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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If you say 'Stop doing that' or 'get down' to your child do they do as they are told?

72 replies

northerner · 03/12/2006 16:59

Because my ds does not and it's bloody infuriating.

What's the secret?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pitchounette · 04/12/2006 17:18

Message withdrawn

joelallie · 04/12/2006 18:09

We're in the middle of redecorating. It's chaos...

wethreekingsofORINOCOare · 04/12/2006 18:55

dd1 - yes
dd2 - not a chance

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 04/12/2006 18:59

hatwoman
Quote 'I take it your kids never have their feet more than 2 or 3 feet off the ground? poor things' Was there any need for that comment ? How do you know my children have feet !

I joined the tread and hopefully my first response (3 December, 2006 9:06:51 PM) was not in any way judgmental on parenting skills or about house hold antics!

However, the mention climbing on kitchen worktops/ tables is a big no no in our house and so hence my response. I agree other simple things can be more dangerous. I was trying, obviously not very well, to say 'Don't do it' has natural consequences like if you do that you'll get squashed/hurt/lost/wet etc. Same views as some others on here.

I was trying to say that to set a few ground rules (no pun intended) when young, does help, especially if parents/carer and child have the same expectations. If an adult thinks climbing on certain things is OK then so will the child. Same for swearing, shouting or anything really. So then it is harder to say "enough, I don't want you to do that anymore!" And its harder for the child to change, and to think what was OK yesterday is not OK today!

Personally my kids are great. love'em to bits whatever they do. Same goes for everyone else here I expect. So its hard to help on a topic like this because with encouragement comes different views and ways of doing things.

Kids have no fear it is something they learn through experience.

Has anyone heard of the saying "there are no bad kids, just bad parents". Your views I am sure will be forthcoming. Don' t forget I haven't said if I agree or disagree. Shan't either!

hatwoman · 04/12/2006 20:15

merrily - I don;t want to argue with you. honest! I just felt a bit sorry for northerner as similar things have happened to me, when I ;ve posted about a general principle and got picked up on some detail, which firstly isn;t key to the op, and secondly has got a bit misinterpreted. it's a sometimes annoying shortfall of an internet forum, I guess. on your 9.06 post when I first looked at it it did sound a bit harsh actually, it sounded a bit like you were saying that they should never do anything wrong in the first place (and what manner of kids never do anything wrong). I see now that you were asking genuine questions about consistency. ie genuinely asking if they're sometimes allowed up there - whereas I had assumed that they're not allowed up there but occasionally, while northerner's back is turned, transgress. hence I misinterpreted your qs as harsh. do you see what I mean? I have a feeling I'm explaining myself badly. and sorry for the 3 feet off the ground comment. again - it was in response to northerner being picked up on the danger element of being on the worktops when that wasn;t what she posted about. it was a harsh response and I apologise totally.

GodRestYeMerryNORTHERNERs · 04/12/2006 20:25

Climbing on a work top is a no no im my house too, which is why I say get down

Thanks hatwoman for your support, fwiw I too found fartobuzzis post to be a bit harsh.

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 04/12/2006 21:16

Sorry ...what I said, and how, could get someone's back up, I know.

fortyplus · 04/12/2006 22:22

Mine were never allowed on work surfaces (neither is the cat!) but I did let them climb up the scaffolding when we were having our extension built.
They do lots of things that could kill them in theory, but they seem to be as careful as I would be in most situations - hopefully they've been exposed to risk in a 'safe' way and learned to judge what is safe and what isn't.
I try not to wrap them in cotton wool.

PannpipesforChristmas · 04/12/2006 23:42

Merrily..don't wish to freak you out, but see my entry on this thread at 9.13pm..three mins before yours...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1375&threadid=249034&stamp=061204221529

are we in some way related??

kittyschristmascrackers · 05/12/2006 07:14

I don't think it is up to anyone to say what each individul mother here should or shouldn't be letting their children do. Surely the issue is whether the child concerned does or doesn't do what they are told, whatever that may be.
It is up to each mother here to decide what is acceptable for her and if she doesn't mind acrobatic feats and work surface wanderings then that's fine isn't it?

joelallie · 05/12/2006 08:08

Sorry I know this is not the original subject but I just wanted to say to fortyplus - I totally agree with you. The first 24 hours that the step ladder was in our dining room they were swarming up it like monkeys - fairly soon DS#1 and DD discovered it had limited interest and DS#2 got stuck at the top and was scared which he didn't like. So now the ladder is of no interest and no danger to anyone. They learned by their own experiences. The only things I do worry about in the house are knives (which they only use under close supervision - they can't learn to cook if the don't chop an onion) and matches (each of them take turns to light candles for our Sunday dinner but with help).No cotton wool in this house either.

FWIW I don't allow worktop climbing. Not ideal for somewhere you prepare food for a start.

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 05/12/2006 09:10

PannpipesforChristmas You put it so well I thought why re-write something that's so well written! And it was getting late, I wanted to go to bed and Id lost the plot ! Skiped to you and saw it, Hope you don't mind.
Please feel free, at any time, to do the same if I ever write anything worthwhile (which at this time I doubt). Hope no offense caused.

Tortington · 05/12/2006 09:15

tone of voice and a commanding presence is the key. especially when danger is present.

this is quite different from shouting or screaming.

its a lower tone - think head teacher - strict

PannpipesforChristmas · 05/12/2006 18:25

Merrily!!

phew! thanks. I was just weirdy to read!!

No probs at all! Will come and share in yours whenever.

PannpipesforChristmas · 05/12/2006 18:27

Also - reason given, once and clearly helps too, or it does with my 6 y.o. dd. "Stop doing that, as......" kind of thing. the old cause-and-consequence approach......

deckthehillswithboughsofmummy · 05/12/2006 18:44

I ask nicely twice if I then get ignored please stop/get down etc or insert consequence. I then count to three sternly and if necessary carry out consequence. DD who is nearly 5 understands the concept and just plays up to try and make me shout, and then regrets it if I do. DS is only 14 months but esponds well to No or come to mummy said in a slightly sterner tone than would usualy be used when talking to him then he gets cuddles and praise for being a good boy.

PannpipesforChristmas · 05/12/2006 18:54

yes decks! Never shout or scream, and NEVER fail t ocarry out a consequence after warnings, yes!

sounds sooo easy......

deckthehillswithboughsofmummy · 05/12/2006 19:00

I didn't say that I never shout or scream, I have been known to do both on ocassion. As dd is getting older I do however find that I am shouting less iyswim.

Skyler · 05/12/2006 19:44

Err my dd1 rarely does as she is asked. She is very stubborn and wilful. I do all the positive parenting stuff and we have a naughty step etc, have imposed the rules from the start etc etc. Some children are just less compliant than others despite the parenting. Surely the posts on here regarding siblings differing demonstrate that. Just wanted to add some support Northerner.
I also agree FartooBuzzi's initial posts had me . Rather patronising....but I hope that is probably due to the nature of 'internet chat'.

riab · 05/12/2006 20:18

Not a chance, but then DS (19 mo) can't understand anything I say yet.

frenziednester · 05/12/2006 20:44

DS1 is pretty good, but has always had the counting and consequences approach. DS2 is 17 months and shows signs of being less co-operative already. I do try the positive parenting thing (I'm much better at it at 9 am than 2 pm and onwards.....) One thing I do try, which seems to be effective with both of them is the 'dog training' approach - effusive praise when they do the smallest thing towards what I am trying to get them to do - e.g. 'can you put your shoes on?' pause 'well done for getting up to fetch your shoes - how clever' - before they have actually done it. it may sound patronising, but it works a bit like a sliding scale and eventually the penny drops and I still feel in control. One of my friends is trying it on her husband, and he's started to do the washing up (A small step, I grant you, but using a 'thank you so much - that's such a help' worked where years of 'will you ever pull your weight around the house' failed. The other thing that works with my two are races - who can be the first to - never fails, or - can you do such and such before I count to 10?-

fortyplus · 06/12/2006 09:26

I'm so glad that I am such a perfect parent with perfect children

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