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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Tantrums of a 5 year old girl

13 replies

marilynmonroe · 07/07/2015 18:05

My daughter is going to turn 5 in the next couple of days and over the past few weeks her behaviour has beens so bad you might be mistaken that she is turning 2 and not 5.

She screams when she does not get her own way, she won't do anything she is told, she keeps saying she has tummy ache when she is asked to do anything. One minute she is the perfect child then she turns into the devil child.

At sports day as soon as she saw me she wouldn't do anything. So I left and she did it a bit but then when I reappeared she wouldn't do it and then would not take part in any of the races not even when the head teacher had a kind word with her.

She does a dance class and on friday she did a little show at a school fair, she was brilliant and loved doing it. Today it was parenting watching week and she refused point blank to do it no matter how many times we asked her.

She had a tantrum so bad on sunday that she took herself off to bed and slept for 3 hours in the afternoon.

For the past couple of evenings including this one she has been in a strop and last night went to bed with no dinner as she refused to eat. (she hasn't been eating much these days either)

She is in reception and i know she must be tired as we are so near the end of term but she has her 12 hour sleep etc so she can't be that tired.

over the past few days she has had major meltdowns and no amount of threats will make her apologise. I was even on the phone pretending to cancel her party and she still did not seem to care.

Help, what do I do????? My son was never like this at this age, although he does have his moments.

She is about to kick off now as she does not want to eat her pasta, aarrgghhhh

please give me some advise someone!

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Chickengirl · 07/07/2015 18:08

I think I would put it down to end of term. My daughter was similar at the end of reception and it did calm down in the holidays. Her behaviour has gone down again now and I think it's just physical and emotional exhaustion.

petalsandstars · 07/07/2015 18:13

My 4yo is very similar and the screaming goes right through me. I hoped school would be a calming influence

SirVixofVixHall · 07/07/2015 18:35

My daughter was like this too, at five. I agree exhaustion. They really need to break up now. It does stop. Eventually!

Cassimin · 07/07/2015 18:37

My little one is the same. But going on a lot longer. Also having problems in school. Has been diagnosed with ADHD. I have been doing lots of research and going to support groups and I think he has PDA. Has now been placed on neurodevelopment pathway. Have a look at PDA as the stratergies recommended have really worked for us. Even if it isn't this (chances are it's not) the stratergies are really helpful.

MumOfTheMoment · 07/07/2015 19:44

My 6yr old is like this at the moment. Utterly wiped out and in need of a break.

Iggly · 07/07/2015 19:47

She is probably tired!!

Pop her off to bed at 7pm every night. Have decent blackout blinds with a fan so she isn't too hot. Go easy on her.

Kiwiinkits · 08/07/2015 08:40

Are you sure the tummy ache isn't real? It could be a bladder infection or sore kidney or some other exhausting thing. Rule that out first.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/07/2015 13:23

Mine also had tummy aches, stress related I think, but we did get her checked at the GP, as Kiwi says, it is sensible to rule out physical stuff.

Original poster

marilynmonroe · 09/07/2015 11:11

Thanks all. The tantrums continue ! I spoke to her teacher who said she's been lovely at school. Tummy aches are not real. As soon as she is distracted they are forgotten about. It's her birthday today so I'm hoping for a tantrum free day!

OP posts:

SirVixofVixHall · 09/07/2015 11:42

My dd was a model child at school, but literally the minute we got her out would kick off and pretty much scream all the way home. In her case it was partly sheer exhaustion and partly stress. She was very anxious about behaving properly in school, and also had been quite traumatised by some upsetting family events (illness and deaths). So it all mounted up and she was like a tiny pressure cooker. Eventually she woudl explode. I tried everything, from understanding to super firm. Nothing helped, she got worse and worse. She was having night terrors too, so getting even more tired. Eventually I had a very gentle heart to heart with her one day, and it stopped. Just like that. Now when she talks about that time she gets upset, but she said recently that she was also being teased in school and felt embarrassed (she is very dignified and hates feeling embarrassed). And that was making her especially stressed in her class. So now looking back i can see more clearly how she was feeling, but at the time I was getting more and more stressed about it and not sleeping either, due to the night terrors she was having, so I was in as much of an emotional fog as her, which didn't help.
So all I can say is, don't worry, be as kind as you can, and this too shall pass!

Hardtoknow · 09/07/2015 13:33

DD was 5 back in the autumn term and was terrible at home all term. Delightful at school but vile to me. Things picked up after Christmas but it has gone downhill again in the last few days which I am blaming on the end of term. We are often coming home from school and just curling up on the sofa to read books or watch TV. She was in bed at 6.30pm last night and asleep by 7pm - I am quite glad she hasn't got the hang of learning to tell the time!
She also complains of tummy aches often. We went to the GP and ruled out urine infections but I have realised she doesn't drink much at school as going to the loo means missing a few minutes of playtime so I am making sure that she drinks plenty at home. She normally only drinks water or milk but, in this hot weather, I have been letting her have some diluted juice just to make sure she is drinking plenty of fluids.

I am also picking my battles and letting a lot of things slide. If she forgets to make her bed or put her clothes in the laundry basket, I am just doing it rather than asking her as she dissolves into tears.

Hardtoknow · 09/07/2015 13:35

PS As well as tiredness, I think there is also uncertainty at this time of year. DD knows she is about to go into a different class, her school has more than one form per year and they mix the classes up at the end of reception and, whilst she is with a lot of her friends, she is with one boy who has been a bit mean to her on occasion, she also knows that they have more "jobs" to do next term. Then there is the excitement... end of year party, sports day, school fair etc. These things also disrupt the routine that she has got used to.

Cedar03 · 09/07/2015 14:50

Sounds to me like she's got a lot of demands on her at the moment - birthday party, small show at dance class, sports day. All exciting stuff with a lot of build up. Combine that with the hot weather we've had in the last couple of weeks where it's hard to sleep and probably not surprising that you're seeing tantrums.

(My daughter threw herself full length on the floor at the end of the Christmas term in reception and had a tantrum. It was like having a 2 year old).

They are still so little and do get tired. I always go back to treating them like a younger child - simple instructions, not too many choices, plenty of rest time.

Also don't worry about the lack of co-operation for things she can do - there are always a few children who become overwhelmed when they see an actual audience and suddenly don't want to do something they've been confident about.

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