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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

moaning toddler

19 replies

corinnexx · 26/08/2015 16:38

OMG..my 2 year old does not stop moaning . If he not moaning, he is always crying. My other son was very different . He will cry or moan for everything, if i say NO. he crys..If i say Yes ,he cry's...At the moment im taking his best toy or game away from him or what ever he is playing with at the time until he stops crying this normally works for a while, but its continuous,hard and trying for me.Any help pllleeaasseee . he will moan about 5hrs A DAY FOR NOTHING..OR EVERYTHING

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/08/2015 20:31

Is there anything else going on? Is he getting enough sleep, back teeth coming through, change in childcare?

How does distraction work?

Jo4040 · 26/08/2015 20:46

Brainwash him.

Every evening since my DS was around two I have done the bedtime routine. Then once lied in bed we have had a cuddle and a story. As he is falling asleep I have spoken softly to him saying these things:

'You are such a lovely, good boy'
'Arnt you kind. I love it when you share'
'You have lovely friends, I really like them'
'ooo you are so snuggly and warm now in bed and so safe with mummy and Daddy in this house'
'I'm so excited for tomorrow, I dont know what we are going to do, but whatever it is we will be lucky for doing it'
'Your soo beautiful, you get more beautiful everyday..I can't wait for tomorrow'

Things of this nature. Every night whilst he's drifting of to sleep.

I can honestly say I have a happy, confident, sociable, funny, well behaved, greatful little four year old boy now. I get complimented on him every where we go.

Maybe you could try 'Brainwashing'at bed time too. Takes a while haha,but o honestly believe by me doing this its helped my DS be the little boy he is now.

I'm not sure if Brainwashing is the right words to describe what I have done, but I do know its got to be a part of the reason why my DS behaves the way he does.

Either that or I'm just very lucky to have such a lovely child

Original poster

corinnexx · 26/08/2015 21:43

(JiltedJohnsJulie)
To me he has always been like that.Nothing in his routine has changed . i have noticed when teething or ill, he is less problem xx his sleep routine is a strange one... for a long while now he has not have a nap in early morning or early afternoon my son wakes about 8am, he still does not sleep thou the night, sometimes waking up screaming, and also for milk..if my son is tired for nap, he can easily sleep 2-3 hrs. i do wake him after 1 hr . also i found out if he naps in afternoon he will not sleep good at night he sleeps about 8.30pm,and he will be fussing around till about 10pm (in his coat) im a stay at home mum so he with me most of the time .when husband or my older son comes from school, he seems to be worst,as they love to torment him

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Original poster

corinnexx · 26/08/2015 21:44

(Jo4040) Many thanks for your advise i will give it ago.. anything will help.. when will u think i will start seeing a difference x

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Jo4040 · 26/08/2015 21:53

I don't know, because DS was quite a good toddler, just energetic. It could take a while tbh and it may not even work for you. However if it doesn't work for the constant moaning, then it can't hurt just to boost his self esteem, the way he deals with social skills etc.

When ever my DS does start to winge about stuff I pretend to be really shocked (overly shocked) and start joking with him saying 'I can't believe my ears! Quick! Let me get a pen, write it down so I can get it right next time' He often starts to laugh and we move on from the moaning.

I have also pretended to phone the local radio station to tell them of his concerns which also end up in a big giggle.

babyboomersrock · 26/08/2015 22:04

when husband or my older son comes from school, he seems to be worst,as they love to torment him

What do you mean? Are they teasing him? Trying to upset him? Poor little boy.

RabbitSaysWoof · 26/08/2015 22:09

Jo I'm all over that idea, fuck me I'm going upstairs now to tell ds all about he's great sharing.
corinnexx I have always been so firm about ignoring tantrums, no reward no punishment (attention is probably the biggest reward even the negative attention) I just carry on as normal when its over and that was so effective for us, ds hasn't had a crying tantrum in my house since before he was 18 months.
But he did go through a really whiney stage at 2 where he would just go on and bloody on about the same thing, and I had to consciously remind myself to only answer him once it was so easy to accidently get suckered into discussions about things and reward the whining with my attention eg I remember brushing my teeth and him asking for a toy tool box which was high up at home, I said 'I'll just clean my teeth and then I'll get it' ds whined and whined about wanting it as if I had said 'no' and I ended up repeating myself again and again, but when I realised what I was doing and got a grip on it I would answer him just once and when he didn't like the reply or asked again I would just not respond, if he knows the answer and the reason there really is no reason I need to repeat myself I would blank out protests and he really did drop it fast (within days) every now and again he tested me out again and I would have to do same again I suppose boundary testing is normal tho but it lasts days once I realise whats going on and be conscious of not over responding again.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/08/2015 22:44

I think just answering once is a good idea. I tell ,y DC that I can't hear whinge u voices so they will have to talk properly if they want me to hear.

Think you are going to have to have a word with your DH about the teasing. Bit must be awful for him knowing that he is going to be tormented each afternoon.

As for the nap. It's pretty normal for them to just have one nap, usually after lunch at this age. I would try waking him after an hour and a half instead of just an hour as that would give him 2 whole sleep cycles.

What time does he wake for the day and what sorts of things do you do together in the day?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/08/2015 22:47

Sorry, just seen that he gets up around 8am, so he gets an hours sleep in the day and about 11.5 at night? Is that right?

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 22:50

I can only suggest you ignore moaning and other bad behaviours as much as you can and give attention and use praise to reinforce good behaviours. Like a pp said above. Tell him about all the lovely things he is. even if he isn't always all those lovely things. - brainwashing!

2 year olds want to please their mummy so let him know what pleases you by doing the above. I think he's a bit young to punish with taking things away, unless he's being a danger.

However all children have moans and crying sometimes in their development phases. It's what they do.

Original poster

corinnexx · 27/08/2015 08:20

(JiltedJohnsJulie) 6 out of 7 days he does not nap. if he does i only give him about 1hr,as if i give him longer he will not sleep till very late in the night. yes my son sleeps about 11.5hr a night (8.30pm-9 -- and wakes about 3 times in the night moaning,and wakes about 7.45-8

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Original poster

corinnexx · 27/08/2015 08:25

maybe torment is a strong word . i see it as when they playing with him,they will take what he playing with, to get his attention, or they just want a cuddle and of cause he will moan. At that moment ds doesn't want to kiss or hug you, he just wants to play, so it seems like its more moaning when they all come home

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jessifleur · 27/08/2015 11:25

Just jumped on here to say the same. My sparky, funny, independent 2 1/2 year old has turned into a constantly crying, whinging wet lettuce since our second son has been born - it's so frustrating
I'm going to try the nighttime brainwashing and any other advice would be gratefully received xx

FeelsLikeHome123 · 27/08/2015 12:33

He may need more sleep, 8.30pm is late. It may be tiredness causing the tantrums. I would try having supper at around 6.15pm. Followed by gentle quiet time, getting ready for bed and bedtime routine. Cuddles/story/lights out by 7.30pm(I usually say "lie down, head on your pillow and close your eyes") and plenty of praise for good behaviour. It should be calm and soothing leading up to bedtime rather than your dh/ds winding him up and over stimulating him so ask them to take it down a notch.
I will probably get flamed for saying this but here goes...I have had similar days recently with our dc until I cut out screen time, after about 4 days, a lot of the whingeing and tantrums settled down. It is improving.
I am currently trying a reward chart for staying in bed/not calling out in the night time. Anything is worth a try

jessifleur · 27/08/2015 13:13

FeelsLike, think you might be on to something with screen time. DS1 has watched a lot more telly since DS2 has been born than he used to before. He's back to nursery next week so we'll try and get a handle on it then

Original poster

corinnexx · 27/08/2015 13:51

(FeelsLikeHome123) Thanks for your advise . I also think he may watch to much tv,maybe this does not help. I have tried for many months to put my son a sleep at 7.30...but he will just lay there and play or fiddle around till around 8.30-9, i always think because he does not nap he will fall asleep easy. Nope this is not the case... if im at my sister house or other family i have the best child in the world, he is total different, sleeps well, behaviour is better. IM starting to think my house is possessed...Soon as he enters,,,,,he is off... Do you think i should try and make him nap...but he has never really done naps

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amarmai · 27/08/2015 18:22

love the brainwash with +ve messages as he falls asleep and hopefully dreams about the wonderful day he is going to have when he wakes up ! Genius!

TheOddity · 27/08/2015 19:59

I agree brainwashing with positive messages works to some extent!

But also I have noticed a massive reduction in good behaviour when my DS watches more than 20 mins of tv or plays ipad apps for more than that at a time. Behaviour improves drastically outside too which I'm sure you've noticed, they generally whine so much less when they exploring the park. It is definitely not all about sleep. Playing even with his toys too long if they are challenging will overstimulate him. The number if times I have prized Duplo out of frustrated little hands....

If he can't nap in the morning, could he not nap for longer in the afternoon and you just let him stay up later? I know it's nice to have evenings in peace but maybe right now that sleep pattern isn't working great for him. Most kids do better when they are left to wake up naturally and at least you get a long break in the afternoon that way. If you have to do school run you can transfer him asleep to his pram. I'd always rather have a child in a good mood up at 9pm than an all day tantrum! No harm in trying just a couple of days to see how it changes his behaviour.

FeelsLikeHome123 · 28/08/2015 00:23

Would a gro clock help?
Could it be a specific type of food affecting him/giving an energy rush before bedtime? I haven't had daytime naps for months , I'm in envy of parents who can get their dc to nap. I had read somewhere not to let toddlers sleep after 3pm and found that dc needed at least a 4 hour gap between nap and bedtime otherwise, dc woke several times a night. I would try to cut nap back by 10 minutes at a time and see if it improves.

I have had to say our TV is broken and we'll have to get the repair man in to fix it not anytime soon. I went to the crafts shop and bought poster paints/paper/table cover/apron for entertainment instead. Dc is starting preschool this year too so hopefully it will sort out the routine/sleep pattern. We recently had a new baby so it has created some regression in behaviour, some days are great, other days not so much. By 4pm yesterday, I wanted to go to bed!

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