If you say 'Stop doing that' or 'get down' to your child do they do as they are told?

[northerner]

Because my ds does not and it's bloody infuriating.

What's the secret?

Hmm, I started discipline from very young age but my ds now 5yrs is extremely headstrong and difficult to get him to conform to most instructions. Infuriating isnt it, dunno where we went wrong or if indeed we did go wrong, try everything except a bloody good hiding as I used to get!

Counting works with DS1, usually only to 3.
Not getting angry and no shouting helps with DS2, he is quite sensitive and will respond to stress with being more naughty, so I have to keeeep caaaalm . DS3 I can still distract.
But no, most things I have to say at least twice, but there are consequences if they don't respond the third time (or after counting). Staying calm works better than shouting, it is not a volume issue that they are not listening.

yes have been just trying positive parenting to get them to bed! phew, seems to have made a difference, but as i said, very hard if you are annoyed!

ok, yep they do pick up on the verb, so 'come over here' is better than 'get off (fill in blank), BUT some children deliberately want to exert their own authority, so will not respond to that. dd tries it occasionally, but knows that once we start counting she is likely to end up on the step. sometimes counts to 5 & takes herself when she really wants to prove who's boss. then we have a cuddle & she does what i say!
rarely raise my voice, except for those panicky moments of stress.

i have super nanny, so no naughty step in this house.

i meant hate, hate s.n.

northerner
Sorry but if your DS is on a worktop he is in danger and shouldn't be there. I now of a small boy who fell off climbing on a wortop and broke both arms. Let alone all the electric stuff.

It is hard but you have to be consistant. Tell DS every time until him until he gets the messsage. They all push the boundaries. You have to tell them when they have gone too far.

Children should have respect for you and your things. Chairs and dining tables are expensive. Take him to a park to climb on things!

OK, I have found that "Stop hitting the cat" all my DD hears is "Hitting the Cat"
Or "Don't draw on thet table" she hears "draw on the table"

I try really hard to avoid "No" and "Don't" ... it is very difficult to do that and I often fail miserably but I find the best results happen when I say, "Be nice to the Cat" or "Draw on the paper" ...
If you find yourself saying No and Don't alot, ask yourself what you DO want and say that instead.
That, IMO is positive parenting.
I am always having ups and downs with DS and how he should and shouldn't behave etc ... doing this way round really works IME but you have to train yourself and I am making a big effort to work on it ....
Sorry if this has been mentioned as I haven't read the rest of the thread.

fartoobuzzi he is not in danger if he's on a work top! Blimey, he climbs walls and fences much higher!

Am trying this positive malarkey.

Mine does if I repeat myself several times. It's as though he just doesn't hear me. I've caught myself several times saying: are you deaf? Do we need to clean your ears out (OMG I am my mother) and once he even said: yes, and ran off and got some earbuds.

Does my head in. I hate living with threats and bribes but I do rely on the old counting to 3 trick. And usually by 2 he's got a shift on. He is 2.9 by the way. My 14 month old just looks at me, acknowledges that I've said something and then turns and carries on doing whatever he wanted to until i physically remove him from the situation. Which I do a million times a day...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. No.

ds does, he always has and always will do what he is told, he's good and it makes him happy to make me happy. I was a very smug parent for 3 glorious years.
DD doesnt, she never has and never will. She laughs at my sternest "I really mean it" voice and giggles if I shout even when it is for emergency purposes like the time she climbed the nursery fire guard at the fire was lit. She's a free spirit at 19mths

Reason and consequence. With ds, if I just say stop doing that he just asks why, so I need to be able to say 'please stop doing that or else x, y and z will happen'. For example, whilst I was in the shower yesterday morning he was in the bathroom with me and standing on his potty whilst holding onto the edge of the bath. I asked him to stop by telling him that he would slip and fall and bump his head and that we didn't want that to happen, and he stopped doing it. Same with hitting a cat for example. The consequence is that the cat will turn round and scratch them back and it will hurt, and not only that, it's also not nice to hit the cat as it's hurting it.

Mot usually. If I shout or get really stern he does burst into tears and start saying 'cuddle mummy, cuddle mummy' but mostly he ignores me.

I've tried counting - he just giggles and ignores me. He is also the sort of child who doesn't follow you if you walk away in an attempt to make him come with you. I did it as an experiment once and found myself quite a long way with ds running in the opposite direction.

If I physically remove him from the situation and sit with him and give him some attention and sympathy while he screams he usually gets the message and stops doing whatever he was doing - for the moment anyway. Very time consuming though!

Oh he is only 2 though - not sure I can keep this up as he gets older so will be reading this with interest.

yes
I ask them nicely, explain why and praise them when they do it
So dd please don't climb up the xmas tree because I don't want you to hurt yourself.
Good girl, thank you for listening to mummy, let's go and do xxxxx
Either I'm a stunning parent or just relaly lucky
I'm not sure tbh

Try to avoid 'don't do this' 'don't do that' as much as possible - better to be positive.
If I said to you 'Don't think of a black cat' - what's the first thing you think of?

No...if anything, DS (3) will do it all the more to provoke a reaction.

Bless

Can def relate to all these. DS is 5 and definately doesnt process negatives! I like "natural consequences" like "if youkeep mucking about instead of getting your pjs on we wont have time for 3 stories" Oh, and a big fan of "its not safe, I don't want you to get hurt/squished/lost/bashed" esp wrt climbing on stuff and running around. DS himself a bit of an H&S stickler now as well

Message withdrawn

northerner you have done that thing that I have done on many occasions. you failed to use 100 per cent clarity in your post and thread title. You failed to put footnotes and disclaimers. You foolishly thought that people would get the gist of what you meant even if you hadn;t spent 30 minutes composing it, re-writing it, editing it tsk. tsk

yellowvan I agree (safety), and northerner If you think worktops are safe than thats OK - fine, its your life. Have you ever been in a child's A&E ? I hope you never have to.... I have.

I take it your kids never have their feet more than 2 or 3 feet off the ground? poor things. work tops aren;t ideal (hence northerner asks them to get down) but neither are playgrounds, roads, stairs, cars, (far far far more likely to be injured in or by a car than a work top), grapes, windows, baths, sledging, ski-ing, swimming, and high horses.

Sometimes. It depends on how tired they are as to he co-operative they are. I always try to give an explanation and say please and remain calm but sometimes I'm tired too and just expect instant obedience. Needless to say if we're all tired it's a bleedin' disaster .

I also have children who do 'dangerous' things Northerner. Worktops are much less dangerous than wobbly step ladders which is the current object of fascination in our dining room . I have learnt not to fret too much - I have very agile, independent children who have learnt the limits of their abilities.

Excuse me while I pad my children with some more cotton wool!