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Original poster

Child Watching Porn

62 replies

EmilyNoo1234 · 28/12/2015 09:03

My 11 year old daughter has been caught on numerous occasions looking at hard core porn. I have had numerous discussions with her, banned her from her devices, removed her from the Internet etc etc. However her need seems so great she take other people devices and sneaks them to her room. We have now had to change all passwords on the router and have even had to put a passcode on the television as we caught her watching adult channels on the TV!

When she has sneaked devices, she can be up most of the night and the next day she is unbearable! Argumentative, aggressive, unapproachable etc.

I don't want to restrict her to having nothing but I truly dont know what to do! Can anyone offer me any advice?

OP posts:
Thornrose · 28/12/2015 13:01

I don't think you're trying hard enough to block her access. Why is that?

If she was older I would get it but she's 11 you have all the control!

ShelaghTurner · 28/12/2015 13:04

I'd be sleeping with the router under my pillow and the plug of the tv too. I can't understand how it's this hard to stop access. You say she's taking other people's devices, well then whoever it is that is also viewing porn and is presumably able to access on their phone is just going to have to go without their access for the sake of this child. A blanket ban on any of it coming into the house and I'd be seriously worried about any family member who wasn't on board with this.

BastardGoDarkly · 28/12/2015 13:10

Erm, yeah, like everyone's said, where the fuck are your families device filters?! You say you're computer savvy? Why is this so hard?

mudandmayhem01 · 28/12/2015 13:17

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FATEdestiny · 28/12/2015 13:21

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Tinseleverywhere · 28/12/2015 13:34

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t875 · 28/12/2015 13:46

I would be concerned and get her to talk to some one. You can also call young minds they might be able to help you. Could you go private to get a councillor or ask for Someone else through the dr? Hope the situation can be rectified.
Also with everyone else pull the internet for a while x

AndNowItsSeven · 28/12/2015 14:00

I doubt an mp would help Grin

Strokethefurrywall · 28/12/2015 14:07

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BastardGoDarkly · 28/12/2015 14:27

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FATEdestiny · 28/12/2015 17:01

Well, the response from my report suggests MN do not consider the posters background to indicate this is a troll thread. So...

EmilyNoo1234

(1) Who's other devices is your daughter using?

Are we talking about sneaked in friends devices or household devices like siblings, yours or your partners?

Stop allowing friends to bring tech into the house and/or into her bedroom. Keep tech in family areas of the house, not private areas.

Insist all tech is downstairs at bedtime. Do a physical check every device is downstairs and on charge when the children go to bed. Don't let anyone have tech in their bedroom at night, not just your daughter.

(2) Do you know the site she is using? Have you blocked it?

There are a number of easy to access free porn websites that can be accessed easily just by writing some kind of porn search into google. (Try something like "big cock fucking girl" - I do apologise for being crude)

Individually on each device in the house (not just "hers", every device), do this porn search and block every website that comes up on the first 2 or 3 pages.

If you don't know how to block individual websites - google to find out. It will be a different method on each operating system and browser, but always possible.

(3) Sexually educate her

I have a very mature, pubescent 11 year old DD. My DD is very much more sexually mature than all of her friends and as such she has no-one to talk to in her peer group about sexual discovery. They are far, far too babyish for girly chats of this manner.

So have a Mum-Daughter sex chat. If you are not having these chats and your DD has no one else to talk to - that would explain why she is looking online. So instead, talk to her. Some subject titles to tackle with her:

  • Girls masturbate and it's fine to do. Do it under covers though, just incase your brother walks in!
  • The reason for your periods (assuming you have had the periods talk) is to allow a woman to get pregnant and have a baby.
  • Women get pregnant by having sex. You have seen this online. That is why responsible adults use contraception.
  • Does she know what contraception is? What other things do adults having sex do to stay safe?
  • The sex you saw online is not how Mums and Dads, and the adults you know have sex.
  • Do you understand the difference between fictoion and non fiction books?
  • What do actors and actresses do when making films?
  • Say an actress's dog had just died, they were sad, upset and tired. But they still had to work. What changes would you see when that woman started acting in a scene?
  • Is EastEnders (or Cornonation Stree or whatever) real life? How do you know? Is it strange that so many things happen in the lives of these people?
  • Introduce the idea of 'playing to the camera'. That people in porn videos are acting, that it is not like real life.
  • If she is ready, talk about the abuse and rape that happens in the porn industry (I would not consider my 11 year old ready to now this, but then my 11 year old isn't watching porn)
MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 28/12/2015 19:05

Evening all. We have no evidence that this person is trolling, and would appreciate it if those who have concerns could limit themselves to reporting it to HQ rather than trollhunting on this thread.

Tinseleverywhere · 28/12/2015 22:13

I'm sorry to hear this is probably a real situation as it is so difficult. I still think it's not as simple as denying access to the internet. This girl has seen some stuff unsuited to her immature mind and who knows how it has affected her. She needs to be kept away from it, even if that means getting rid of internet and satellite TV from the home, know exactly why you don't agree with watching it, but preferably not in a way that will make her feel bad about herself. I am sorry you got no help from cahms. I think maybe if you can afford a private children's psychologist that would be worth looking into.

Original poster
EmilyNoo1234 · 28/12/2015 22:45

We have removed all internet access on all devices, Safari has been removed from everything to stop her gaining access on everything, however she seems hell bent on accessing porn and sees nothing wrong with taking my phone or my husbands personal and business phone to get access. The problem is worrying. Removing wifi is easy. How do you stop her using 4g on phones and iPads she sneaks during the night? These don't need wifi! Whilst we try to be vigilant and hide away our devices, we are human and we forget. New have even taken to locking our bedroom door. This is a nightmare situation.i can absolutely assure you she hasn't seen us use any porn as this is something we are genuinely not interested in. However she has an elder brother and I assume the porn aspect may come from that direction or from school as I understand from other parents it is rife in the playground!! My concern with my daughter is that she will see porn as a normal loving relationship which is clearly is not and that she will also be temped to access these sites at other people's houses seeing as we have forbidden them at home. How do you counter for that? I certainly don't want to put a big sign round her neck earning people of what she may do! As for the channels on the to, we didn't even know we had them until we caught her watching them! We have since asked sky to block them and have also password protected the channels.

OP posts:
foragogo · 28/12/2015 22:51

turn the mobile data off on the phones before you go to bed! put a fingerprint or pin on them! keep them in bed with you!

foragogo · 28/12/2015 22:53

ask virgin/three/O2 to block them! put family safe search on with your 4g provider!

wishingchair · 28/12/2015 22:53

If they're iPhones you can set restrictions so no explicit material can be searched on safari.

foragogo · 28/12/2015 22:54

same on Android

annandale · 28/12/2015 22:54

I was using porn at this age, though I accept it was quite lightweight compared to what's on the internet now. I don't think it's that unusual, I first came across porn in bins outside public loos while on the Year 6 school trip along with the entire class, and then found that my older cousins had stashes of magazines. I'd been masturbating for a couple of years I think before that.

I can't say it did me much good sexually, for sure, but I wasn't being abused and didn't find it traumatic. I wasn't staying awake to access it though.

It really shouldn't be hard, though, to remember to lock away your devices if you're this worried about it. And stick passwords on them.

FATEdestiny · 28/12/2015 22:59

We have removed all internet access on all devices, Safari has been removed from everything to stop her gaining access on everything, however she seems hell bent on accessing porn and sees nothing wrong with taking my phone or my husbands personal and business phone to get access. The problem is worrying. Removing wifi is easy. How do you stop her using 4g on phones and iPads she sneaks during the night? These don't need wifi! Whilst we try to be vigilant and hide away our devices, we are human and we forget. New have even taken to locking our bedroom door. This is a nightmare situation.i can absolutely assure you she hasn't seen us use any porn as this is something we are genuinely not interested in. However she has an elder brother and I assume the porn aspect may come from that direction or from school as I understand from other parents it is rife in the playground!! My concern with my daughter is that she will see porn as a normal loving relationship which is clearly is not and that she will also be temped to access these sites at other people's houses seeing as we have forbidden them at home. How do you counter for that? I certainly don't want to put a big sign round her neck earning people of what she may do! As for the channels on the to, we didn't even know we had them until we caught her watching them! We have since asked sky to block them and have also password protected the channels.

Could you tick off an inventory of all household devises downstairs before she goes to bed?

Also put a complex password on devises that are not hers.

she will also be temped to access these sites at other people's houses

Watching porn is not generally a group activity in groups if girls, it's something done mostly in private.

I'd also hope other homes have better parental controls over their children's Internet access.

FATEdestiny · 28/12/2015 23:01

Gosh, sorry about the massive over-copy and paste. I just meant to c&p the bit about sneaking devises into her room

wishingchair · 28/12/2015 23:01

There are two issues - one is the concern over what she's seeing and what that is going to do to her perception of a healthy sexual relationship and the other is the lying and deception to access it.
Both are a worry and need careful handling. I agree you need to take further steps to restrict access but that's not really the solution - she needs to not to want to access it and that's where she'll need help as it does sound like an addiction. I'd go back to CAMHS.

Arfarfanarf · 28/12/2015 23:19

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ArgyMargy · 29/12/2015 07:43

The simplest and frankly most obvious thing is for everyone to use passwords or fingerprint access to their devices. This is basic security for anyone, not just in your case. It sounds as though you all leave them lying around for anyone to pick up and use - surely your partner's business phone has a lock on it? I think you have been poorly served by CAMHS, as your daughter seems to have issues. Being interested in porn is one thing but persistent lying and theft to gain access to hard core internet porn is quite another.

Ledkr · 29/12/2015 08:00

I also think this is more than normal curiosity.
Try contacting the "Lucy faithful foundation" they work with children around sexual boundaries etc. they may help or signpost you.