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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Nappies past the age of 3

18 replies

squiz81 · 09/02/2015 19:24

My ds turned 3 last November & we've made zero progress with potty training.

He screams and goes crazy if you suggest he sits on either the potty or the toilet or wears pants. When I have managed to get him in pants he just wets them and doesn't tell me (will hide it under a blanket or something). He also holds poo in, he gets so fidgety I have to tell him to go. Tonight, I tried putting him on the toilet because I knew he needed a poo, he got really upset and then the poo never came out, and then he refused to do it in his nappy either.

He was late to start talking (2.5 years) so we did wonder if everything will be a bit behind

I guess he's not ready? So hard not to compare him to all his potty trained friends, I am struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, he is stubborn to the point of beligerance.

We have tried:,reward charts, praise, presents, picking own pants, picking toilet training seat, story books about using potty, sitting on potty with books. Out of ideas......help please!!

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CountingThePennies · 09/02/2015 19:28

Put toilet training on hold for now, try again in a few months.

Its not a race, although i know what it feels like when other children seem miles ahead of yours.

Original poster

squiz81 · 09/02/2015 19:51

Thank you!
I guess there's not going to be a straight forward solution just a case of waiting.

I think because this comes on top of him bring a really fussy eater, refusing to drink, scared of blowing his nose... It just feels like everything is a bit of a fight. Gets draining!

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WastingMyYoungYears · 09/02/2015 19:56

DS was well over 3 when he was potty trained. I think it makes it easier to wait a bit longer. I'd have a decent break, then try again.

RabbitSaysWoof · 09/02/2015 21:19

I second the great advice to wait. Honestly try not to compare to others, I know alot of dc (boys particularly) ready after 3.
It's not a battle when they are ready.

MiaowTheCat · 09/02/2015 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

davidjrmum · 09/02/2015 21:26

Agree re waiting a bit then trying again. Our ds was still in nappies well over 3 and well over the age that his 2 sisters had been potty trained. Then one day he decided that was it, he didn't want to wear a nappy anymore, not even at night time. We expected lots of wet beds but he was absolutely fine.

Original poster

squiz81 · 09/02/2015 21:38

Thanks everyone, think I just needed to hear we are not alone in this! He's our eldest so nothing to compare him to.

With regards to people he looks up to, I've tried that he's just not bothered!

He did start talking about the toilets at pre school so I think the cogs are whirring in his brain about it! Plus he shows an unhealthy interest in how plumbing works and sewer systems maybe he needs to know all the ins and outs before he commits!

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NotCitrus · 09/02/2015 21:40

I second the ideas of waiting until it's warmer, and finding some role models his age.
Also Cool Pants and bribery - ds refused to try until he got dinosaur pants and a sticker chart that resulted in a scooter after 3 weeks, plus a smartie per successful wee/poo. But that was only after an abortive attempt, once nursery and I were pretty sure it had become won't not can't.

Heleng1982 · 10/02/2015 06:42

my ds2 was the same he would hit and bite and completely flip out at the mention of toilets/potty. so we left it and then at 3years 4 m he decided one day wanted to do it and he's been out of nappies since. He still has issues with doing a poo but we are getting there you will too

louisejxxx · 10/02/2015 06:58

My ds grasped the concept at 3y2m (typically a couple of days before we went abroad so I had to create a potty shaped space in one of the suitcases) but still didn't get it all the way until a few months later. Poos took even longer...and when he started school last Sept there was still a little bit of me that doubted whether he'd be able to not have an accidents (poos, wees were fine). My point is - don't panic too much, especially as you have a good long while till he has to be at school. My ds was July born so less time as he was only just 4 when he started - your ds will be nearly 5!

Original poster

squiz81 · 10/02/2015 09:18

Thank you, I think I've been fretting too much and putting pressure on him and me. Hate to admit it but think I do feel like people will judge him and us, it shouldn't bother me but it does! Plus both sets of his grandparents are a bit incredulous he's still in nappies.

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Tomfunsnumber1trolley · 10/02/2015 22:28

I've just started a thread about the same thing! My son turned 3 in September and we're going through the same sort of thing. Perhaps we should start a support group!

dancingwitch · 12/02/2015 09:47

Grandparents will be incredulous as, in their day, there weren't disposable nappies or automatic washing machines so having a child in nappies was much more hard work than it is these days so they put more effort into training children earlier.
DD was dry at 2.4 having got potty training for wees at least the day we started. DS is 2.8 and we haven't even thought about starting. He's not interested and is a very different character. We are already on so many bribes & threats for other parts of his life that I just can't be bothered to introduce another area to fight over. I've got a few weeks off in the summer when he'll be 3.2 so part of me thinks I should try then but I'm looking forward to lots of days out, trips to the beach etc so, if he still isn't showing interest, won't bother as I don't want to have to carry a potty everywhere or constantly be asking where the nearest loo is.

didi66 · 13/02/2015 14:47

Your son sounds like mine, so perhaps I can offer some hope.
My son also had a speech delay and was only saying a few words by the age of 2, and only single words at 2.5. He showed absolutely no interest in potty training and no awareness of needing to pee when he turned 3, but I decided to try him anyway. It consisted of sitting him on the potty and then toilet for long periods, only to have him pee on the floor as soon as I took him off. Nursery were very supportive and said he simply isn't ready. I tried again at 3 and 5 months and it was much of the same - he wasn't ready and it was a very stressful time for us both. He finally got it at 3 and 6 months and he was dry in two days - it literally took the weekend, during which time he had two accidents and one of those was my fault. It started with him noticing that he had peed in his pull-ups and telling me so - that was the first real sign that he had any bladder awareness at all. It took a few more months before he was dry at night as well. It's hard, but try not to worry - and harder still not to compare him with other children or listen to other people.

didi66 · 13/02/2015 14:56

Also, I found that a trainer seat on the toilet worked better than a potty at his age - he was too big to sit comfortably.

WheresMyCow · 13/02/2015 15:43

I'd just leave it for now. My DS was still in pull ups at 3.5yrs. We'd had one attempt at going into underpants which was very unsuccessful, so just went back to nappies and took the pressure off us all.

We encouraged him to use the toilet whenever we could, but wouldn't force the issue and then one day he just got it and started to tell us that he needed a wee. However he was still using a nappy for poo's until after Christmas just gone - he was 4 years 2 months old by then. We'd told him that we were going to try to get him out of the pull ups after Christmas...but we meant in the new year. He took us very literally and just did it!

A couple of weeks later he felt ready to stop using them completely as he still wore a pull up at bed time but had been dry at night for over a year.

I did sometimes find myself explaining to people why he was still wearing a nappy, but then I thought it's none of their business.

Good luck and don't worry about it too much, he will do it when he is ready

ShesAStar · 13/02/2015 16:49

I am in the same boat as you, don't feel you are alone. My DD will not use a potty (too cold mummy!!) she has a hysterical fit if I try to sit her on the toilet - even with the special trainer seat that she picked herself (double the price for the Minnie Mouse one!) and she will not even consider wearing the Peppa Pig knickers that she picked. Even though she often picks them up and looks at them.

I tried to potty train her last summer and she did a few wees on the potty but refused to poo to the point where she made herself constipated. Now even though she is in nappies she still tries to hold back poos, it is awful and I have to use medication to get her to poo as she point blank refuses.

I have no idea what to do and the GP (doctor, not Grand Parents) thinks using the medication is the best way forward until she starts to allow herself to poo again - I am at a loss. It was so easy with my DS - I was not prepared for this!

I am going to wait until summer in the hope things will be back to normal and we can start again, so you are not alone! Don't worry about the Grand parents - I think the passage of time makes all things seem easier. It is what it is and all you can do is wait! Don't feel pressure - look how many people on this thread are in the same boat.

Original poster

squiz81 · 13/02/2015 17:37

Thanks wheresmycow and shesastar and didi66

It is very reassuring to hear your experiences! Currently I am getting him to sit on the toilet with a trainer seat before his bath and in the morning, this is enormous progress for us. He hasn't done anything in the toilet, but just to sit there, even though he is moaning feels like such a breakthrough (so easily pleased these days!)

Maybe he's just a genius...he's worked out the longer he drags it out for the more reward chart action he gets!

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