If you say 'Stop doing that' or 'get down' to your child do they do as they are told?

[northerner]

Because my ds does not and it's bloody infuriating.

What's the secret?

Only DD2 wouldn't listen! She is my little terror at the moment!
All the others have been pretty good.I don't know the secret though!

god knows.
actually people talk about positive parenting, i find it very hard to do though, espeiclaly when they are annoying me

Dd mostly does (she's 6.10). DS's standard answer to anything these days is 'no' (or sometimes 'NO!!'). He's 2.11. It's very, very frustrating.

Yes they do.
From a young age mine were told, then removed or stopped or had whatever it was that they had that they should have, removed.
And eventually....they realised they may as well just get down/get off/put it back, because it was going to happen ANYWAY.
My friends kids dont listen to her, because...they will grab a packet of crisps, and she will say Put them back, I didnt say you could have them, so they will open them, and she will say Oh well they are open now, you may as well eat them.
The incentive to put them back isnt there at all!

Mostly yes.

The secret is to start young!! Seriously, I've found it's the tone of voice which works - volume is reserved for real potential danger, or the odd occasion when I've had to say it several times in a row.

Agree, it is infuriating at times. How old is your ds?

They do once I've shouted it so loud that the whole street can hear me!!

A very effective trick is to go right up to them and say it right in their ear. That does work here but it puts the fear of god into them!!

dd1 (6) does
dd2 (19 months) sometimes does but only to start immeadiately doing it or getting up on it again

northerner - someone once said to me that if you ask twice and it doesn;t happen it ain't going to happen - unless you change something. ie unless you introduce a consequence. and, of course, once you have said a consequence it absolutely must happen. it needs to be clear, and fair and they need to understand exactly what they have to do - and how quickly. The downside of this is that the resulting sequence starts to wear a bit thin. requests in the hat house go like this: "can you put your shoes on please"; dds continue to do whatever it was they were doing. "can you put your shoes on please"; they carry on oblivious and apparently deaf. "anyone who hasn't got their shoes on by the time I count to ten..." they jump up the second I utter the words "anyone who..." and have usually got their shoes on before I finish the sentence, let alone count to 10. so yes, I can get them to do what I wish, (and it's a great trick if I'm out in public cos it works like magic) but it would be really really nice if, once in a while, they just did it the first time. The other tip I was given which is actually not so different - is that you need to make them want to do what it is you want them to do.

dd says no to almost anything since a baby. When little, I did distraction, childproofing. Now she is 3.2, getting dressed, eating, bathing and bedtimes can still be a struggle but she is a lot more obliging. And we can also use humour more. I never really used consequences or timeout etc.

I think she will grow out of it eventually - the no for no sake - but she will always be headstrong.

Stop doing what? How does your child know which thing to stop doing?

Get down - lots of children don't really get the concept of up and down, enough to do it on demand. Add in rebellion, and it's unlikely to happen at all.

Also if what they are doing is taking all their concentration, they are unlikely to hear you.

The secret is not to get infuriated, they love that. Say their name to get their attention. Say what you want to see, in as few a words as possible.

I wish! Often telling him doesn't work if I'm not right by him. Have to go up to him to get him to take me seriously. Which makes sense somehow with a 3yo. Would be a lot easier if he would just do what he's told even if I am ten feet away though.

Usually yes. Certainly if I SHOUT LOUD ENOUGH!! LOL

No. He looks at me, laughs and then does whatever he was going to do anyway.

I always remove him/ stop him from doing it (usually involves climbing or sticking fingers in the sockets ) in the hope that one day he'll realise it is just easier to do what he's asked to do.

He's only 14 months though so maybe I have unrealistic high hopes!

The secret is to tell them what to do, not what not to do ie "Walk" not "Don't run". They hear the verb. That's according to the Positive Parenting course I attended and whose advice I don't follow as much as I should.

When will they introduce kids that do as they are told?
My 3yr old will if you say it loud enough, the 16month old ... well no chance really. I just have to physically stop him.

Absolutely. I do expect them to do what they are told when they are told to. It would be a nightmare for all of us if they did what they wanted to.

one yes
other no

BOYS ARE WORSE

yes they generally do, if they don't they certainly don't get away with it! I agree with tinker, don't tell them what not to do, tell them what they should be doing or distract them from whatever it is they're doing that's wrong

used to. but since turning 3, she'll look at me, laugh and then do it delibnerately!!
i try positive parentling, and she knows what it means if i start to count to 5. her previous key worker at nursery spent the day with her recently,a dn said 'she's still lovely, but she's really changed. i feel like i've said no all day. i even had to make her sit on her won!' but she is beginning to grow out of it!
sooner or later, one of you will be more determined, and in this house it's ME.

steve biddulph talks about the mona lisa smile, if they play up, and look at them when they rile you, they're giving this smile!

WethreebobKings - I meant the title as an example for things like 'Get down off the table', 'stop bothering the cat', 'stop kicking the door'.

I'm liking the sound of this positive parenting malarkey. Will look into it.

yes most of the time. He is 20 months and I try to not shout at him. usually a stern voice is enough- failing that counting to 3 slowly in a very stern voice whilst eye balling him usually gets him running over to me and giving me a big cuddle while I give him lots of praise. If all else fails we have the 'naughty cushion' which I thought he would be too young for but he understand perfectly and have only ever had to use it twice- once when he hit me. One warning is usually sufficient.

'Stop doing that' or 'get down'

'Stop doing that'
Tell them what it is they shouldn't be doing...they could be doing so many things at one time, it can confuse them.

'get down'
Why are they up there in the first place?
Did you first say "don't get up there"?

My kids hate being shouted at and generally do as I ask, before I have to shout.

Is this so hard to understand???? I don't say stop doing that, I was using it as an example.

In get down I use this when he stands on the dining table, or sits on a kitchen worktop or the back of a sofa/window sill.