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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

please help....7 year old girls!!!

11 replies

lucykatie · 09/10/2006 11:14

Hi, i have 2 dd, the eldest is 7 and youngest is 2...really no reference to issue but thought i would give you some background.

The problem is, my seven year old and her friends keep falling out, over silly things, however it is getting out of hand and some of the girls are getting upset about it, even though at times they are equally as bad.

Then they are friends again!!!! Drives me mad.

The thing is, i hear my dd being horrid and i could throttle her, not literelly but i get so cross.

We are good friends with the parents of theses girls and i really do not want it to be a case of us all falling out over this.

Is this normal for girls of this age to be so damn nasty to each other and how do i handle this.

I am worried sick, dont want to lose friends.

OP posts:

Enid · 09/10/2006 11:17

yes I thik normal

but I stop dd1 seeing her friends when it gets too bad (not in an obvious way, just not meeting up for playdates for a few weeks)

Enid · 09/10/2006 11:18

dd1 never seems to be that nasty though ( although prob is when I am not around). If i catch her being nasty I pull her up about it later when kids have fecked off

kslatts · 09/10/2006 11:23

Hi, my dd has been friends with a girl at school since nursery, she often refers to her as her best friend, but on other days says that they have broken-up. I think it's normal for girls of this age to fall out on a regular basis.

CreepyJess · 09/10/2006 11:24

Yes, think its an age when they really start to assert themselves and establish pecking orders when in groups with other girls. I have witnessed my DD being bossy and a bit obnoxious in some groups but in a different setting with different girls, she can be one of those being bossed. Either way, they seem to feel the need to boss and assert authority.

If you are worried about relationships with parents, you could have a casual word about things you have witnessed, putting blame on nobody and mentioning how you talk to DD about it, and how you tell her you feel she should behave towards her friends. And ask their opinions.

Don't think many reasonable mums would take a tiff amongst the kids seriously unless their child had been seriously wronged and the situation was seemingly going unaddressed.

7 is a tricky age. My sweet little girl can be really mean (and to me! ) all of a sudden!

Original poster

lucykatie · 09/10/2006 11:38

Our friends are resonable people and we have chatted about it....probably me, making an issue out of it to be fair....i just hate it.

at the moment it always seems to be my dd!!! being the nasty one. i have witnessed the others being nasty too though and my dd being in the firing line.

please tell me how to handle it, i feel ok if i am in the same area as them all as i can see for myself whats happening but when they are at school together its hard.

OP posts:

moljam · 09/10/2006 11:42

completly normal.my dd is 6 but already a teenager,i cant keep up with whos friends with who and whos not.she gets sent to bedroom when being madame.

USAUKMum · 09/10/2006 11:44

lucykatie -- I think you should try to talk to her about friends and how being mean makes people feel. Like " how do you feel when XX does suchandsuch to you?" , "How do you think she felt when you did X". All we can do is try and give them the tools to work things out. This friend thing is really tough, and it is heartbreaking. My own DD just went through a time when her "best friend' was ignoring her and playing with someone else (they are in Yr1) and she was really sad. But we talked about it, and things she could do and now they are happy again.

mythumbelinas · 09/10/2006 11:44

lucykatie, how about telling her that treating friends like that is not nice and she wouldn't like it if they treated her like that.
My dd1 gets a bit like that (but nothing to really get really worried about) but i told her that and she's listened.
Girls can be like this sometimes, i think it's very normal.
Mine are 7 and 2.9

Original poster

lucykatie · 09/10/2006 11:45

do you think they may be seeing too much of each other. we walk to school together and see each other after school and weekends sometimes. also in the same class and same after school clubs.

maybe they have a relationship like brothers and sisters...love hate!!

OP posts:

pepsi · 09/10/2006 11:46

Its boys too. My ds 61/2 told me on Friday that a little boy had strangled him. Im friends with his Mum so called her up. Turns out that my ds was lieing to get him in trouble because he is cross with him for playing with a new girl in the class. His friends plays with her constantly and he is feeling left out. The boys in his class are constantly saying you can play and the theres a real race to be king pin amongst some of the class. My ds was told a while back that he couldnt play because he wasnt fast enough, the next week they let him play and he then told another little boy that he couldnt play because he wasnt fast enough. At home he is just the sweetest thing, kind to his sister, lovely. Something certainly changes them at school....but its all party of life isnt it.

CreepyJess · 10/10/2006 09:58

Lucykatie, yes definitely. My DD adores her best friend, who is the DD of my best friend since childhood. She is a year or so older than friend's DD so that makes her a tad bossy and superior at times. Our families often spend lots of time together and the kids treat each other's houses and indeed parents.. as a home (and family!) from home.

I have noticed than when we have seen lots of each other, over a number of days or weeks,the girls get quite narky with each other. But sometimes days go past when we can't get together.. and they inevitably start missing each other and saying so. In the end they get quite upset if we don't make time to meet up!

It IS a sibling-type relatiobship. Children who spend a lot of time with other children can get very close.

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