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Original poster

When other people tell your child off in front of you..

109 replies

Donbean · 10/10/2006 09:44

Even when they are good friends or just some one you know:

  1. How does it make you feel?
  2. What do you do?
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RottenOtter · 10/10/2006 09:45

i dont mind

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 09:49

Really, you dont mind at all?

OP posts:
RottenOtter · 10/10/2006 09:52

no i honestly dont. It teaches them that my rules are the same the world over and its not only me who disciplines

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 09:53

That is a very good point actually. I agree that we are all in the buisness of teaching kids.
I find it SO difficult though.

OP posts:
Mojomummy · 10/10/2006 09:54

it depends - what has happened & what ages ?

SOmeone once said to my DD (age 3) don't tell fibs. She hadn't (I saw what happened) & I was so surprised I couldn't speak...I feel quite bad about that...

foxinsocks · 10/10/2006 09:55

I don't mind it if I haven't seen something my child has done

I don't approve if it's something I've seen and someone else has chosen to discipline my child when I didn't think it was necessary

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 09:58

He is 3 and it was a friend.
He has been practicing throwing and catching a small ball. She brought her 9 month old and ds threw the ball to the baby to which she said "no dont throw the ball at his head" in a really annoyed way.

Quite a few of my friends and family find him "difficult" i dont want to go to see any of them with him as i know that they are all thinking "oh no" when they see him.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 10/10/2006 09:59

What for? Is it for the same thing you would?

IF just someone I know and telling him off unfairly I would be irriated and would probably obtain a clearer picture of events and defend ds if necessary. Wouldnt want ds to be blamed/told off for somethng he didnt do and at 6 it is harder for them to explain the intricaces of waht hppened. I have actually spoken to ds teacher at prev school when he was told off for something he didnt actually do.

If ds has done something wrong at school tho, for example not getting on with his 'jobs' in lesson time then I will back the school too.

kslatts · 10/10/2006 10:00

I don't mind as long as it's justified. My DD's sometimes take more notice when someone else tells them off.

MamaMaiasaura · 10/10/2006 10:03

I think it is important to back your kids so that they know they have your love, trust and support.

Donbean, sympathise with you, was on phone to my sister as her youngest dd who is the same age as my ds is coming to stay over in half term. She tends to push the limits of most people but if you enage with her and get her involved she is an absolute delight. THing is so many members of the family are unkind about her.. singling her out for bad behaviour which almost encourages her to fulfil the role,. I feel very protective of her as I remember feeling a bit like that at times when I was a kid.

booge · 10/10/2006 10:03

Sounds to me like she was just feeling protective of her baby and it probably came out more strongly than she meant, I used to have this with a friends toddler and when I thought he was going to hurt DS I couldn't help but jump in. Now thankfully DS can stand up for himself and I have to protect her older DS from my DS's tendancy to pull hair so I never mind if she jumps in.

Mojomummy · 10/10/2006 10:04

your son is difficult ?

I think I might have said don't trow the ball etc, but would have said it (well tried to !) in a nice way.

She might have been fractious ? Hae things happened in the past ?

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 10:04

I just feel really bad about it for lots of reasons.
I dont think that i could tell some one elses child off.
I wouldnt feel comfortable about it any way.

OP posts:
IdrisTheDragon · 10/10/2006 10:05

I find it difficult to be honest.

Especially if it's something where we have slightly different parenting styles

Mojomummy · 10/10/2006 10:06

baby on shoulder = bad spelling

colditz · 10/10/2006 10:06

i don't mind. If I feel they are being unfair I just say so. I never suffer in silence.

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 10:07

Yes difficult. Especially in company for some reason.
It tends to be friends with younger children.
I think to myself "wait till gets to that age, they will be EXACTLY the same as ds, just wait.
They think he has behaviour problems, they havent said as much but they think it.

OP posts:
TwigTwoolett · 10/10/2006 10:08

I am grateful if it has been deserved.. it takes a village to raise a child

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 10:08

booge, i totally agree, i do think that this is what happened BUT she isnt very tolerent of him, not many people are.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 10/10/2006 10:09

I probably wouldn't want a toddler chucking a ball at a baby's head but if I said anything, I definitely would have said it in a nice voice.

Can you arrange to meet them out and about in a playground or somewhere where your ds can run riot?

Original poster
Donbean · 10/10/2006 10:10

Yes, Its the only way, to meet up where he is busy.
Its an awful feeling when you know people dont like your child.

OP posts:
fennel · 10/10/2006 10:12

I like it. Would like a world where adults and children interact outside the nuclear family unit. And my children do sometimes deserve telling off.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 10/10/2006 10:12

If ds is in someone elses home, then he must obey their house rules. If he doesn't then he gets told off by me or by Mum/friend. Simple as that. It doesn't make me feel bad, I think it teaches respect.

Sounds to me like your friend was feeling worried about her baby being hurt by the ball. I'm sure she probably didn't mean it the way it sounded (quite harsh).

booge · 10/10/2006 10:13

If all your friends have younger children I can see it could be difficult, the only consolation is that they catch up with each other pretty quickly and before you know it the shoe will be on the other foot.

MamaMaiasaura · 10/10/2006 10:13

Donbean, tbh I would avoid the so-called friends who dont like him and develop a new group of friends with kids of similar ages so that he can play with them on the same level.

It sounds like he just wanted to play with the baby, then dont see limitations the same as adults do