kids.

Maybe some of the problems i have stem from that.

I am usually nice mummy who talks and helps instead of doling out punishments. But lately its less harsh coming from me, so i step in.

Maybe it will rectify itself when he has gone!

My daughter called her nursery carer a "funny bugger", she's 2 and a bit we've taught her to say funny monkey instead, she actively stops herself and self corrects, not sure that would work with an 8 year old though

No.... I think he tends to think "fuck you I'll swear if i want to"

Re Preschool though... Once my 3 year old (at the time) said "bum" in context, mind.

I got told by the Leader.... She said "i corrected him to bottom instead" it made me LOL in her face!

Haha! How ridiculous! 😅

Good luck getting rid of him OP, it sounds like a positive move.

amysmummy indeed it was

Thanks fafo soon.... Soon.

What worked for my DS (who has an ASC) was a very small penalty per swearword spoken. 5p off the week’s pocket money each time for using any of the words on our forbidden list. (If he came up with something new he would be warned and we’d add it to the list.) DS was really attached to his pocket money and it meant I could stay very calm so that worked for us.

That was at home, I let the school handle misbehaviour their own way and I didn't punish at home for stuff at school unless it was very serious and the school asked me to.

I dont punish at home for what happens in school either. :)

I like that idea, except my kids dont get pocket money. Ive got 4 and couldn't afford it all the time... Although they do get spare change sometimes but its already a rule they must put it in their piggy banks along with birthday money etc...

My daughter (4) has used swear words for a couple of years really, but we have the stipulation it's only for at home and not in public or at school. And she really doesn't swear much. I work in the film industry so she's been exposed to colourful language from birth.

BUT I emphasise the difference between using a swear word and saying something hurtful. I personally don't believe the two are connected. People can say utterly vile things without using a swear word, and others can use a swear word to underline how wonderful something is. So I focus on context and HOW we talk to each other, rather than the language used. If that makes sense. My daughter thinks saying 'shut up' is worse than saying 'bloody hell'. I agree with her.

I tried the same thing... My boys didnt seem to get it, and didnt bother to resist using them at school.