21Months & Behaviour

[stuckinahole]

DS 21M

Hits, tantrums, WHINGES ALL THE TIME, cries, never plays alone for any period of time.

I know most of this is "normal"

But please oh experienced MN's

How do I tackle discipline at this age, I don't want him being "that child"

It's the constant whinging that really gets me (he's always been a crier from day 1)

He's also extremely impatient (even the childminder has said this)

What do I need to do??? I'm slowly getting quite depressed about being with him which is an awful thing to say but NOTHING seems to make him happy.

He eats / sleeps well.

Are there ANY times when he is 'good'? If so, when, and can you investigate what triggers the 'bad' behaviour?

I always claim children don't REALLY WANT to be naughty, told off, or punished.

Examine all aspects of his life and environment. Has he siblings; a dad; does he meet other children; has he plenty of appropriate toys and activities; do you praise/reward him for 'good' behaviour; does he have a MINIMUM of TV and 'screen' time?

No siblings. I am also a lone (older) parent (nc with Father) DS is close to my parents but even they comment on his behaviour.

He goes to a childminder every morning with other children while I work. We socialise with other families who have DC's same age, my DS is always the one having the meltdown in the corner.

He is "occasionally" good if we go to the park, plays with sand, water etc ... But after a short period he has a meltdown & I always leave as it's so embarrassing.

We are very structured/routine & I rarely move away from that. Is that where I am going wrong?

He purposely poured his milk on the floor earlier (did it twice) so I took it away from him, results in hysteria as he wants to pour it on the floor again & I won't let him.

I have enquired about a toddler workshop (toddler calm) as I'm truly at breaking point & my mood is so low.

I'm literally terrified of taking him anywhere as I live in fear of a hysteria fit.

If he wants something that he can't have and I say no, hot, ouch etc or take it away he goes into a rage. But he surely can't have things that are dangerous, may break that would be irresponsible of me.

Have also seen HV & GP who say nothing medically wrong with him.

Feel awful as I type this but I dread picking him up each day from the CM

What can I do? I will try anything? I know it's close to bedtime but he's literally sat next to me whinging about utterly nothing.

We do watch the bedtime hour on CBeebies & some morning CBeebies whilst we have breakfast.

Sorry for long post & thanks for even reading if you've got this far!!

I have a 2.5 year old boy that is the same so I feel yr pain. I have put a number of similar messages on here asking for help and really the answer is your not alone there are many like it but we don't always see it and I have been told to ride it out as it will pass ...I know that doesn't help really but it helps me to know I'm not alone in this. As he is getting a bit older I now find (sometimes) I can explain to him and he accepts what's happening but its pot luck! We have t keep a tight structure and routine as he works better to that so I would stick to that. Some kids are more or less adaptable than others! I feel the same picking my little one from cm as he goes three days a week and I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach when I go to the door for him which I wish I didn't feel. Its like Jekyll and Hyde! All you can do is be consistent some days one thing works and the next it doesn't .. Ive come to accept that. Mine is the one who I have t watch as he hits out at others which is embarrassing. We r off t as soft play today as its wet which I dread with him..I'll see how it goes!

He may have learnt that he gets a response when he cries or whines. If he cried a lot when he was a baby he may have learnt that I get fussed when I do this. This then takes over the smiling response. Try to ignore the whining and respond over the top to the smiling. If he looks at you and smiles slightly tell him he's wonderful, give him over the top attention. Ask him what he wants when he does it - what do you want, shall we play ball/tickles etc. it will take time. But he will reset his response mechanism and slowly stop whining so much.

I would recommend Steve Biddulph's 'Raising Boys' to you, as a teacher and a parent. A very interesting and eye-opening read.

It's awful when they kick off and you feel like everyone's eyes are on you. No miracle cures from me I'm afraid. Ds can really cause a stir when he wants to. I just try to be calm, ignore minor whinges, distract if possible. If he is doing something dangerous or unkind I hold him facing me, kneel down and speak simply in a low, clear voice. I pile on as much praise as possible when he is good. At the end of the day they will push it, they're still so little. I find if I'm upbeat and positive he tantrums less.

You are all amazing! Thank you

It's the thank god it's not just me that's made me breathe a sigh of relief

Happy Toddler Days one & all