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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10 yo ds wants a dress

21 replies

mummymafia · 20/10/2015 22:05

Ok. My almost 11 yo ds1 has just shown me a barbie dressing up dress in a toy catalogue that he said he would like for Christmas. He was quite upset about it & said he felt weird saying it aloud but had been thinking about it for ages. He says he wants to go on a special shopping trip with me to get it. He says he wants to wear it when he's on his own & doesn't want anyone else to know. (I'm not counting this as telling anyone btw!). I am fine with whatever he wants to do & told him so & that I was pleased he felt he could tell me. Tried not to make anything big of it. He used to like dressing up in princess dresses when he was younger & used to go to bed in them. He says he likes looking at catalogues & lunch boxes with characters with dresses on, he says the thought of wearing a dress makes him feel himself. Anyway, he may become a cross dresser or gay (not suggesting all gays wear barbie dresses) or or maybe is just starting to explore his sexuality- he is obsessed with his penis at the moment- I just want to be able to support him as best I can without making a big deal of it but not brushing it under the carpet. We usually try to turn difficult situations into funny ones in this house but this isn't one of those cases. He clearly feels very wobbly about it. Any help here please? He's ds1 of 2 so I'm winging it too! Dh & I have no siblings. Thank you.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NotSoDesperateHousewife · 20/10/2015 22:11

men who cross dress aren't automatically gay.

Just buy the dress and research transgender children so you can support him through whatever this may be.

Original poster

mummymafia · 20/10/2015 22:18

Not for a second suggesting all gays do cross dress. Just saying I don't mind if he is one or the other or both or neither. Just want to support him feeling comfortable in his own skin.

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ffffffedup · 20/10/2015 22:19

I'd buy the dress if that's what he wants it's no different from a girl wanting a batman costume just go with it and make sure he knows it's ok and he can say whatever he wants to you. I think it probably took a lot of courage for him to ask you for it. I think if you don't get it he might think you feel he's wrong /different and might not open up to you about things in the future.

Original poster

mummymafia · 20/10/2015 22:25

I said exactly that - I showed him batman costumes & said he wouldn't think his girlfriends were odd if they wore them. I will get the dress, fully up for going with the flow. I said I'd have a look in the charity shops first as Christmas is quite a way off & we can't go to this specific shop for a few weeks. I told him I was proud that he could tell me how he felt & he said he felt much better for telling me.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 20/10/2015 22:26

Maybe he just likes dresses, and it has nothing to do with his sexuality.

Buy him the dress. I hope they do it in his size. Most 10yo girls I know are no longer interested in princess dresses. Well, not publicly, maybe they wear them without telling anyone else.

Get him the dress. Don't make a big deal out of it.

Has he read The Boy in the Dress

Original poster

mummymafia · 20/10/2015 22:38

Oh thanks good idea re book. We saw the TV film last year but haven't read it. I'll look out for it. Dress shopping here we come...

OP posts:

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 20/10/2015 22:50

I hope they do it in his size. Most 10yo girls I know are no longer interested in princess dresses. Well, not publicly, maybe they wear them without telling anyone else.

This was my thought also, the year 6 girls I know wouldn't dress up in Barbie or Disney princess type dresses (or as Batman), they would consider them for little kids.

PrincessHairyMclary · 20/10/2015 22:59

Why not buy a selection of 'props' and outfits which you could even pick up at charity shops and put together a drama box including the dress. Make the items slightly more grown up then a small child's dressing up box, a real stethoscope, trilby, Sherlock hat, builders belt, feather boa, white Dr/scientist coat, pair of clip on earrings, necklaces, a selection of facepaints and brushes etc therefore not making a big statement with the dress as it is a collection of other creative items and he may feel more comfortable.

Original poster

mummymafia · 20/10/2015 23:05

Good plan. We do have a big dressing up box with all sorts in it including some stuff I have worn to fancy dress parties. He has one particular girlfriend who he spends ages dressing up with whenever they see each other. I'll give it a bit of an audit & get some other bits & bobs. Having had a look on line I think we might struggle to get a kids dress big enough & adult ones will be massive.

OP posts:

gleegeek · 20/10/2015 23:18

Bless him, he must feel very safe with you to know he could tell you what he is feeling Definitely buy him a dress if he wants one
I don't know if it's any good or something he might like but my dd is currently selling this dress (she wore it age 11 as princess Fiona from Shrek) for £15. I'd be very happy to send it to you if it was an good (can't give it as dd is reluctantly having a clear out and has been promised the proceeds of anything she sells...)

Original poster

mummymafia · 21/10/2015 07:22

Thanks gleegeek. I'll show him & see what he thinks. The one he showed me was a very pink barbie number but I've checked & it'll never fit him. I would always get him a dress, just don't want the way I deal with it with him to be one of those 'they fuck you up, your mum & dad' moments for him. If it's just a phase, fine, if it isn't, then fine too, we'll deal with it together.

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MairzyDoats · 21/10/2015 07:26

What a lovely mum you are.

IamSantaClaus · 21/10/2015 07:50

Op if you can't find anything to fit him you could make one yourself ?

www.thehairbowcompany.com/fairy-tutu-dress-tutorial.html

I made this for dd for Christmas and there is no sewing involved . You can just cut the tulle to whatever length you fancy . I am useless at sewing crafts , this was so easy . Good luck , hope you find something for him .

imsorryiasked · 21/10/2015 07:57

You could perhaps get a "normal" (rather than dressing up) tulle skirt as there are plenty of those in the shops. And a sparkly top to go with it?
I have definitely seen Disney princess dresses in age 11-12 so you should be able to get something in his size even if it's not actual Barbie.

CocktailQueen · 21/10/2015 08:06

You sound lovely.

I don't think it's as simple as 'Just buy the dress and research transgender children so you can support him through whatever this may be', Housewife.

It's not a stage you necessarily expect from a 10yo boy, and I think it would knock a lot of parents, esp. dads, for six. (Except on MN, of course.)

I'm glad he was able to talk to you about it, OP, and I like the idea of a creative/dressing up box with dresses and accessories and all sorts in it.

Original poster

mummymafia · 22/10/2015 13:03

Thank you gleegeek, I showed him the green dress but it is definitely pink he wants! It is does feel a bit odd talking to him about what sort of dress he wants but I'm making out its the most normal thing in the world to me. Anyway, this is all about him not me. He said to me last night that he just wants to know it is there if he wants to put it on and he doesn't know why he wants one, he's just drawn to it. Thanks everyone for their kind words; the Disney store look like they will have one that will fit. Otherwise I'll try to make him one. Might make myself one to match! They are beautiful!! I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone, not even his dad (which has been hard) so I'm so glad I was able to share it here without really breaking my promise to him.

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Fannyupcrutch · 22/10/2015 13:13

TK maxx do the most beautiful medieval style princess dresses, I buy all mine from there for my daughter and they go up to 11 I think. The other option, depending on his size as he gets older, is to buy adult dress in a size 8 and just belt it up and shorten it.

I really don't blame him, I wish to god that they did the princess dresses in my size. And be sure to reiterate to him how proud you are that he is brave enough to just be himself around you. My son is neuro different and has always been at odds with his peers. He has a collection of gasmasks, hats, fancy dress and was heavily into my little pony. He now has long hair and is a completely unique young man. 5 years ago his peers jeered at him, but he stuck to his guns and now he is fully accepted, foibles and all. They seem to envy him his freedom to wear what he chooses and be himself. Acceptance without boundaries is the biggest gift you can give another person. You sound like a great mum

Qwertybynature · 22/10/2015 15:51

Mummymafia just wanted to let you know Sainsburys has princess dresses in that go up to age 12 and they were only £10. They had a fabulous pink one with a tiara!

You sound like a great mum and your son obviously thinks so to confide in you. If I was in your shoes, I'd let him dress up for now and then cross each bridge as you get to it. Good luck

gleegeek · 22/10/2015 16:52

No problem good luck with the pink dress shopping!

JustAnotherYellowBelly · 23/10/2015 11:11

If you can't find anything suitable, it may be worth looking at cosplay dresses? Some of them are gorgeous, pink, sparkly...

WombOfOnesOwn · 26/10/2015 16:45

I think this would concern me more because of his age than because of the dress aspect. Most 10 year old girls would not be into their princess phase any more, and if they were, I'd hope good parents would be starting to ask some questions / starting to talk about how there are things in life more important than being fawned over/looked at.

I have a truly awful question that I think you probably should investigate the answer to prior to making this purchase:

You say your son is recently obsessed with his penis. Has he discovered pornography? I have seen kids as young as 8-10 who get VERY hooked on internet porn, and a known and relatively common reaction when males watch pornography is to want to put themselves into the "woman's place."

I know it's uncomfortable to think about this as a potential reason, and there are MANY reasons other than this that his preference could be occurring, but that's the reason I'd want to rule out before making the purchase if I were you.

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