28 month old will not let me bath her, wash her hair, brush her hair or get it cut!

[SpeckyB]

My DD is very strong willed. She hates the bath, and has done since she was a year old (now 28 months). We have tried getting in with her, introducing new toys, rewards, bubbles, no bubbles, very little water, the shower. We now bath her twice a week and she stands the whole time, crying. The crying stops when she gets out. She happily talks about baths (I.e. When the topic comes up in a book) and happily hangs over the side watching me when I shower daily.

Hair washing is much worse. It takes 2 people as she is a danger to herself and acts like she is being drowned. I wash her hair once a month. She has only had her hair cut three times - once at home in front of Peppa Pig, once at nursery and once in a salon. Again she strongly resisted and last time I had to hold her head still. She refuses to wear hair clips or bands. She even cries when I brush or comb her hair.

What can I do to improve this situation? Should I give up getting her hair cut (I was told by a hairdresser that I should not force her). I can't stopped the baths / hair washing but it's horrible for us all.

Any advice gratefully received. Thanks for reading.

What is she like with water generally? Has she been to a swimming pool, seaside, play in a paddling pool?

My eldest hated hairwashes, and still struggles with haircuts (he is 11 years now!). He hates being touched, but was much better once he took control and learned to do it himself.

Dd2 was like this at about 18months. We took a tough love approach which I know isn't for everyone.

We'd put her in the bath and get her washed and hair washed then straight out, over and done in less than five minutes. It was horrible for the first couple of weeks but she quickly got used to it and it got much easier. She's four now and we have the opposite problem in getting her out of the bath as she loves it.

Haircuts aren't essential, I don't think my dds had their hair cut before they were 3 as it didn't need it. Could you let her brush your hair first or brush your OH hair while you brush hers?

I don't think you need to wash children's hair, we don't wash our 2 year olds hair, we rinse it with water if it's got mud/paint/food in it but we don't shampoo it at all. He has really lovely soft shiny hair despite the lack of washing.

I would also not insist on hair cuts.

Will she get in the bath with you?

What happens if she goes in the shower instead of a bath?

Thanks for your replies. She's fine with water as long as it doesn't get in her eyes so we go to the toddler pool and she loves the paddling pool. Jumping in puddles is her favourite thing. Getting in the bath used to help but not any longer. I offer to let her brush my hair but she refuses.

She went through a stage of refusing to brush her teeth too. I forced her for a while, which didn't help so instead I stopped trying & she didn't brush her teeth for 3 weeks. Now she loves her toothbrush, although refuses to use toothpaste and generally just sucks the brush! At the moment everything feels like a battle.

She screams in the shower / backs away. We've only tried a few times but it's worse than the bath.

Have you asked her why she doesn't like it? I feel your pain about battling

One of my DC went through a phase when she was 2 where she hated the bath and refused to sit down. I just let her stand up and I washed her/her hair as quickly as possible whilst chatting/singing. It lasted about 3 months.

I wouldn't worry about haircuts until your DD is a bit older and more understanding you can bribe her. With hair brushing just hold her firmly but gently (you might have to think about the perfect way to hold her) and just do a quick brush each morning.

DD1 went through this phase. The only place she will have a wash is the shower at the swimming pool. So We clean her with a flannel at home but wash her hair at the pools.

This all changed when DD2 came. She's now bathing every day with her sister.

I think personally is take the toothbrushing battle first as the damage to her teeth could be long term, not washing/cutting/brushing hair might make her look a bit scruffy but it's only temporary and hair grows back!

So it's just a water in eyes/on hair thing? Sounds just like both of mine, although my youngest was ok with haircuts.

I used to wash hair once a week - flannel for them to hold over face. I gave them plenty of warning, so that they knew the other baths were not hairwash baths.

It is a phase, but it is horrible.

Get a decent pair of air scissors, wait 'til she's asleep - maybe you can get her to nap in a reclining chair sort of thing and cut her hair yourself. Get another adult there to stop her getting hurt by the scissors if she suddenly wakes up. I'd cut a fringe and have the rest of the hair shoulder ish length so that it actually doesn't need to be put up/clipped/done ever.

You could get nice bath toys that she can only play with in the bath to entice her in

I try to explain that it's not a hair wash day but she does not seem to hear me / understand. She's not yet speaking in sentences & only has about 60 words so it's not always clear what her objection is.

I let her stand in the bath & they last 2 minutes max. She cries from the moment she is taken upstairs to the time she gets out of the bath.

Sympathies. My DD was like this at 2 about teeth and hair. She's fine now at 4. Sticker chart and strawberry toothpaste helped for teeth. We basically didn't brush her hair and bathed once a week. Bizarrely she also loved the electric toothbrush?!?

Hmm, so why does she still not like the baths even when not hair-washing day? Does she understand that she's not going to have her hair washed?

DS was traumatised by hair-washing for ages. We also did it about once a month as a toddler. His hair was much lovelier when not just washed anyway. (Still looked lovely after a month but it would start to smell of wet dog when damp, yeuch.)

When it did need washing, lots of warning so he knew what to expect. Lots of talking through how to do it with no water in his face. For him it was also about the possibility of getting in eyes. After much negotiation we came up with a system where he held a dry flannel over his face. Or have you tried one of those jugs with a rubber bit that guards their face?

Have you tried getting her to do some of it herself? We also had a phase with DD where she would scream if we tried wetting her hair, but give her a jug and she'd happily tip water on her own head.

Would goggles help her if it's the water in eyes which is causing the problem?

DS now at school has always hated water in his eyes but goggles help lots.