Playdates are fine til it's time to leave ... With 6 year old

[Sunblushsister]

My dd always seems to spoil a perfectly lovely play date by refusing to leave at the end. I usually have to drag her out crying and she never manages to say thank you or say goodbye nicely. It's horrible. I've just had a particularly horrible one where she and her brother wanted to stay the night. When we eventually left I burst into tears! Maybe I'm a bit hormonal at the moment but it's something to do with feeling like my kids don't listen and do what I ask when it's time to leave. Also, I really would love my children to be polite and have always tried to encourage it but my dd especially just wants to do what she wants.

Anyone else have this problem. How can I get respect and not do the bribery with sweets when we leave.

It's really common, amazed you haven't had it before. I think you have to go tough & say no to next offer and tell your DD it's because she didn't leave nicely the time before.

The offer after that you say you'll discuss the idea, & explain about leaving nicely & ask her to promise to leave nicely. Remind her frequently before you go, when you drop, and when you appear to fetch them, about leaving nicely or no playdate again for a while.

Also hauling out kicking and screaming is fine. Much better than standing by the door coaxing and bargaining and negotiating. One family we know takes 40 mins to leave because of all the painful persuasion that goes on. I don't invite the child any more as the woolly parenting pisses me off too much. It's not the child's fault and I wouldn't think anything of a child getting into a strop at home time but the pandering and pleasing does my head in.

Pleading not pleasing.

This is one reason I don't do play dates. I had to physically carry ds to the car once. Humiliating.

Yes it is common ... And she has done it before lots of times but this time it was beyond a joke. I was even angry this morning when I woke up so have her another lecture. I've always been a parent who has hated to say things like 'do as your told' but sometimes you have to. I said this morning 'I make the rules around here not you!' Which came as a bit of a surprise to her ... After nearly six years I think I'm finally getting tough!

Couldn't agree more with prrminstril. The hosts won't particularly care by the way, it's a compliment to their hosting that she doesn't want to leave. Don't be too stressed by it and definitely explain the consequences that if she does it again, no more play dates more a fortnight or month or whatever. Always give consequences and ALWAYS follow them through.
And yes you are right you are the boss - believe it or not kids want you to be as that makes them feel safe and secure, and ultimately respect you making for a happier time for everyone.

Wipsglitter don't feel humiliated. I'd much rather invite your child with your active intervention when necessary than the child I've referenced whose mother is not in charge. I've done the face-off with defiant child thing myself when mine have kicked off and sometimes you have to do it in public. Not ideal but much better than giving away all your authority to a grumpy six year old!

If you want to sound like my mum when she was raising us kids many moon ago you'd say, " it's time to go. Do you want to go the easy way or the hard way?" (The hard way being being picked up screaming etc)

This is probably obvious, but you do give her good warning that it's nearly time to go, don't you? It's not fair being suddenly stopped in the middle.
e.g.
DD 10 minutes, be prepared to stop soon
DD 5 minutes, can you help your friend tidy up, remember if we don't leave nicely we won't be asked back
DD come and get your shoes on

Also get the other parent on board with the 'you won't be asked back if you don't leave nicely' message, and the praising massively if she does manage it.

Completely normal behaviour, they've had fun and don't want to leave. It'll stop,it's just a phase.

I agree with picking up and hauling to the car rather than pleading, dear god that does my head in

Keeping chocolate in the car is a good trick too. Come quietly and you get some, kick off and you won't. Not that I've EVER done that