How do I stop 3yo dd having a meltdown when I ask her to do something?

[Mrsbadger77]

At the moment she's happily playing by herself but it's approaching bed time. I will give her a 10 , then 5 minute warning then when I tell her it's time to go up she will go ballistic. It's not just bedtime but most times she's asked to do anything she doesn't want to do. She's like Jekyll and Hyde. Playing so beautifully now. But the beast is waiting to come out. Help!!!

Have you tried giving her choices related to what you want her to do? Recently DD's been playing up in the mornings not wanting to get ready for school. She has three things to do after breakfast: get dressed, brush teeth, have her hair done. I couldn't believe how cooperative she was when I asked her what order she wanted to do it in. Suddenly she was fine because she had a sense of control and ownership. It's the same with tidying up or leaving the house; as long as there's an option given, she feels like she's having a say in what she does.

Do this and then it's a nice thing? Mine complains about bed until I say come and choose PJs.
Tidying up? Make it a race.
Got to leave somewhere. Remind her of the next nice thing or say you will come back soon?
Egg timer? Removes you telling her it's time. You could always put her in charge and say come and get me when it makes a noise and tell me it's time?

Egg timer is a good idea! I'll try it. Luckily the meltdowns are short lived but twenty a day is a bit tiring. Choices worked brilliantly until recently when she now just says I don't want either!

No real advise just to say i totally sympathise and have a 2.4 year old that behaves exactly the same:! He is a total jekyll and hyde this morning he was happy playing and even got dressed without a fight! Then went t leave the house and wanted to take his entire farm out in the car! I told him it was for home And to go and pick a book instead which resulted in a meltdown of screaming and slapping the wall i gave him a chance to sort it but we were getting nowhere so i had to carry himunder my arm to the car this is a daily occurance at the moment i bet the neighbours love me! The only thing that sometimes hekps is getting down to his level and speaking face to face ensuring eye contact . But its not always a success!!

Most things work sometimes but nothing works all the time.

Choices, rewards/bribery (eg sticker charts), distraction, humour, consequences (eg if you don't have your bath then you'll be smelly and X won't want to cuddle you at nursery tomorrow...is a personal favourite

Sometimes you just have to accept a tantrum is unavoidable...and that's ok. It's part of being a parent and setting boundaries. If you gave your child what they asked for all the time, there would be no tantrums (in theory) but you'd be a woeful parent and your child's behaviour would be dismal.