Can anyone recommend a good book

[Shetland]

About child psychology?
I'm guessing that's what I'm after anyway. I need to get my head round how my nearly 4 year old sees the world - I have no idea about child development. I'm just winging it and losing my temper too often.

I thought if at l could least understand her take on things I might be able to handle it better. Or am I clutching at straws here?!

Anyway - any recommendations please. Simple reading would be good ;)

Tell us more about her.

I can recommend this parenting website not purely child psychology, but it has been really helpful to me in understanding my children and the different stages they're at.

Thanks footlight - I'll take a look.

hedgehog The main problem is her total inability to take no for an answer coupled with my limited ability to cope with being asked the same question 30 times in quick succession in an increasingly whiny voice. It just ends up with us screeching at each other - which just gets us nowhere.

I just realised a couple of nights ago that understanding her better might help me deal with it better, when after such a scene at bed time (which involved a series of requests being repeated over and over) DP came an took over. I could hear her talking to him over the monitor and she seemed genuinely upset that I wasn't listening to her! She kept saying that she just wanted to ask me a question and I wouldn't let her. But I'd heard the question and answered it about 20 times. It just wasn't the answer she wanted.
I just wondered if she genuinely saw it that way or if it was just another attempt at getting her own way?

Tbh I don't know how to deal with it either way. I feel very hopeless with it all at the moment. It's relentless and I am certain my reactions to it are making it worse and worse.

Turn the questions back on her in a very gentle and kind way 'what do you think is the answer?

Bombarding questions at you sounds like a way of getting attention. The winey voice also as it pushes your buttons and gets her attention.

Can you spend 20 or so mins playing/drawing/baking and reading with her. Generally having outrageous fun and giving her all your undecided attention twice a day.

Also ham things up. Be silly, do daft things, pretend to be a dog/alien/dinosaur/pony just at the point she's about to start whinging. Switch her from whinging mode to fun mode

Also when you ask her to do something, stop what you are doing, get couple of feet away, get eye contact, use her name, give an instruction in a kind but definite way, ask her to repeat the instruction back to you, wait for her to complete the instruction, start counting to three/remove her present activity if she doesn't do as asked.

Use a tick list with rewards

Use egg timers ' when the alarm goes off, you need to turn the telly off and wash your hands ready for tea'

Also if you whinge, she will whinge. Kids often pick up and copy the patents behaviour

Thanks hedgehog - a few things for me to try.
I am aware, even as I'm doing it, that the way I react to it makes it worse but I just can't take it. The whine sets my nerves right on edge and I respond by snapping/ shrieking at her - utterly bloody pointless I know :(

She does get 1-1 attention every day (her sister's nap time and bedtime) but generally she starts up again pretty quickly afterwards.

It's really easy to get worn down by it all. I think it all sounds quite attention seeking generally though. When the babies awake can you have a laugh about the baby with DD?

she'd enjoy that - she does crave attention, and there's quite a lot of telling her sister off going on at the moment too - so definitely a link there.

You've been very helpful hedgehog - thanks for taking the time to respond

It's a pleasure . We've all been there

I was going to suggest trying some third person affirmation as it's officially called. So telling other people how wonderful/kind/gentle/thoughtful your DD is with in ear shot of DD. It will make her feel great.

Also lots of head patting and pecks on the cheek as you pass her, particularly when the baby is awake.