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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

How best to get rid of a dummy?

24 replies

Pipsqueak23 · 11/05/2015 20:59

My son is 18 month old and has had a dummy since he was 4 weeks old (introduced by the nurse when in hospital with late onset strep B)

He used to have it as and when he wanted it, now he has it only for naps and bedtime. After naps, once he has had enough cuddles and has woke up properly and is ready to go and play he knows that he has to give the dummy back. Same with when he gets up in the morning (however usually swapped for his morning bottle).

My main concern is bedtime as he has 5-6 dummies in with him so he can always find one in the night which helps him sleep through. On the occasions he does stir I go into him and lie him down again and give him the dummy. I don't know how to settle him if I take them out of his cot. Any tips and suggestions?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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KW89 · 11/05/2015 22:06

Can't offer any advice but I'm in exactly the same situation with my 20 month old son, hope you don't mind me jumping in on your post incase someone comes up with a good idea!
We tried taking dummy away at naptime about a month ago, and he went hysterical, he sleeps really well so I don't want to upset bedtime by taking it away. I'm thinking I may leave it until he has a bit more understanding and maybe trade them for something super amazing that he wants! But then I have a baby due in 12 weeks so not sure how I'm going to take it away if the baby has one! It's a shame because he dropped his bottle for a cup so easily without any fuss about 2 months ago. Would love for him to not have a dummy anymore too though!

clabsyqueen · 11/05/2015 23:26

Sorry but I couldn't get rid of it until the dummy lover in our house was 3! I think being able to prepare her for it and offer words of comfort and reason (bad for teeth and big girls etc) made it easier for me to stick it out when the hysterics came. And they did come big style! We went cold turkey and there were hysterics every night for about a week and then it took about 3 months before she stopped mentioning it.

CarbeDiem · 11/05/2015 23:47

My then, nearly 3 year old ds gave his to the baby reindeer - he hung each and every one of his on the christmas tree.

Ijustworemytrenchcoat · 12/05/2015 01:22

Coming to spy on here too. I have a 21 month old and a few months ago he only had his dummy for naps and bedtime (I used to take if off him in his bedroom, which worked well as a tactic incidentally). But after an ear infection and a bad time cutting his incisors we have both got back into the habit of him having it during the day. If I leave one where he can reach it he grabs it and if he can see one out of reach he asks for it.

ShelaghTurner · 12/05/2015 02:51

My 3 year old gets worse the older she gets. We're going away for half term and I've been telling her for ages that the dummies aren't coming with us. She's going to put them all in a bag for her baby cousin and then we're going to the shop to buy her a new toy to cuddle at night.

Ha ha ha. That's the plan anyway. It's going to be hell.

Want2bSupermum · 12/05/2015 02:59

DD was about 21 months when the dentist told us we had to ditch the sucker or pay about $20k to him once she is 12 (we are in the US). That day during nap time the binkie fairy came and took all the dummy's from the house. We had DS using them too and decided we were going cold turkey with both right away.

That night was a little challenging but we threw a toy and a battered book into her crib and she was asleep pretty quickly. In the morning she had a present from the binkie fairy. When she cried for her binkie we told her that the binkie fairy had given them to other babies and we couldn't take them back.

Want2bSupermum · 12/05/2015 03:00

Oh and when they ask about where their dummy is be matter of fact and move on to something else.

lexyloub · 12/05/2015 06:56

Personally I'd leave him with it for now if having a dummy helps him to settle then leave him to it he's still only a baby there's plenty of time to take it away when he's a bit older when his understanding is better. At the minute your going to take away the 1 thing that gives him the comfor and hr

lexyloub · 12/05/2015 07:01

Sorry posted to soon......
He won't understand why your taking it away. If he only has it for naps and to go to bed and it's not permanently in his mouth all day I wouldn't worry about it. My dcs were coming up to 3 when we got rid of the dummy we made a big fuss of how they were big boys now and only baby's have dummies. It's easier to go cold turkey than gradually reduce it with my 1st dc I told him he had lost his dummy and he never bothered and Just accepted it with dc2 we left them for Santa he also was fine with it.

HoggleHoggle · 12/05/2015 07:14

My ds 17 months only has one for naps and to be honest I'm happy for him to keep it until he stops napping. Don't have the energy to fight it!

Something I read ages ago though and stored away for future re breaking the habit - cut off half the teat on all the dummies so the child doesn't get the same sucking comfort from it. They should then decide themselves that they don't like the dummies anymore and just stop wanting them. No idea whether it works, but I liked the idea of trying to make it the child's decision to stop.

Notso · 12/05/2015 08:10

We went cold turkey with DD when she was 2 and that first night was awful. If it wasn't for DH I would have given in.

DS1 decided for himself at 3.

With DS2 we still had DS3 who was a baby so he had his dummy much longer he was also a terrible sleeper and I was reluctant to remove anything that helped settle him.
At 3.6 ish we told him that we would put the dummy in a drawer next to his bed. We made a big thing about big boys not needing them and that his baby brother did need them. Over the next few weeks some nights he got the dummy out the drawer, other nights he slept without it which got him lots of praise and cuddles.
After about 2.5-3 weeks he completely stopped using it. I preferred this approach than cold turkey as although complete removal was quicker DD was so distressed that night it still haunts me. The gradual removal made it DS's idea and much more of a big achievement for him.
I will be doing the same for DS3 once we've cracked potty training. Which is taking an age

iwantgin · 12/05/2015 08:15

DS had dummies until he was over 3. His friend at nursery 'recycled' his so we did the same. (Apologies to the folk who emptied the bottle bank!).

His first night without was a bit unsettled but then fine.

yogeek · 12/05/2015 08:27

Reduce the number of dummies down to one favourite dummy. When that disintegrates....that's the end!

balloonsong · 13/05/2015 15:48

We got rid of my DD's dummy on the day of her 3rd birthday. Made a big deal of her growing up and being a big girl, she put it in the bin, we took the bag out and said goodbye and that was it. Took her maybe a week to forget about it and settle down easily at night. First 2-3 night were a bit tough but after that it was fine. I guess it's a bit easier when you can reason with them.

gonegrey56 · 13/05/2015 15:58

My dd really wanted a slide. We used this to agree that she could have one if the dummies went in the bin. She was about 2 and a half, so understood. She watched carefully as the slide was assembled, then I helped her chuck all the dummies away. She was thrilled with the slide and dummies were never mentioned again! I think this worked because she was old enough to understand the "deal"!

NotCitrus · 13/05/2015 16:09

Ds's cousin is about 9mo older so when ds was 3, he was informed that 'big boys don't have dummies - 4yos never have them. The dummy fairy takes them."
He spent the next few months considering what present he might like from the dummy fairy - the dentist said no hurry - and then when dd was a few weeks old, decided it was the day. Slight whinge on the 3rd night but a quick chew on new dinosaur tail and never a problem after.

Dd got a dummy around 10 months and has never really bonded with any other toy,only the dummies. Obsessed. So I was worried when the dentist pointed out affected teeth and said no more, need cold turkey, now.
She asked a couple times that day, agreed she didn't want bendy teeth, went to sleep fine. Morning after the 2nd night she wanted it so I said no but I had some Frozen jewellery for her, and then the next morning the dummy fairy had managed to bring a cuddly toy.

She's 3.2 and after a week is now most dismissive of babies with dummies.

If the dentist is satisfied (as ours was 6 months ago), leave it for now.

Original poster

Pipsqueak23 · 13/05/2015 22:33

Thanks for the help.

Think I might leave him a little longer until he can understand the meaning of what I am saying.

At the minute he answers 'yeh' to a lot of questions I.e. Do you want this? And then when he gets it, I tend to get 'no no no no' because he doesn't really want it.

OP posts:

tobysmum77 · 16/05/2015 08:02

With both of mine they just suddenley started chucking them/ going to sleep without (twice or so, don't mean a habit) So I seized the opportunity. DD1 was 17 months dd2 11 months.

I think sometimes the parents rely on them more than the child.

Heyho111 · 16/05/2015 08:55

The only way to do it is to throw them away. Once you've decided to get rid don't go back to it.
Sleep goes through 3 stages through the night. Non rem , rem and partial waking. Non rem is falling into deep sleep , rem is when you dream. Partial weakening is when you store. You check that your environment hasn't changed. This is when you wake up needing the loo or you realise your h is snoring. These stages last approx 3 hrs and then you go back to non rem. if nothing has changed you won't realise you've partially woken. You just go straight into non rem sleep.
Now if your child's environment has changed at partial weakening stage they will wake up. This could be you were with them now not. Dummy fell out. On the sofa now in a bed. Light on now light off. Etc etc. to sleep through how they fall asleep is how they should remain all night.
Throwing dummy away means you need to teach them how to self sooth without it. Setup a strict routine. Lasting no more than 15 mins. To feel sleepy we need to produce a hormone called melatonin. The dark is a trigger for our brain to produce it. That's why some people fall asleep in the theatre etc. a routine causes the brain to see it as a trigger as it happens when it's dark.
Don't give in. If your child screams for many nights and you then give them the dummy back you will be teaching them that if they scream for ages they get what they want.
Good luck. It will be a difficult week.

Heyho111 · 16/05/2015 08:56

*partial weakening is when you stir.

morethanacondiment · 16/05/2015 09:06

When DD was 18m and teething, she bit the end off of her tummy (which was, frankly, a little worrying ). For the next few days, whenever she squawked for her dummy, we gave it to her straightaway saying "here it is! Oh dear, it's broken".
She was confused, which seemed to distract her from potential rage (she used to scream blue murder if we couldn't find her dummy before this point), and was asleep within five minutes that day.
So I was expecting a battle, but it was actually easy-peasy. Good luck!

Gemz1806 · 18/05/2015 23:42

When my DS was around 2, a few of our friends were pregnant, so I explained to him the new babies needed the dummies, so we packed them up in a wee box and he wrote (scribbled) a message and we posted them into a post box! Worked a treat!! He asked a few times but once I said they new babies had them he settled straight away. He also had a muslin as a comforter so that helped, maybe try and introduce a new comfort teddy etc, before you remove them? Good luck! It might not be as hard as you think!!xx

Whatsitallabout71 · 19/05/2015 09:48

The fact that a new arrival is on the way might be the perfect way to "explain" what needs to happen. We also used the dummy fairy method. Our 2.5 year old wouldn't sleep without his dummy, but one day, we hung out the dummy on the washing line, and the next day, when he woke up, it was gone, because he was a big boy and the other little babies needed a dummy now. Perhaps he'll feel good about being a big brother that way. We dreaded the whole thing. In the end, it was absolutely fine. Good luck!

BotleyYellow · 19/05/2015 14:19

Am firmly in the camp - what does it matter if they are so young? My DS (now 8.5) gave his up voluntarily at 4 (having only used it for going to sleep with for the previous 3 years). I personally don't see that causing upset gains anything. It is a comfort when getting to sleep, that's all. Almost all children seem to want to stop using it as they get older. Interestingly it wasn't until later that I discovered that I had been using the dummy at home, but that nursery (where my DS was napping) had never used one! And yet I would have sworn blind that he needed the dummy to sleep! Still glad that I just let it all resolve itself.

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