How do we get on top of dd (3.9) behaviour.

[WeldMeDaphne]

Backstory: dd has always been pretty headstrong and prone to epic tantrums from about 9 months old. DS arrived 7months ago- she has been loving towards him. We are in the process of moving house- this has been delayed a bit due to circumstances outside of our control but I am aware over the last 2.5 months this has taken up much of our energy (getting house ready and on the market, viewings, and packing up). So, I know that she has not had as much attention as We would like to give her but the house move is necessary.
Over the last few weeks her behaviour has really declined- constantly having to sit out at nursery; uncontrollable meltdowns about ridiculous things (tonight's: she refused to get out of the car at home- we live on a narrow terraced street which is a bit of a rat run) so I picked her up and carried her to the door. Cue 25 mins of howling that she wanted to walk herself. Variations of this are becoming more and more common.
We are spending the next 2 weeks at my mums and dh's parents with the kids as we do not want to unbox everything given we are now due to move 1st week of Jan. Our plan of action is: nice long walk everyday whatever the weather. Ban on screen time. Her getting as much attention as possible (DS quite affable so can just bung him in the sling/ pushchair for all this), and generally try to turn things around. Does anybody have any other suggestions/ thoughts? Between this, the house move and DS deciding not to sleep ever, DH and I are on our knees. Thanks if you have read this far...

Why is screen time banned?

Is she tired? It sounds like she might be over tired. Quiet screen time may be helpful

Because we have noticed her behaviour tends to deteriorate when she watches tv. This won't be a permanent ban, but she gets really worked up watching it, we want her to be less obsessed with it.

Hmm. Perhaps we limit it to half an hour in the evening. She does seem a bit tired, but she goes to bed at 7 with a couple of stories and generally sleeps til 7. she does have night terrors on occasion, and often talks in her sleep, and very occasionally sleepwalks.

Erm yes why ban screentime and tbh giving oodles of attention is likely to drive monstrous behaviour too imho. They need positive attention and fun things but they also need to play independently and understand they aren't the centre of the universe.

My advice? Wait. Wait. Repeat the rules. Be happy and positive and don't respond to terrorism. You did right carrying her from the car rather than negotiating.

I'm on headstrong stroppy DD3 and have learnt that the period between 18m and 3/4 (child depending) is for consistently setting boundaries and tearing your hair out at tantrums.

It's like they don't listen, they don't learn, they WANT to be in trouble then all of a sudden those boundaries atart to click. And besides the odd blip the fog clears as they age snd it works.

Good luck, you'll make it through.

Ok. Screen time we will limit rather than ban. Is lots of positive attention really not the way to go? Ok, well, we will have a lot of family time and just make sure that we spell out what is expected of her and follow through with any consequences.

I would try doing 20 minutes a day special mummy-daughter time (or daddy-daughter, or both if you have time). During this time she chooses what you do (clearly within reason) and you follow her lead. This is a deceptively simple idea but it does seem to work.

Hmm I don't think you can do anything to change her behaviour really as unfortunately it's a normal stage that children of this age go through. I did try to alter things with DS1, but he grew out of it. DS2 didn't tantrum so much as had crying jags that went on for hours and hours no matter what he was offered, he grew out of it. DS3 is a total lunatic and between the ages of 2.5-3.5 was quite frankly possessed but has just turned 4 and is shaping up to be a thoroughly decent human being after all. Hang in there OP.