How to manage a toddler tantrum?

[kinkytoes]

I mean a full on, ear splitting, body stiffening, head banging tantrum.

Apart from making sure they're safe, what can be done to make it end sooner? Try to comfort them (although it's unwelcome)? Ignore them? It's so awful to see, and a new development here, so any advice gratefully received.

How long is it for? And how old?

My son through the most ridiculous paddy in the gym car park today and was hell bent on throwing himself onto the very wet ground. I spent a good 30 seconds fighting him to keep him upright and ended up picking him up under one arm and marching him into the building.

I was angry and he was unphased. So I would say keep them safe and try and keep your cool. Generally people are sympathetic if they can see you have the situation in hand.

*threw

Ignoring is the best way. If you have to move them for safety, then pickup facing away (so you don't get hit and kicked) and let them get on with it. They just need to do it sometimes and it will only become a long term problem if they get some attention for it.

He's 21 months so I can't really reason with him verbally. Lasts at least 5 mins (feels longer, maybe it is?) and I've tried ignoring and comforting but neither seems to make much difference. It's not even in public he's doing it, but I do have neighbours who can no doubt hear him. I just hate seeing him so upset

There's not a lot you can do except keep them safe and be there for them when they're finished.
When you're DC has calmed down give them a cuddle and talk about what happened. Say something like "you were angry because I said no and you got very upset." By naming their feelings you're giving them the skills not to need to tantrum to express their feelings. Let them know that you're not cross but that their behaviour was not acceptable.

For the really bad ones I tended to put him somewhere safe I.e. His cot, but stay with him so he knew he wasn't being punished. I agree helping them name their feelings does help them deal with it as they get older, you really see this when they're 3. But not giving in to whatever it is they were after (if they were after something) means they also get shorter over time too.

The bottom line is keep them safe & rationality should appear at some point as they get older!

A good bit of advice I had was to remain present but not negatively involved in the tantrum, demonstrating that you will not shun them for expressing negativity and showing them you are there when things and emotions get tough.

I sat with dd and said 'that's it, let it out, you will feel better afterwards'

Seemed to work she kept me calm

Obviously this only works when home. When out, see if you can get them in a safe place and let it run its course

Agree with being there and staying calm - sometimes a cuddle is appropriate. Also have started saying to ds who has a good vocabulary - use your words - sometimes helps when I have no clue why? Today 'cold'!

Thanks so much all of you. I'll be putting the words thing into practice straight away. He doesn't say much yet (although he does sign), but he understands a heck of a lot. I hope that will help.