HELP!!!!!

[Mummy93]

I am utterly and completly at my wits end with my 2 children... Mainly my youngest [name removed by MNHQ]. She's 2 in October and harsh to say but is a nightmare!! She was never a easy baby to be fair suffered with colic, trouble digesting her food etc and in the last 6-9 months has had major behavioural issues! She just doesn't listen to 1 thing me and her dad say to her or ask her to/not to do. I try distracting her from things rather than saying no and it doesn't work. For example, if I'm sat at the kitchen table she will climb up the chairs I ask her to get down or get a toy out and try distracting her but she doesn't listen to me even calling her name, she will continue to climb the chair and grab or knock over anything she can, so I'll get her down and say 'no' and then she'll come back and do it again. I'll then give her a time out or put her in another room with something to do, she'll still come back and do it again, so I'll then firmly say no to her and she knows she's doing wrong as she'll just laugh in your face and then slap you on the arm or something thinking it's funny. Even when I shout 'no' after asking and being patient with her several times she will just stand there and pinch herself or bite herself and then throw herself down and cry and make herself sick by crying this happens with everything from climbing up the sofa to turn the light on, getting rubbish out the bin, terrorising the cats, putting her hands in her nappy when she's poo'd,, litrally everuthing the list is endless no matter how many time we say no or distract her nothing is working! I litrally don't know what else to do with her!!!

Have you spoken to your HV 93?

Please speak to your GP or health visitor, OP. I'd be very concerned about her pinching and biting herself and making herself sick through crying - she isn't doing this to spite you.

She is only a year and nine months now - you're saying she's had "major behavioural issues" since she was a baby of 12 months?

I'm wondering how her development is generally - is she speaking well, for example? Is she understanding what you say?

Has she had a hearing check at all? Is it possible that she isn't hearing you?

At this age, if she isn't listening to you after asking twice then I would remove her from the situation, as many times as it takes to stop. Shouting and saying 'no' repeatedly, time out and so on are unlikely to be effective as she's still really young. You have to try your best to be calm and patient every time you deal with it, even if it's the 100th time.

Do you get much chance to interact with her one on one, and play alongside her? Also, remember to tell her when she is doing something that you want her to do, even if it's very minor.

Great post from Culture. I was going to come back and suggest a hearing test, your HV should be able to refer you to audiology.

Coukd you get her eyesight tested too? My DD's speech improved a lot once she had her glasses, no idea why but it's worth getting checked

Hi I took her to her the Doctors in January about it and they said due to her age they not sure if it's behavioural or not so told me to go back in 9 month basically when she's 2 so in October if no better.
Health visitor isn't much help really she doesn't give me ways to help her just says reasons why she's doing it I.e attention over her brother. Not really helping Me with ways to deal with it.
She can't definitely hear me as when she's in a good mood and not constantly crying I will ask her to get something or whatever and she will do it and turns round if I call her, she just doesn't listen when she's doing something she shouldn't be. I praise her for doing good things or helping me always have done. Yea she started when around 12 months but this biting and pinching herself and.others started around February time. She doesn't speak at all which health visitor isnt worried about. My little boys the same he has took a lot longer to say basic words, since startinf preschool he has dramatically improved. Yeah we have one on one time while my son is at preschool for 3 hrs 5 days a week and she isn't any better during that time.
She has always been a good sleeper since she was born but in the last 3 months I put her to bed and has normal bedtime.routine eveey night same time and she has me up there every 10 mins crying.

I would go back to your GP and insist on a referral. Take someone for moral support if you think that will help.

Annoyingly, doctors have always taken things more seriously when ivectaken DH with me.

My DS didn't do what I said at all at that age. Had to basically move things out of his reach, move the furniture etc, taped paint pots to all the light switches. It was really hard work but he is a lot better now at 3 and a half. Good luck with it.

This is going to be chaotic, but instead of her in time out all the time, you are going to have to put the thing/toy in time out (ie in a room she cannot go in, ideally lockable). So if she is being disobedient over a chair, toy, whatever, she gets one warning and it goes in time out. This sounds mad but stick with it.

Also remove everything you value from grabbing height... but I would give her a few bottom drawers she can rifle through with interesting things in there.

Look again at your post. She is hearing No all the time, not necessarily just where it matters. She will almost certainly have tuned out. Can you alter this on a few levels:
So - when she's doing the chair climbing, take her down with 'We sit on chairs, don't we, they are not for climbing on';
If you are doing something with her & her brother (and ideally any number of children): 'If you don't sit on your bottom/insert behaviour here, I will miss you out this time'.
And your absolutely key phrase: replace wherever and whenever possible with 'Yes, after you have (eaten your sandwich/stopped pinching and you behave nicely/tidied X up/.' So she has a condition to meet if she wants to persuade you. Do not give in on this and do help her a bit with whatever it is you need her to do, at least initially.

The non-speaking does sound very like my DD, and after 2 winters of many ear infections, they did discover she needed grommets and had some hearing frequency loss. She was not obviously behind, but the progress after the operation was unbelievable, and it also fixed sleep problems practically overnight. So if this sounds familiar at all, a check could be really useful even to rule out a problem.

Also, praise her for 'good calming down' when she does manage to govern the points at which she works herself up with crying.

Thanks for your repsonse ormally, I have tried saying no a lot less and correcting it rather than saying no, everytime I say it in a lower tone I.e 'we don't throw toys, we play with them niceky' and I show her how to, she then begins to laugh at me and then throw it anyway either at the window, TV, her brother or me. Or she'll turn round and blow raspberrys, sounds funny but it's truly not. She hasn't gone a day without crying seriously since she was born.

Everuthing that she's not allowed isn't in any reach of hers except obviously if I have a drink or food and I'm sat at the table and eating it like a normal person, and she will stand there and cry and cry until she has some, and when I say this is my food you have had your food or if she's still eating it, bear in mind we usually eat the same thing so it's no different I even cut mine into little piece's so it looks no different she will still cry till she's sick as she wants mine or pinch herself or run into the living room screaming as loud as she can with crying and find something to throw or brake. I've taken eating before she wakes up or when she's in bed and if I'm hungry inbetween them times I'm like hiding and if she comes near me I have to hide it, this is how pathetic my life has become! Her and her brother are now partners in crime oh the joys and he will tell her to do things wrong so she gets told off and not him I get its all normal, but this adds to her doing things she shouldn't be. I mean they have 3 massive toy boxes downstairs to play with and she has to do something she isn't allowed to do, I.e me and her have the same bag I brought an identical one as she always wants my bag with my stuff so I brought her one so she doesn't have a tantrum when she can't have mine but again the same reaction with food when she can't have mine, or she'll go in the hooded litter boxes and try and grab poo out of it, it's disgusting I say it's dirty and clean her up and explain it where the cats go toilet, but it doesn't stop her she'll try do it again half hour later so I'm like clockwatching the cats so I can clean it as it's coming out pretty much so she doesn't Beat me to it.
This has been my life for last year nearly!! And everyday there is something different that she's doing where she shouldn't be.

Any advice?????