Routine???

[deaconblue]

Have been trying to reassure friend with three week old baby that not being in any sort of routine is normal. It took months before my lo had an evening bed time or anything resembling a routine but other mothers of newborns are claiming all sorts of magical routines and stressing her. Or am I the only one useless at routines???

I have a 5 week old ds who is not in any routine. I am exclusively bf-ing so I think it is a bit more difficult to establish one, or it takes slightly longer.

I remember with dd, by 4-5 months, I could more or less see a routine developing around her nap times and bed time. It will happen, even if your friend does not do anything about it hth

I stressed too much about routines with dd - from reading you-know-who's book and even Baby Whisperer. But truth was, in hindsight, it does not really matter. Second time round, I am utterly relaxed and a lot happier for it.

who are these other mums that exist in this world sputting off rubbish they really should know better, tell her 12 weeks before things become relaxed and maybe 5/6mths before you have a nice pattern for the baby. imo. its so natural for it to be haywire initally and one has to just go with the flow. and talk to likeminded frineds like you!

I will tell her what you say ladies. I totally agree, I think you can really beat yourself up trying to make a baby fit with a clock when they just don't function like that. Ds still won't sleep during the day when I want him to, but I remind myself that there's no way I could sleep on cue if I was told to either. I told her today that a) other women lie about their babies' abilities and routines and b) husbands lie about how hard it is going to work! I reckon full time motherhood is the hardest job I've ever done!!

I remember when I was at antenatal class being given a chart to fill in with "my daily routine now" and "how to fit baby into daily routine." Pointed out crossly to midwife that I didn't have a daily routine - every day varied according to whether it was a market day/check up or some other pregnancy stuff/friend in town or imminent deadline.
DS now 2 and our days are still pleasantly variable depending on whether it's a nursery day or not/playgroup day or not/if Daddy is coming to visit. Something to remember is that if you live a flexible, variable life and it suits you, your infant may be inclined the same way. If you're an anal-rententive with no imagination, whoops, sorry, a very organised person, then you may hatch a kid who will need a very structured day. DOn't worry about it though - kids are all different. Just like parents.

I would say that with regards sleeping, a routine doesn't really kick in until 3 months, although I started getting DD used to bath, bottle, bed from week 2.

Routine?! Just as you see one starting to develop, it changes again as baby gets older. Mine is 19 weeks and his daytime sleep pattern is changing again.. I agree with below message. Do we have set routines every day??

we have a routine - it is set by my DS! I spent the early weeks agonising about why my baby wouldn't "fit" into routines and tearing my hair out ... now he is 21 weeks and he feeds 3 hourly, naps when he is tired, and had a great bath and bed routine. He still wakes for a night feed (but he is hungry bless him). He is happy and thriving ... would heartily agree with Shish that you think you have cracked it and it all changes again. He is going to nursery in 4 weeks and we will start weaning in 2 weeks and then he will start teething so it will all change again LOL ... just encourage your friend to listen to her baby's sleep and hunger cues and she won't go to far wrong.

bloody hell - I went mad about routeins as well - (althou boy thankfully got himself into 3 houlry ones from about 3/4 weeks so that was easier. but nothing I did instilled that) went to ratchet about 3 months and all changed, then again about 6 months- now we're 8 months and he does exactly what he wants when he wants, I normally work around him only thing we have set is bed time, apart form that a nap normally about 11 ish and 2 lunch 12, quite random thou cos some days we'll be up late, or something.

a friend of mine was v v strict in the beginning her LO knows the set things to dso and when some babies need it others don't - i'm too scatty really for routeins, do try to keep to one, but boy keeps chaning him mind! lol.

We must hold a record, our twins are 3yo and we still havent got any particular routine!

DS1 was brill he had routine by 8 months, mind you I was in control then, this time its DH duties in the evening as I work, thats probably my answer!

Phew. A thread which confirms what, in my heart of hearts, I already know. My ds 7.5weeks has no real routine though one seems to be emerging gradually. I get sick of hearing about these wonderbabies who do everthing on cue!!! Are they wearing watches?? My dd1, now 8.5yrs was really easy to predict by comparison to ds and I find myself knocking myself out every day about it. They are just different children. I wish I could relax and enjoy this phase but feel under pressure and quite stressed about it trying to raise the perfect baby. Grrrrr.

Shoppingbags - How old is ds?

Now I feel really bad about having a routine??? Confused new mum here, DD is 7 weeks old and feeds at the same times each day and has bath bottle and bed same time each night, in saying that she will still throw this sometimes and that's ok too - she is a baby, unpredictable and an individual, it just seems that she is happier when she knows whats coming next. Has stopped sleeping so much in day and like has already been said on this thread they change constantly. My friend who's baby was born the same as my DD has no routine and her is baby is very happy - so I feel it's horses for courses and as long as baby is happy then who gives a shit if there is a routine or not. Am I hated now

Like you say Jam, it's whatever keeps the baby (and so hopefully you) happy, especially in the early months . My DS is 3 months old and has no particular routine in the day, but has had a bedtime routine since about 6 weeks of bath, feed and bed and is sleeping fairly well at night. We're also trying to emphasise the difference between day and night so no chat for night feeds or nappy changes, but being more entertaining in the daytime. Just trying to work out how to convince the little blighter to nap in the daytime now - you know when they need sleep but keep pinging their eyes open? grrrr

jam77. Didn't mean to make you feel bad. .Guess I'm just envious . Mind you ds has been sleeping from about 9pm to 5am the last 3 nights then dozing till around 6:45ish so I am a very happy bunny now . Jiut gotta crack the daytime naps now . ds seems only to nap in my arms (as he is right this minute) or on the move. Any top tips???

jam77. Didn't mean to make you feel bad. .Guess I'm just envious . Mind you ds has been sleeping from about 9pm to 5am the last 3 nights then dozing till around 6:45ish so I am a very happy bunny now . Jiut gotta crack the daytime naps now . ds seems only to nap in my arms (as he is right this minute) or on the move. Any top tips???

Cruise honey, you didn't make me feel bad, we are all in this together - I'm a new mum, and like you I spend most days praying that DD will sleep well and nap well. Some days she is fab, like yesterday, napped after all day time feeds and slept well last night, the day before however was a different story, would not sleep for love nor money and cried all day and I do nothing differently, she just decides that some days sleeping is no fun and it's far better to completely overtired and cranky!!!!!! I'm after tips on keeping her amused when she is awake, what does 7 week olds like to do? I envy all the mums who say they can put their babies into their bouncy chairs or a mat and they are quite happy DD last about 3 mins and then gets fussy - what did/does your DS do in the day??

you're right to reassure her, they are babies and dont know what they are supposed to do!

having said that dd had a routine from day one but id like to point out it was nothing to do with me and i wasnt best impressed (generally involved being awake in the early hours!) but she sorted it out herself, its jsut depends how their body works and what they need each day is different so they'r gunna change.

ell her not to fret, itl sort itself out eventually!

jam77 - daytime activities? hmm... well, ds loves to have a kick about with his nappy off. Doesn't matter where he is just so long as he has something bright to stare at! He doesn't seem bothered about his baby gym as he prefers staring either side than up. He does love his bouncy chair especially when dd or myself (or occasionally even dh...) chat or sing to him. I must confess to sitting him in front of baby-tv (on cable) which is a dead cert for five mins peace. Nothing keeps them entertained for long at this age. Much easier once they can sit up. Have fun!

Thanks cruise - will have to try the kick about without nappy - haven't tried that yet

jam77 - let me know if the nappyless kick about goes down well!

Sorry to butt in here, but in my ante natal group (we were all July babies ) we have all done things completely differently (I'm a self confessed control freak who loves a routine and a bit of predictability) - but we have all landed up with pretty much the same result ie something which suits us and our babies nearly all of whom are generally happy and sleep really well through the night (presumably what we all ultimately are aiming for !!). My lo will literally be eyes closed at the same time each day and feed at the same times each day (save during growth spurts etc when we adapt to what is needed) and we have bath bottle bed. I've "routined" him from week one save that I was not bad enough to get myself in a state if it didn't quite work to plan on one day and could be flexible when needed !! I also don't worry if my Lo sleeps for naps in car seat/buggy/ out and about - I need a life during the day and I'm always out - I'm not tied to my house and his darkened room(!) - he's extremely portable and he's really adapted well - he slept through pretty much 80% of the time from 8 weeks. However, I really do believe that I could have had a very different sort of baby who didn't adapt or just didn't want to adapt - I may just be lucky. So, I suppose what I am trying to say is that your friend has to do what suits her and her baby together and sod what those do gooding people try to tell her. I don't like to advertise my "routines" as people (other than my Mum!!) think I'm a freak. But, personally, my experiences from a routine are positive and I have a good sleeper who is a pretty happy and easy baby....I may change my tune if I am lucky enough to have another baby and in fact am interested to see if with a different personality the routine would work...I fear I may be about to be shot down