my 7 seven thinks he 's the main man!!!

[sarahlegit]

We have brought our kids up to be outdoorsy, sporty, with loads of in put and a strict routine..... BUT ...... my seven year old son is turning into the school bully. He has had his golden time taken from him so often, he is put on the red traffic light at least once a week, his skateboard has been hidden at home as have his footballs...... Is he bothered????? Is he stuff!!!

Short of calling Jo Frost or the Geneva convention or indeed packing his bags I need help ladies.

He is super bright, everyone tells him and us how great he is at sports but he totally thinks he is the BIG I AM.

I have made him cry, had quiet chats, shouted, Daddy has shouted, not let him play in football games, early nights the lot.

I have told them both that in the next 5 weeks at school one of them has to improve her reading and public speaking, and the other has to be kind to friends at school and I will take them somewhere nice. 3 strikes and no treat.

I can't have him growing up being mean or a bully.
Please help!!!!!
Sarah

5 weeks and only 3 strikes is quite a big ask.

I think you need to do lots and lots and lots of chats about being kind and what that means . How being clever at schoolwork and good at sport is nice, but it is so much more important to be a good friend.

Lots of examples - what would you feel if? ... is this a kind thing .... What is a good friend etc etc. And also lots of chats about choices and making good decisions. I think many children need to be taught empathy, just saying 'be nice' isn't enough.

Then ask for feedback daily from the teacher. Small reward every day for no issues. Bigger reward at the end of week. Lots of praise for good days. Short discussions on bad days about the choice he made, and what he could do differently. Ask him to tell you when he thinks he made a good choice. Maybe he got in trouble in the morning, but then at playtime he walked away from a problem rather than hitting out. praise him for that.

Maybe get him to do something he's not naturally good at, so he can see what it is like to struggle at something.

For your other child, goal should not be 'to improve reading and public speaking' , but 'to try hard to practice her reading and public speaking'. Again with praise and small treats for practicing rather than a clear results focus.

Thank you that makes a lot more sense. You are right, I ll do it on a more daily basis than a month. Thanks for your time x

I work at a school and cover the playground at lunch time and unless it's a really tiny school I bet your DS is not the only one acting this way.

That's not to say that you shouldn't try and so something about it, it's brilliant that you are (thinks of the children I have know who were always astonished that they were not allowed to go round thumping people), but it's easy to end up feeling like crap parent of the year when it's yours acting up.

I agree with Teen and Tween. small rewards, little and often, loads of praise for the good stuff and get him to think about where he's slipped up and how others feel.

I know our school will agree to work with parents with star charts or other motivators if there is a troublesome issue, it may be worth asking.

Again thank you very much for your input.... star charts are up, we had a chat about kindness over the weekend and he went with a positive attitude this morning. Hope to god it all goes well!!!
Thanks for your time xx