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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

15 weeks old and clingy - help!

23 replies

MumToAPiglet · 03/12/2006 18:53

My DD1 is 15 weeks old and only likes to be held by me and her dad. If we hand her to friends or her grandparents she starts crying straight away. I was told to start leaving her at this age as she should be fine and needs to get used to other people - but she is not fine. I left her in the creche at my gym the other day and they had to come and get me after 10 minutes because she was screaming. When she is with me she is very happy, smiley and confident. She also loves smiling at others while on me, but hates going to them. Today I even noticed she was beginning to cry when I handed her to her Dad. Is this normal for a baby so young and what can I do to encourage her to be more sociable?

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babyblue2 · 03/12/2006 19:03

I'm sorry but perhaps you're expecting too much of her, she's only 15 weeks. There is clinginess at some point at all ages. My eldest 3.8 won't go to anyone elses house unless i'm there and my 20 month old won't be held or comforted by anyone else but me.

Original poster

MumToAPiglet · 03/12/2006 19:13

Maybe I am expecting too much BabyBlue. Its my MiL who got me worried as she said she had never seen a baby so young act so "over attached" to its Mum. Therefore I had begun to think she was abnormal. I admit I would be happy if others could occassionally hold her as DH works long hours and isn't around while she is awake in the week. It is hard if I need to do something and she wants me with her all the time.

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babyblue2 · 03/12/2006 19:23

I know exactly how you feel, my DH has his own business and works long hours, I have no friends where we now live and my parents were about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, therefore everywhere I go I have an entourage that follows. Its not easy but after nearly 4 years I feel totally independent and never think of asking anyone for help. Its not for everyone though, its circumstance that brought my situation about. I'm sure it'll get easier, ignore your MIL. You really need to think about getting your baby comfortable in different surroundings whilst still being with you before you move on to the next stage. I could be wrong, but can only speak from my experience. I've never had the opportunity to rely on anyone else.

maewestyemerrygentlemen · 03/12/2006 19:25

over-attached? You're her mum, sounds like she's got her head screwed on right and knows exactly what she needs . My DS is just coming up for 18 weeks and is so much more aware of the world around him now and not keen to be handed around to all and sundry. I agree that it is frustrating sometimes not to be able to get on with things, but I deal with it by going out during the day so he can sit on my lap whilst I get some adult conversation (and sometimes cake)

brimfull · 03/12/2006 19:36

my dd was like this ,very wary of strangers at a very young age.I thought she was just particularly advanced for her age{blush] as it's a common phase in babies of a certain age(can't remember what age though)

I wouldn't worry about it,but agree it is a pain

rantinghousewife · 03/12/2006 19:37

My dd was like this, my mum reacted exactly like your mil. She's a lot better since going to pre school, but has always been funny with people she doesn't know and when she dislikes someone boy do they know about it, got a look on her that could freeze water from 20 paces. Even as a baby whenever someone stopped us to coo(which was often due to shock of black hair and saucer like blue eyes) she would shoot them this look. I think it's a personality trait (certainly is with my dd). I just did the best I could to make her feel secure, when she went to pre school told her one of us would always pick her up, after which she was fine. Try not to fret about it too much, she may pick up your anxiety, I know it's not much help to say that but I used to get so wound up, I think I ended up making her much worse. It's much easier when they can understand you because you can discuss it with them but I can understand that's no help now. Is there anyone she will go to? With regards to your mil, the best advice I had was from my (thankfully pragmatic) hv, she's an adult, you're dd is a baby, tell her to act like it.

Rantum · 03/12/2006 19:45

I personally think that it is totally normal for such a young baby to be "clingy". I think that you will probably help your child become a confident happy child more easily if she knows at this point that you are there for her as much as possible. In my experience MIL's (and some other well-intentioned but rarely up-to-date parents of adults) frequently hold outdated and somewhat dubious opinions about all matter of childrearing ideas. You know YOUR child best - trust your instints. If you think there is really something wrong, see your midwife or hv, but if you are concerned simply by what others are suggesting to you, ignore them and do what you think is in your child's best interests. If you respond now you may find that as your baby grows older, she needs confirmation of your presence less and less... Sorry to rant on.

Rantum · 03/12/2006 19:46

Instincts not instints

Original poster

MumToAPiglet · 03/12/2006 19:52

Ggirl - lol about thinking your DD was very advanced. This is exaclty what DH says. He read that babies get clingy about 7 months and so he is proud that his DD is acting so beyond her years...

Rantinghousewife - I think you are right about needing to relax before she picks up that I am anxious about it. Today we were with friends who wanted to hold her and I started apologising before I had even handed her over - so she may have realised I was tense and so were they. Oops.

I think my MiL is just hurt that her grand daughter does not seem to like her. However DD does like her when she plays with her while DD sits on me or even while DD lies on her mat or in her pram. Why does everyone get obsessed with holding your baby rather than just playing with it?

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rantinghousewife · 03/12/2006 20:03

Mumtoapiglet, I totally understand, it's totally normal to panic when your lo cries. Esp when you know they really want YOU to hold them, I think it's programmed into us for biological reasons, used to feel the same way myself, probably would have been easier if I hadn't tho (blush). My dd really dislikes my bil and he goes on about it something alarming, which just makes her worse and she's 4. She used to be like it with my mum until I explained to mum if she just tried not to get upset about it, it might help. It did and now she loves my mum, now just got to convince bil not to make a fuss and I might have that one cracked too!!

HunkerTheInternetPhenomenon · 03/12/2006 20:04

DS2 was like this - he was very unhappy being handed to anyone at this age.

Now he'll go to anyone and is an incredibly confident, flirtatious little chap at 10.5m. Didn't have any of the usual separation anxiety at 7-8m either.

Don't force her to go to other people. She's still weeny.

rantinghousewife · 03/12/2006 20:09

It occurs to me that this child rearing business might be a hell of a lot easier, if we didn't have to worry about the hang ups of relatives, along with the welfare of our LOs.

Original poster

MumToAPiglet · 03/12/2006 21:00

It would certainly be easier if I did not keep worrying about impressing my MiL... actually why do I worry about impressing her????

Rantum - I think you are right. If I can make DD feel secure now she might be better later. Its no hardship most of the time as I love cuddling her.

Hunker - your story gives me hope. I do think DD is actually quite sociable as she loves watching people and smiling at them from my lap and she already has a very coy turn of her head that is really rather flirtatious.

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eggnog · 03/12/2006 21:11

Mine was the same as hunkers. clingy and shy seeming at 4 monthsish, would hide his face from me in the mirror and try to burrow away from anyone who approached. i couldnt have easily left him anywhere back then, is now very flirty with everyone at 9 months. enjoy the cling, it wont be forever.

Jam77 · 03/12/2006 21:20

Mumtoapiglet - I make you so right about everyone being obsessed about holding baby...even when they are crying already - it's like they think their the fricking baby whisperer or something, and then when DD doesn't stop crying instantly, they look at you with pity as if you he the worst baby in the world - at least you are lucky that your LO stops when you take her back - if my DD is upset enough by it all even I can't calm her which If i'm really honest hurts sometimes.....maybe she doesn't love me enough!!!

ellesbells · 03/12/2006 21:35

thank goodness! i thought i was the one with the clingyist baby in the world! she is 8 months and has been like it since she was about 10 weeks.

Original poster

MumToAPiglet · 03/12/2006 21:37

Jam - don't believe that I can always calm DD. If she gets into one of her states I cannot calm her without getting my baps out. We met an ancient and very traditional vicar recently to discuss DD's christening. He held her and she went crazy. I couldn't calm her and she was screaming so loud we could not hear him speak so I ended up getting my breasts out in the vicarage and the poor guy conducted the rest of the interview staring at the ceiling

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Jam77 · 03/12/2006 21:48

pmsl!!!! just laughed out loud there saw my priest today (am catholic and DD is getting baptised next Sunday) and I could not imagine BF infront of him, top girl you!!!!!
Everyone told me that crying would peak at 6-8 weeks - I think DD is crying more now seems to be getting more of a personality and deciding that actually she doesn't really like going anywhere/seeing anyone or being looked at when she is feeling "emotional" lol

TwinkleInSantasEye · 04/12/2006 23:15

My DS started on this phase about 3 weeks ago. Some poor woman made the mistake of cooing over him in the local shop. Well the bottom lip went and then all hell broke loose - it was so embarassing. He'd just about calmed down when the shop owner looked at him and smiled and it all started again! He did the same to a female estate agent that came round recently. But with other people he's fine and even cracks a smile, though he's much more reserved than he used to be with all strangers.

krimbokrackerskayzed · 04/12/2006 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwinkleInSantasEye · 05/12/2006 10:12

Sorry, meant to say DS is 18 weeks now.

Original poster

MumToAPiglet · 05/12/2006 10:46

Thanks Ellesbells, Twinkle and Krimbo - it is good to know that there is nothing unusual in DD's behaviour. I know what you mean about it being embarrassing Twinkle - people want to hold her to admire her and I want her to show how cute her huge grins are - but 9 times out of 10 she just screams. Strangely today my cleaner picked her up while I was out of the room and she loved it. Maybe she was making up for getting me up FOUR times in the night

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stumpydogsbaubles · 05/12/2006 11:09

all my los were like this.my 2 yr old dd has been the most clingy. when she really doesn't like someone she shuts her eyes, puts her hands over her ears and hums she does love going to my mil's house now but will usually not speak to anyone there for a couple of hours and then talks non stop, bossing them all about. my 3 mnth old ds is clingy too, but happy to be held by brothers/sisters, and grandparents as long as he's just been fed and not for more than a few minutes

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