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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

very anxious daughter

17 replies

littleone88 · 23/12/2014 18:52

hope someone can help, I have a very anxious daughter who has a phobia of school she wasnt happy at her old school so we have changed schools for her she starts in jan, i am very worried she will be the same can a child of 7 have a phobia of school would love to hear from any mums regarding this, I feel so alone

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Blackpuddingbertha · 24/12/2014 15:43

My DD started with severe anxiety at 7 years. She has phobias of various things and has full blown panic attacks. If you haven't already got it then I'd recommend 'What to do if you Worry Too Much' which is aimed at young children with anxiety issues.

Also look at previous posts in the Children Mental Health section on here for advice.

I'd also advise you to speak to the school about her issues sooner rather than later, a supportive school and teacher can make a huge difference.

Original poster

littleone88 · 24/12/2014 17:26

she will be getting better support from her new school as I have let them know her issues with the other school and getting some help from tahms just hope things are better at this school all this has made my depression and anxiety hit the roof luckily i have had great support from my GP and seeing a counsellor

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Blackpuddingbertha · 26/12/2014 13:45

CAHMS won't help us as DD won't talk to them. Apparently they don't have the time to spend to build up a relationship with her so that she will begin to talk . We're trying to see if they will work with DH and I so we have a vague idea of what to do so we can help her!

I wish you well and hope the new school will help. I think the more help you can get from all directions the better.

Original poster

littleone88 · 26/12/2014 20:48

thank you for your kind words blackpuddingbertha

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itsnothingoriginal · 26/12/2014 20:59

I don't have much advice I'm afraid but you are not alone. My 7 year old also suffers from anxiety and especially around going to school. It's very stressful to see them so unhappy - I do sympathise OP. . 'The huge bag of worries' is a good book to read together. We talked a lot about what the issues are after reading it. My DD also has anxiety about eating and feeling sick. Hope the new school is supportive and that it's a positive move for your DD.

imip · 26/12/2014 21:00

My dd6 suffers from anxiety also. It's been diagnosed by a psych and she's had about 20 sessions extending across last year.

Going to school is one of her issues. Her anxiety manifests in pretty bad behaviour. She refused to go to school and it can be quite difficult for dh, myself, and our other 3 dcs.

School are up to speed with this, but she is generally very good at school. Initially, they refused to believe me, but then she started showing this bad behaviour when her routine was changed at school, and their approach to her has improved markedly.

Dd will always struggle to get to school. It's a massive effort to even get her out of bed, let alone dressed, fed, teeth brushed etc, we've tried a number of different tactics with mixed success.

On a particularly bad morning, she will refuse to go into school and cling on to me. Perhaps once a fortnight. In these situations, I have a particular learniñg mentor I look for and they give her a job to do - go to the office, help them do a task, to get her into school.

So, I agree with the above, talk to the school. Hopefully this will really help...

Original poster

littleone88 · 28/12/2014 17:54

ladies thank you so much I now feel i am not alone, i have purchased a book called what to do when your kid worries too much, so I hope that helps her, she has been so misrable over christmas its heart breaking to see, its her birthday on tuesday, her new school are already aware of her so im hoping things work out for her, I am not looking forward to the 5 th jan when she starts, I also suffer with anxiety and depression, I am slowly getting better myself

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Longsufferingmum2 · 30/12/2014 09:41

Sometimes I wonder if a little medication might help. One of my children is autistic and they go to a unit attached to a mainstream primary. My child's friend (they're all Aspergers in his class) has MASSIVE anxiety. His GP eventually put him on mild tablets (don't know what). They just take the edge off and now this child functions like you wouldn't believe. It's been a minor miracle for that family. It might be something you could look into.

Original poster

littleone88 · 30/12/2014 13:13

thank you longsufferingmum2 will see how the school go in helping my daughter

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Blackpuddingbertha · 30/12/2014 14:19

Actually OP, it's worthwhile looking at Aspergers in girls for ideas for dealing with your DD's anxiety. Infact there are so many traits in my DD that are similar that I don't wonder if the two are linked. Aspergers in girls is quite different than that in boys.

I once asked my GP If there was any medication I could give to DD so we could get her onto a plane to go on holiday without a massive meltdown and a great deal of trauma; the GP looked at me as if I was asking to give her poison! I can't understand why when adults can take Valium to take the edge off phobias why there isn't something similar for children. Not getting on the plane would've been far worse for her mental health than medicating her would have been on her physical health.

Original poster

littleone88 · 30/12/2014 19:40

blackpuddingbertha, she is already been assessed with TAHMS was told she doesnt have any of those signs, her main problem is her anxiety but will put this across with her support workers, how is your son now

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Blackpuddingbertha · 01/01/2015 13:50

Mine's a daughter too, not a son. We've had no improvement at all unfortunately, we're just trying to manage it mostly by avoidance of triggers. Luckily she will go to school as this is not (currently) one of her issues.

Original poster

littleone88 · 01/01/2015 16:48

things arent getting better for me I feel so helpless, she is always asking me if she is going to die and that she wants a new brain, I really hope the new scholl help her out, I am just starting to feel better in myself after having a break down in beginning december

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imip · 01/01/2015 17:28

Did cahms offer her any support for her anxiety?

It did take dds school a long time to help me. In fact, they actually used her as a 'role model' in school (as my other dds at the school are ). But they are helping defuse pretty volatile situations.

I hope the new school is supportive..,,

Original poster

littleone88 · 01/01/2015 18:16

Have tahms invloved as they said CAHM are for the older kids, thanks I hope they help my daughter its getting out of control

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Blackpuddingbertha · 02/01/2015 19:28

I don't think there is much difference between TAHMS & CAMHS, probably comes down to which area you are in as to whether both are available and how they are targeted.

Do you have support as well? It is tough having to support your children if you are yourself unsupported.

Original poster

littleone88 · 02/01/2015 20:16

yes i do have support have a counsellor and regularly see me GP, its very hard when she is so young and you cant help them

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