Anyone else with a jekyll and Hyde 4yo?!

[Misty9]

Ds turned 4 in September and lately his behaviour/mood swings have gotten a lot worse. He can be polite, kind to his sister and playing nicely one minute, then be having a screaming meltdown the next. Often seems to be prompted by getting frustrated with something he can't do, but sometimes seemingly for no reason.

Anyone else? How do you handle it?

Meant to say, he manages to hold it in when at nursery or with grandparents, but eg had a meltdown the minute dh came home this morning when he'd been fine with grandad.

Anyone? I just did a search and found my own post without realising it was mine! Things are awful at the moment as ds is in his post-illness completely unreasonable phase (just a cough). Today we had a family do and he spent much of it rolling around on the floor crying... The car journey was one long tantrum and when we ask him why, he just says "I don't know".

We're at the ends of our tethers with this and just don't know how to respond to ds when he's like this. I unfortunately usually lose my rag.... :(

My daughter's had phases like this. She was a very sensitive, tantrum-prone toddler and random things can still set her off (she's nearly 5).
When she's in one of her 'negative' phases all that works is lots of cuddles, carrying her without her asking, tickling etc. Basically babying her a bit. She also likes to know what's happening, so if we're going away anywhere etc then I make sure she knows about it well in advance, and we talk about what we'll be doing in detail.
I know it's easy to feel the rage when they're being completely unreasonable - but I always feel better when I manage to stay calm, or walk away to cool off for a bit. Do you get any time to yourself? Do you have any friends you could meet in the evening and moan to in real life?

How is he at school? Do they have any concerns? I would speak to your gp or health visitor about this if it's so disruptive to family life

I've had recommended to me (and still not had a chance to read properly) The Explosive Child - I would guess that there is either a build up of stressors that is causing him to explode (holding it in makes me think he's saving it for where he feels safe) or there are perhaps other things at play. Just because of my own similar sounding 4 year old my first thought was sensory issues but I could be way off

Thanks all. I've started reading about explosive children and a lot of it fits. We've had support from health visitor, parent infant mental health, and the GP laughed me out of the room when I asked about a referral for ds as no problems seen at nursery. Most of the support has been for me and not a lot of observing ds to be honest.

I have wondered about sensory issues nicecupoftea what is your 4yo like?

He's recently started getting really upset about going to nursery and we can't see any reason for it - could be he's finding it harder to mask? We don't know what to do about any of it!

Forgot to say, he was the most biddable child ever until he turned three when all hell let loose! He seems more like a toddler sometimes, maybe he missed a stage he needs to go through??

Lots of other issues OP but the (suspected) sensory stuff means he makes loud noises when there's noises bothering him, he is startled by certain noises (hand dryers in public toilets for example have lead to a phobia of them) he claps his hands sharply together, paces around in circles or back and forth, throws himself off furniture etc. But there are many different ways sensory issues can present. A good resource is www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/ - they have checklists which may help you establish if it's relevant or not. If so there's a support thread on the MN special needs board

FWIW DS is completely 'fine' at school - which only means not struggling academically and not kicking up a stink! He's told me he feels sick and anxious all the time while there and at home his behaviour is very different...it doesn't mean he's not struggling whilst he's there it just means he doesn't feel safe letting it out until he's back home

He does hate loud noises, especially hand dryers! Unfortunately dd is going the same way it seems. He also hates scratchy labels and certain textures. That is reassuring that your ds is 'fine' at school (I mean it makes me feel less like its something I'm doing) - how did you get people to believe you listen in that case? The gp said it'd be very difficult to push for referral without problems at nursery too.

We've decided to go for a private assessment as we are at the end of our tethers with how to respond to him. He cried on and off all night last night, but couldn't say why (except that his foot hurt, but it was fine in the morning) and he's just flipping from one extreme to another. Ds actually said he didn't feel ok to let out his frustrations at nursery on the way back today. I'll check out that website too, thanks.

Sorry misty I've only just seen your latest post.

Unfortunately we haven't got anybody to believe us! They still say he's 'fine' despite the fact he has a meltdown the second he walks through the door every day after school. Nursery were sympathetic but they didn't see it either.

He is being assessed privately next week. We had a multidisciplinary assessment last year and I was all but called a paranoid mother hen, I did roll over and try and forget it all for a while blaming myself but it's really not an imaginary problem and since he's started school life has got much harder for all of us.

As I've seen on here a lot parents instincts are usually right. I guess we will find out soon!

Did the SPD website cause any bells to ring?