Have I reared a monster ?

[Portia]

My daughter is two and a half and has recently started exhibiting some quite challenging and sometimes disturbing behaivour. She seems to want to do the opposite of everything I ask.

Recently, shes become really rough with the smaller children in our parent and toddler group, even when I remind her to be gentle and sit nearby, joining her in some of the activities we normally share- reading , puzzles etc. She head-but one smaller child last week who was playing with a toy she wanted to use. I dont smack so ended up making her apologise and taking her home.

There is a new baby brother in the house who is nine weeks old so I'm wondering if this has a lot to do with her sudden aggression, or is it just a terrible two thing?

She used to be quite gentle and happy go lucky, and although I dont expect perfection, I'm wondering if I'll ever see that side of her nature again !

I've tried to give her some quality time on our own, but I'm tired and near the end of my tether.

Has anyone else experienced this ?

Any tips would be welcome.

I haven't really experienced this but mine were clost together and i had my second when my first was 15 months. But what you described could be the terrible twos and a little because you've had another baby. I am sure she'll calm down in time she probably needs abit of time. YOur doing well and try not to let it get you down.

Sorry couldn't been more of a help.

Probably another baby. My son had a terrible time when his brother was born (he was a bit older about 2 and 3/4). Awful awful awful. His behaviour regressed alarmingly (he's autistic which doesn't help). The really bad patch lasted about 4 months. For us homeopathy worked a near miracle (and I only tried it - forst time ever- as I was desperate- I didn't believe in it- then overnight was hooked- now training to be one!)

I think all you can do is kep trying to be reassuring. I found it incredibly difficult when ds1 was up screaming at 11.30pm for the 5th night in the row and I was dead on my feet. It WILL get better though- do all the usual stuff- lots of attention when she's being good, try and ignore her when she's being naughty. Not easy- and much sympathy- but it will improve

I think its the terrible two's Portia, rather than having a new baby brother - though that might be an influence
I think you are doing the right thing though, smacking her for physically hurting another child will send her mixed messages to say the least
Stick with it, grit your teeth and remember the quality time for you too
Hugs

Hi Portia. Like Soulfly says it sounds to me like a bit of both: her age and the new baby. I have 3 children, now 5, 3 and 1 (two boys and dd in the middle), with both ds1 and dd I was in a similar situation as you, with a new baby and a 2 year old. Both times the elder child was fairly dire quite a lot of the time. There was nothing aimed directly at the baby, but more aimed at me because the attention I could give that child was necessarily diminished. Also, part of being two is about testing boundaries: it sounds as though your dd is pushing you to see how far she can go. I'm afraid the only thing I can advise is what you already seem to be doing, which is to ride it out, as calmly as you can, though I know that's hard. Try and ensure that there is one-to-one time between her and you, be firm about what standards of behaviour you expect and be consistent in both rewards and punishments.

I have to admit, my dd was pretty appalling at times, but now that she's 3.4 she has really improved. We have occasional tantrums, but they are much fewer and further between and she snaps out of them really quickly. I wouldn't say she the sweetness-and-light child that she was at around 18 mos, but she is a delight to be with and a definite character, and probably a more rounded personality!

Good luck!

Thanks for your messages, they've been really helpful. I'll continue to ride the storm and move out if shes still doing this at 16 !!

ds1 was 15 months when ds2 arrived. Ds2 is now 9 months old. ds1 behaviour worsenned with the arrival of his little brother and it is still pretty bad now at times. I think 2s and new sibling are both a contributing factor. You have definitely not reared a monster, just a wee lass finding it hard to adjust. I am sure things will get better, but for the meantime, if it's any help, I am truly in the same boat as you!

Well I'm glad I'm in good company ! Hope things get easier for you soon !