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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummy nightmare

16 replies

orangetrees · 16/11/2006 20:21

My dd is four and a half months. Every night she wakes up lots of times because she loses her dummy and wants it back desperately. As a consequence she doesnt sleep properly and is cranky all day. Both me and my dh are exhausted of this endless nights when all we do is give her dummies. We have tried to eliminate it but she screamed and cried the entire day. What should we do?

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zorina · 16/11/2006 20:34

Hi, My 6 week old baby needs his dummy to calm himself and sleep and it is exhausting getting up and down in the night to pop it back in. What i've started to do is as soon as he's nodding off and getting into that deep sleep i take it out. Just perseviere. Have you tried the thumb?

Original poster

orangetrees · 16/11/2006 20:38

Hi Zorina, everybody I spoke with (gp, health visitor, my dentist...) say that the thumb is much worse than the dummy for babies teeth development. I've tried what you do but she wakes up inmediately if I take it out, even when she has been sleeping for a couple of hours!

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CanineCrapperoo · 16/11/2006 20:47

Wont solve the problem but may help your dd to find it for herself,try a soother saver.

PanicPants · 16/11/2006 20:49

Just throw it away, get ready for a horrible day or 2, and then everything will be fine - honestly!

Original poster

orangetrees · 16/11/2006 20:57

Canine, we tried the soother saver but although shes able to take the dummy in her hand she still is not able to put it in her mouth.
We are thinking about throwing all dummies this weekend as you say Panicpants, but I'm not sure the nightmare will just last for two days. Thought more like five or six days...!

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Olihan · 16/11/2006 21:00

Agree with Panicpants. We got to the end of our tether with ds and his dummy at the same age. We threw all the dummies in the outside bin and braced ourselves. To be perfectly honest it was incredibly hard, the first night he cried for nearly an hour when he went to bed and dh and I took it in turns to sit by his cot and stroke his back until he dropped off, then took it in turns through the night wakings to do the same. We didn't leave him on his own at all while he was crying as I felt that I was responsible for making him upset so he needed one of us there. I also didn't want him to replace the dummy with needing to be rocked or cuddled to sleep which is why we left him in the cot. The second night he cried for about half an hour but woke a lot less in the night, the third night he made a token protest and that was it. He's been dummy free ever since, is a far better sleeper and such a happy soul in the day. He didn't start sucking his thumb and doesn't need any kind of comforter to sleep with either so you won't necessarily replace one habit with another.

I have to admit, the first 3 days I did take him out in the car or buggy for his daytime sleeps as I couldn't face it on my own but once he'd learnt to settle without the dummy at night it just transferred to the day as well.

It is hard but it's also much easier to take it away now than face the trauma of trying to get rid of it when they are older and far more attached to it, from what I've heard from my friends who are trying to get rid of them at nearly 3.

Original poster

orangetrees · 16/11/2006 21:08

Oh...thanks for sharing this Olihan. I felt the same today, she was crying so bad and I was feeling soo guilty because I knew how to calm her but wouldnt do it.... You did so well! This give me the courage to try again tomorrow. Also you know what, one of the main things that stops me from letting her cry is fear of what neiboughs may think...stupid me!

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mustrunmore · 16/11/2006 21:11

ds1 still has his; he's 3 on Saturday.I really wish we'd dropped it as a baby, as ds2 has never had one and ,although he cries when he wakes, its not as bad as up 12 times a night to find the dummy ,like with ds1 at that age. I dont think we'll ever get ds1 t odrop his.

Original poster

orangetrees · 16/11/2006 21:18

mustrum I was reading some info yesterday about dummies and lots of mums used Christmas as an excuse to take the dummy off their children. They said to them that Father Christmas wanted it in exchange of the presents. Some of them even prepared a nice packet and left it for him to collect. One mum even went with her dd to the post office and post the dummy! All the mums said this thing worked, so you could try it!

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jacobliam · 16/11/2006 21:19

have you heard of the no cry sleep solution book, author elizabeth pantley. she has sound advise on how to eliminate the dummy. it goes something like this.....
give the dummy until sucking slows down, then remove the dummy, and hold the chin up with your finger, if s/he cries replace the dummy, then do the same again.
eventually they will be happy to settle without it.

hope this gives you an idea

mustrunmore · 16/11/2006 21:22

I did think of something along those lines. But then there's always something to stop me. At the moment its that he starts nursery in January so I dont want a big break in routine for him, and also ds2 will move in with him soo, so, again, I dont want them to disturb each other. But I suppose I could have a dummy fairy at any time of year.

noonar · 16/11/2006 21:37

we ditched the dummy with dd1 at 2.5. we sent them all in the post to a friend's new baby- (cos dummies are for babies). it was a painless experience, surprisingly. dd was getting 'goofy' and we were concerned. within a yaer or so, her teeth were back to normal.

if the dummy isnt helping her/you to get a good night, surely you may as well go cold turkey now? when dd1 was able to pop her own dummy back in, btw, we put several in the cot, to make them easy to find!

LRWG · 17/11/2006 09:46

Orangetrees - don't worry about your neighbours!! When our next door neighbour (also good friend) was about to try controlled crying with her toddler she popped round and warned me and apologised (totally unnecessarily) in advance. To be fair, I only heard him the once and I just felt sympathy for her - never thought badly of her. Do you get on well enough with the neighbours to offer a similar 'warning'?

LRWG · 17/11/2006 09:47

Have just read through that and it looks like I'm saying you SHOULD warn your neighbours - I'm not. I just thought it might make you feel better if you are worrying about disturbing them.

3monkeys · 17/11/2006 10:57

I would say don't stress about dummies! DS1 and DD had theirs until they started school and then gave them up in 1 night with no fuss. DS2 is only 15 mths and still has his - I'm in no rush to get rid of it. (and the other 2 are perfectly normal clever articulate children, even though they had dummies at night for years!)

Original poster

orangetrees · 17/11/2006 22:02

Thanks everybody for your advices!
Well, we have decided to go cold turkey. LRWG, I apologize with my neibourghs all the time, to be honest they are always so nice and emphatic, it's just me getting paranoid.
3 monkeys, I dont know how you did it, I just cant cope anymore with the endless nights poping back the dummy in her mouth!
So tonigh we didnt give it to her, she cried only five minutes, but she normally sleeps very well from seven to the midnight feed, so the worst is yet to come. Im sure she'll cry a lot around three, when she normally wakes up looking for it...fingers crossed!

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