6yr old DD's stubbornness is now causing trouble at school

[Pigleychez]

DD1 has always been stubborn even as a toddler but seems to be getting worse with age. She regularly pushes it at home but has always been an angel at school. The past 3 weeks ive had a few issues with her stubbornness at school too. Like refusing to do things.
She doesnt cope well with being told off for anything and will automatically shut down and the stubbornness takes over. Its like large iron gates spring shut then its game over!
She then will go into meltdown with tears, arguing, scowling etc, Nothing gets through to her when the gates shut.
She just like Jykell and Hyde. Can be so lovely but say the wrong thing and she snaps.
School inform me each time there's a drama and are concerned as its so unlike her (at school). I cant think of any reason why shes now started stropping at school.

Any ideas how I can help her channel this stubbornness?
Im concerned now it going to affect her school work too and her school life.
Im beginning to dread the school run now for fear of being called over by the teacher. I feel like a failure and its bringing me to tears most days.

Is she able to explain why she shuts down?

Also, google pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and see if the behaviours fit.

That's a tough one. You could try asking your dd what she suggests. My 6-year old responds very well to that. I ask her how she thinks we can avoid another meltdown or what she'd do if she feels angry and about to snap.

You might be amazed at the strategies she can come up with herself and could even offer to role-play these at home?

Thanks, We had a particularly bad day yesterday :(

When I ask DD about why all I really get is 'I don't know' which just frustrates me. She says she gets angry but that's about it.
I have bought her a book about feeling angry. In the book the little boy explains how his anger feels, ie Like a volcano about to erupt and ways in which he can deal with his anger, like counting to ten, thinking good thoughts. Im hoping this will help her acknowledge the anger and provide ways to channel it.
She has taken the book into school today too to share with her teacher in the hope that they can help her refer to the book when she feels angry. Hopefully a two prong approach of the same thing will keep it consistent and possibly sink in abit.

Ive started reading 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' in an effort to get my own head around her feelings more.

Blimey Op, I could have written your post about my almost 5yr old. Just posted on my own epic thread and am hoping someone comes along with some words of wisdom...

I feel your pain even if I can't help!