Attachment issues

[Babieseverywhere]

Received letter from CAMHS stating they think DS has attachment issues

Our little boy, who I have attachment parented since birth. He was carried in a sling most of his babyhood, breastfeed on request, coslept from the first night home from hospital. Always hugged and cherished....All his life.

How can this have resulted in a poor attachment?

I had mistakenly thought his issues were aspergers but doctor says not and said it was poor parenting originally and now it gets worse...attachment issues.

On top of this I an trying to help my adult brother (aspergers and adhd) who is really struggling with everything at the moment....very down and self medicating.

I feel so down at the moment.

No expertise to offer but I couldn't read and not reply. You poor thing. That must have been a devastating letter to receive. As someone who parents in a similar style to how you describe, a diagnosis of poor attachment sounds bizarre, if not impossible. I would definitely be pursuing this further and not be prepared to accept this diagnosis.

Their diagnosis may be wrong
Did he need any care after birth? That caused some attachment problems in my friends dd
What problems does he have?
If he was parented like you describe and still has attachment issues there must be an underlying cause
Did they say what attachment style he has?
I used a sling with ds and coslept, breast fed etc but it wasn't called attachment parenting then, he is 18 now. He is ASD
My adopted dd has severe attachment disorder. They are very different in their presentation

Maybe it's not poor attachment to you, maybe it is trouble transferring attachment and feeling safe with others? What did the doctor cite as poor parenting? Did he give examples?

The letter cited poor attachment to me.

All four of my children had complicated births and I was in hospital for a minimum of a week after each birth. Ranging from HFU to just a few blood transfusions on a main ward.

First and Third children (DD1 and DD2) are well parented and doing well.

Second child (DS) is poorly parented.

Fourth Child is too young to judge yet.

I have treated them all the same and would of said that they were all well attached and loved me. Before this letter.

Dr concerned that 6 (nearly 7) yo DS will not be on his own at home for a moment. Will not enter or sleep in his own bedroom (sleeps with sisters or us)
He will wet himself rather than go to the toilet on his own. So we have a rota for taking him.
If the sisters fall asleep, he runs downstairs screaming to us.
He struggled with school, has no real friends (budding up with two boys over their computer games..fingers crossed they will be friends soon)

School said he is fine. Doctor ruled out aspergers.

IATWOB How does your adoptive child present with attachment issues ?

When we met her at toddler stage she didn't have an attachment to her foster carer. She would go with her arms up to anyone
I kept her very close and had minimal contact with other people and within 6 weeks she was attached to my side. Very clingy
Its longer term impact is lack of empathy, poor social skills, impulsive, violent and destructive
Their report is terrible, very judgemental. O would challenge that
A lot of camhs are totally crap with no specialist knowledge
Ask for a second assessment. What profession made the assessment

What reason did the doctor give for ruling out aspergers?

School said he was fine.

It was a mental health nurse who did the assessment.

I have had a lot of involvement with CAMHS and my understanding is that MH nurses cannot diagnose
It has to be a paed or consultant
I would ask for a second opinion and challenge the diagnosis
Accusing you of being a poor parent is insulting and is not going to help your child

Did the assessment involve observing you and him? The whole family? Talking with you as parents? I'd be very surprised if they did none of the above (and I am qualified to send such letters). something we do see with very attachment parented children is a difficulty in coping with their own emotions and being alone - but there are nearly always myriad other social problems too. I'm not trying to make a judgement on your particular situation as I don't know you obviously.

I hope you get some answers - definitely ask for more information, you are the expert on your family.

Thanks Polter